— Potters POV —
It had been about a week since Pacey kissed you. You still hadn't figured out what to make of the situation. Thinking back on it, it didn't give you butterflies or heart palpitations. It gave you something... you just weren't sure what it was. It wasn't like Dawson, where, there was a rush of excitement. With Pacey it was a strong sense of calm and happiness. Was that normal? Isn't that how you always felt around him? These questions circled your head everyday since. Every time you analyzed the situation it got clearer and clearer.
Pacey was right. When he went in for the kiss, you didn't stop him. You had the chance to, but never did. You even Kissed him back. In that moment, it was like the world had stopped and the only people living, were you and Pace. You knew the answer to the question at the end of the tunnel. You just didn't want to answer it. You knew it complicated everything.
How was it possible for you to move on from Dawson in a split second? He had always been your one and only. You spent so long building a future in your head that only included Dawson, you felt a sense of guilt towards yourself for not realizing sooner. What would happen if Dawson found out? What would happen to all your friendships?
When you yelled at Pacey for kissing you, you didn't actually mean it. You were just too scared to admit you liked it. If you let him know you liked him back, then, there was the questions of "what next?". You risk loosing your friendship with Dawson and Andy? Or you sneak around until they find out? There was no good way this could end and you knew either way you'd be losing your best friend.
Pacey wasn't normally the type of guy you'd see yourself with. He was too carefree, he didn't have a set life plan. He was spontaneous and unorganized. Just like he said, he acted now and thought later. He drove you insane. That wasn't something you normally looked for in a guy but, there was another side to him. A side that you only recently started to see. Once you and Dawson took time away from each other, you began to notice Pacey for who he really was.
You had been so busy looking at Dawson you didn't take a second to look the other way. Pacey was a strong person. He stood up for what he believed in and didn't let anyone tell him otherwise. He was able to do his own thing and not care what anyone thought of him. He was funny and charming and sweet. He was a good listener and he cared so much. He liked you for who you were. He never tried to change you and always let you do your own thing. With Dawson it was always like he needed you but, he needed you to be the person he wanted you to be. The person he wanted you to be, wasn't who you actually were. He took you away from yourself and with him, it was never about you.
You, knew your feelings for Pacey were real. You knew you were falling for him. You were falling for him, even before you kissed. The kiss was just clarity. It helped you to realized that your feelings for him weren't just a figment of your imagination. What ever it was that was happening between the two of you, had to stop though. It wasn't fair to Dawson or Andy. You couldn't tell Pacey how you felt. You had to keep avoiding him. There were too many friendships at stake.
