Heavy

i

I'm a girl from India and as I was growing up there was quite many times when people would try to misbehave. They may think some comments they say when they see u alone or some accidental touches they try to make are not that harmful. But even if I was never subjected to any serious physical abuse my mind is damaged in ways I don't know how to say. And most importantly what hurts me most is when someone makes such an advance to me and even at the age of 20 I could never protest. I could only run away. The only thing that comes to my mind the moment I feel something is wrong is running away. But I could have fought them. Maybe not when I was a child. But at the age of 20? At the age of 10, I am sure it was not impossible to atleast say a word against them. But it didn't happen. And I hated myself for giving them the satisfaction they got from scaring me at 10. But I hated myself more when things repeated 10 years later and despite having strong views I couldn't even tell the person you should step back or you are doing wrong.

I thought a lot about y this happened. One reason was because I was raised to do so. No one ever said it was ok to fight back. Also what if I stayed there and they got the chance to do something more than just comments? But the truth is it's no big deal. I still suffer and years after my hatred for them haven't toned down a bit. It scares me that I'm completely capable of violence if they were to be presented to me in favorable circumstances. Which is not right.
The right thing is not killing perverted people. It was telling them off the first time they said a sexual joke to u. It was slapping their hands off the first time they try to put it on you. It was the glares and protests you should have given them at every step.

So, if you are a person who's vulnerable and can relate to what I say, I want to tell u please change the way ur mind is conditioned to not react negatively to these people. Don't let them feel powerful. You can run away after scolding them. Please atleast call them a pervert, bastard, I don't know, more badwords in their mother tongue, and let them know u hate them, you'll hate them forever and please.

And if you do something like that I would be really grateful if you can tell me that.
I have a feeling that might help me feel a little better.

Thanks💜