Poles And Ties

Chapter 3- My baby girl

3 YEARS AGO

I can't even sleep, Indra, would not stop crying. "Just sleep," Come on Indra, "Please." I get her teddy bear from the floor hoping it would calm her down but it did not change a single thing. "What's wrong?" Spencer storms into my room. 

"She would not stop crying," I tell him, "I fed her, gave her toys, cradled her but she just won't sleep and I'm tired from work." Spencer is a single 32-year-old widower who works with the police department of Vindalle and is mainly stationed in the central mall, where I got a job in one of the department stores. It became something, even though they weren't paying me well despite my fashion tips or good skills. There, I met a girl named Cathy who was in another kind of business, but I was not yet ready for that exposure, but like she said the offer is always on the table.  Spencer also shared his home with Indra and me after he found us. He was more like a guardian angel than a scary pervert, which was what I thought at first when he approached me.

 Spencer turns on the light of the whole room to see clearly and holds Indra in his big arms, and she stops crying immediately. "Maybe I will take her to my room for the night and you really need to start bonding with her," he tells me.

"she does not even speak English, damn" 

"She is a baby, your baby"

"I know, she is actually a toddler." I hiss. Every day, when I wake up to her crying or the scent of her diapers, I am reminded that yes, I do have a child. It's ridiculous, I bet I was cute when I was a kid, and quiet, not causing any kind of trouble, but Indra is a real noisemaker. I've been thinking about adoption centers, but I feel bad any time I want to drop her off or think about it because I would never have wanted my parents to adopt me, She's also the only family I have left, and I don't want someone to recognize me at a child center, to be honest. "I'll knock on your door at 8, so I can get her ready for her school," I tell him.

For the stuff, he got for Indra and the payment of school, I owe spencer a lot of cash, but the more I think about it, maybe the love he would have spent on his dead pregnant wife is what he's given to Indra, which is cute but he shouldn't get too attached because I have to get out of this whole situation one day. On the other hand, he has the funds, he has read the parenting books, and Indra loves him more. Spencer can take good care of her. I know I was just talking about regret and guilt, but really, it would not be wrong if I left for a few months, and maybe it might be a year, get a big ass career, get the cash flow, and then come back. Kids don't really care about their parents at a young age. 

I call Cathy on the phone, trying to figure out what the best plan maybe, I don't need to tell her about Indra but I could make a scenario up. She is a night bird, she would definitely be up at this time. I grab my phone and ring her.

"Hey"

"Hey baby"

"I have a question about the Pole job"

"You mean being a stripper? It's still on the table, you just need to meet with the manager, have a conversation and if she likes you your in, its that easy and trust me she likes everyone unless if your ugly and you are not"

"I was thinking more about being a server girl?"

"Yeah that is still available but remember the money is being thrown on the stage, not the food trays but you could always be both, it just depends how fast you want to make it"

"oh, true, are you available to pick me up, I need to leave here, I could quickly pack my bags and stay with you for a while till I find my own place?"

"what's wrong with where you are, you don't want your family knowing about your new job if you get it?"

"my family members are dead, I'm staying with a long-distance friend"

"is it that cop your always talking to? for a second I thought he was your daddy, but just didn't want to ask, okay pack up be fast, you can sleep on the couch and this is my boyfriends place so uh, you may hear some sounds"

"whatever, thank you so much. I'll be down in thirty minutes so don't beep or call out my name" I hang up the call on her and pack up my few things. 

I should not feel bad and I do not need to, its temporary situation, I'm not a bad person, ill be back. I look at Indra's stuff very close to mine, and I want to stay but staying makes me a bad person, knowing I cant provide for her.  At 19, I never thought I would be a mum, I thought I would be on the cover of vogue and yes it's not what I dreamed of but if this is me now a mummy, then let me take the steps in order to be a good one.

I zip up my bag and take it out the door slowly, Cathy had not arrived yet. I go back in one last time, I place Ellie the Elephant on the side table next to a note that I had written for Indra, just in case she ends up asking for me before I am back, placing my special charm next to it and the other for Spencer explaining that I would be gone for a while but I would be back.

When the sun rises, I told spencer I would be knocking on his door but instead ill be far away.