𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

66. midnight memories

(2/12/15)

Dear Universe,

It's been a while since I've written to you. How have you been?

Tonight was one of the best nights of my life. It was the wrap party for the film. We spent the night dancing, drinking (only non alcoholic drinks of course) and talking about everything.

I'm going to miss them all, that's for sure.

But the best part of my night, was when I danced with Tom. I don't have a crush on him or anything I swear.

We danced around and around and around. I could feel my heart beating quickly, as strange and cringy as it sounds.

He looked so beautiful tonight.

His hair wasn't styled in anyway, and just framed his face perfectly. I like it better when he isn't dressed up in fancy clothes, and when he doesn't have make up on. I'm not saying he looks bad when he does, because let's face it, that would be a lie of the highest quality.

I still can't believe that he thought he could hide caramels from me. How utterly stupid.

It scares me sometimes, just how close we've gotten in such a short amount of time. I never know if he's going to leave me, or not answer the phone, or stop talking to me suddenly on a random thursday. It's bad to think like this, I'm well aware of that, but it's how my brain is wired. I've lost too many friends from unknown causes that I can't trust everyone as easily as I once did.

I think that's why I like acting. No matter how you are feeling, if you love yourself and are at your happiest, highest, most euphoric moments, or if you feel like you're drowning in a river of stress, or if you are at your worst, you can forget about it all.

You get to be a different person on screen. And there's something so therapeutic about that.

He said he was worried about his film. I feel bad for him in a way, not because he has an incredible role, but because he's so scared of messing up.

People have put such high expectations on him. They forget sometimes that he's still a person, let alone a teenager.

I don't know what will happen between us. I want to stay friends forever if we can, but the thought in my head that something will go wrong never goes away.

Because what if I open my heart to him and then he leaves?

It wouldn't be the first time it's happened.

I won't ruin a good night with my thoughts though. So, I'm grateful for my family, my friends, and myself.

I'm so proud of myself.

So, so proud.

Love,
Camryn

A tear drops onto the yellowed page, making a ripple of ink spread across the fading words. I sniffle, and shut the diary closed, standing up from my spot on the floor.

I have so many memories here.

I remember when Tom came over and we watched the Star Wars films on this very carpet, only because the Russos told us to, and talked all the way through them.

I remember when I broke up with Bennett, and I called Tom at 2:31am because I couldn't sleep and my emotions were running through my sleepless thoughts like they were in a marathon.

I remember how he comforted me, and didn't hang up until I had fallen into a deep slumber. It was a strange kind of magical.

I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to open up to him again. I can't do this. I can't....