Dysfunctional

Chapter 11 Porcupine

Lars POV

I woke up with a pounding head, a dry mouth and the urge to throw up, even though my stomach was hollow and empty. There was a gap in my memory ever since I'd passed out, although I could guess that I had fallen into the shards of the bottle I had dropped, and that that was where the pain on my bandaged hands and neck came from.
Even though the bright light of it hurt my eyes, I grabbed my phone to ask one of my friends what had happened last night. Simon was the first one who popped up in my list of contacts. I sent him a message asking what had happened after I passed out, and if I had done anything dumb.

[Simon:]
>You fell into a bunch of glass, and they put you under a cold shower to wake you up. They took care of your injuries and then Matt brought you home. The party didn't go on for long afterwards.
>Oh, and speaking of if you did anything dumb, I don't think you did anything. To be honest, it's hard to be even dumber than you are sober. How in the word did you manage to get yourself in such a state? You already never know when to stop, but tonight you really took it too far.

[Me:]
>Thanks.
>Sorry for making you guys worry. I won't pass out in front of you like that again.

[Simon:]
>Right, so you'll just do it somewhere else where we can't see you? Is that what you're saying?

[Me:]
>Jesus Christ, Simon, you sound like my mom, or like Matt. I can perfectly take care of myself without all of you fussing over me.

[Simon:]
>Like yesterday, when Wes had to carry you out of the kitchen like a child? Or when Matt had to put you on the kitchen counter and bandage your injuries for you because you couldn't stand on your own two feet anymore? Yeah, sounds like you're wonderfully able to take care of yourself.

[Me:]
>If you see taking care of me when I'm drunk like a burden, just don't do it. If I need to drink, I can decide for myself that I want it.
>Like I said, I won't get wasted like that in front of you guys anymore.

[Simon:]
>Lars, we're your friends, you know we won't just abandon you when you're shit-faced like that. It's not that we mind taking care of you, it's just that we wish you didn't damage yourself like that.

[Me:]
>Drinking doesn't damage me.

[Simon:]
>Right, great lie to tell yourself. What did you get so drunk for yesterday anyways? I thought you were having a perfectly good time sober.

I decided to tell Simon.

[Me:]
>I've been in love with Matt for ages now, so now that him and Nina are a thing again, it kind of became too much for me to handle at that moment. I know, I'm fucking dramatic, you don't have to tell me.

[Simon:]
>??
>What are you talking about?

[Me:]
>I saw them kiss at the party. I could see it coming anyways.

[Simon:]
>What do you mean? You saw them kiss, but you didn't see anything of what went down afterwards?

[Me:]
>Did you expect for me to stick around and watch them make out or something?

[Simon:]
>The thing is, I think you could have spared yourself a lot of heartbreak and a huge fucking hangover if you hadn't been so busy getting drunk to notice anything that was going on afterwards. Yes, Nina kissed Matt, but Matt didn't kiss Nina back. He had to push her off and explain how he didn't like her like that, but being Matt, he was way too much of a wet blanket to actually get through to her, and she kept trying to win him over. He was really upset about it when he came to us afterwards. I think he's too afraid of upsetting Nina to be upfront with her, but I think it's pretty sure that he absolutely does not have it on his mind to get back with her.

I had to read Simon's text twice before it got through to me, not only how Matt was not in love with Nina, but also what a giant fucking dumbass I was. Maybe even if my legs hadn't given away from the shock, I could have seen them for long enough to see Matt push her off. To think that I had not only completely ruined the party mood and bothered my friends, but also that all of that had been for practically nothing.

[Me:]
>Holy shit
>I really am stupid

[Simon:]
>Told you
>Anyways, you and Matt, hmm? Since when?

[Me:]
>Shut up.

When I came downstairs, Jason immediately notices my bandaged up hands.
"What on earth did you do?"
I grabbed a bowl and poured some sugary cereal into it, ignoring Jason's question.
"I asked you something", Jason growled as I poured some milk into my bowl.
I sighed deeply, and said in a calm voice with my back still turned to him: "I had unprotected sex with a porcupine."

The next day at school was...weird. First of all, Nina did not seem happy. She looked a lot less glamorous than usual, even though I could not spot anything necessarily different in her clothes or makeup.
Before, she had genuinely seemed convinced of the fact that Matt was head over heels with her. Now, it was hard to tell who exactly she was still trying to convince with her unstopped rambling about how Matt was playing hard to get, how he totally would have made out with her if only the party had just lasted a little longer. It was hard to believe that Nina actually still believed the things she was saying, but it was not like the girls she was talking to believed her even a bit more. Perhaps she was only trying to save her pride, not wanting to admit that she had gotten rejected. I wondered if she knew that she was only making it worse with this delusional talk? She was quite pathetic, I almost felt bad for her. It was like a car crash you just couldn't look away from.
Besides, Matt was acting weird too. Before school started, I had gone up to him and Wes to thank them for taking care of me while I was drunk, as I had understood from Simon's texts. Wes thanked me, gave Matt a soft punch against his shoulder followed by a rather meaningful look, before he left.
Matt's cheeks were slightly pink as he, in an unusually shy voice for him, asked me: "Lars, can I talk to you after school?"
My heart sank. "Shit, I did something dumb when I was drunk, didn't I? Listen Matt, whatever I said or did, I probably didn't mean it. I mean, you're like... the kindest person I know. I really didn't mean to hurt or offend you if I did. I'm really sorry", I rambled.
"You didn't hurt or offend me," Matt quickly said, "but... well I did want to talk to you about yesterday. Do you really not remember anything?"
I wanted to yell and shake him and demand he'd tell me exactly what had happened after I passed out! But I stayed calm and shook my head. "I only remember what happened before I passed out, not after."
"I'll tell you after school, okay? Don't look at me with such a worried face, it's fine. See me in the park after biology?"
"O-Okay"