Nightlife ✓

15 | theory

A / N :

Here comes the pining!

(This chapter is alternatively titled: You can be a badass bitch and still have emotions!)

(And alternatively alternatively titled: Girlfriends are great.)

Enjoy <3

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"BEFORE I START, I WANT to clarify that I am a badass bitch. I know myself and I am smart and kind and witty and amazing."

"Preach," Viv whooped.

The three of us were sitting on Riley's bed, clad in our cosiest sleepwear and sipping hot drinks with serum masks plastered to our faces. I was still holding Kylo Bear to my chest like a lifeline. A plush, velvety lifeline.

"Okay. Just so we're clear," I said emotionally.

Riley nodded understandingly. "Go ahead, girl."

I collapsed on the mattress and screamed into my room, "Why doesn't he like me?"

After being cancelled on and gifted to in the span of ten minutes earlier today, I had a severe case of emotional whiplash. I needed to vent. After this rant session was over, I would be back to being the level-headed, confident person I knew I was.

But right now—

"I didn't even want a relationship this year," I whined. "I remember thinking in August how awesome it would be if this year was just like last semester. Then I meet Quen. The universe is just being cruel."

Viv patted my back. I continued.

"It's not even that I can't take rejection. I can. And I will. But I swore there was a chance he liked me. We spent so much time together outside of classes. He didn't have to do that. He could have dipped on our study sessions or gone back to his friends at Topaz, but he stayed with me!"

"True."

"So, what's up with that? And he held my hand. He held my hand. But today, he explicitly said he knew that lunch would be a date, and he doesn't want to go there with me. I'm so confused."

Riley and Viv murmured encouraging agreement.

I told myself Quen was just a friend but did friends give each other teddy bears? Did they have deep conversations with each other about each other's hobbies, families and jobs? Did they spend an inordinate amount of time together, even if it was just to study?

Normally, I was a composed and rational woman. I wouldn't think twice if a man was throwing out confusing signals. I would just cut my losses and move on with my life, putting the onus for making the next move squarely on him.

But this was Quen.

He wasn't someone I could give up on easily, nevermind what the logical step was. I would always want to be with him until the point at which chasing him became too painful — but even I didn't know if that point would ever come. If I would ever tire of trying. Better fragments of him, than the whole of anyone else.

I couldn't decipher what Quen was thinking when he bailed on having lunch with me, or when he had bought Kylo Bear for me, which led me to overthink all our previous interactions.