Illuminating the Dark Prince

The Man Around the House

"Oh, you should have seen it, Pema! There were giant spiders! Everything was undead! We rode around on his friendly zombie horse! Escaped an evil queen!" I enthusiastically jumped all around the quaint living room like a little ping-pong ball, reiterating everything for the second time to Pema. She was limply sitting on our cozy red couch with a stupefied zoned-out expression, absentmindedly fanning herself with an oriental fan while taking everything in. Her zombie-like state being clear evidence that she was still a bit discombobulated from passing out. 

"He valiantly saved me from undead wolves and swooped me off to live in his cave with him! Oh, his hair was messy but his heart was filled with kindness! I thought he was a jewel thief, but he was really a runaway prince! I even got involved in a royal scandal and became princess of the undead people!" My hands clasped together by my cheek as I swooned with fluttering eyelashes and leaned against the wooden stairwell door by the television stand. "It was so romantic." 

Pema slowly placed the fan down on the round cherrywood coffee table next to her laptop and a withered English ivy plant. "And you thought that it was a good idea to bring the alien abyss prince back home with you?" She shook her head while rubbing her temples as though she had a headache.

"Well, yeah. Although, it honestly was an accident. But I'm glad it happened." I innocently shrugged while running my big toe along the edge of the floral throw rug. "I know he's not human, and that he's a bit scary looking..." I smiled up at the ceiling in thought, trying to think of what to say to ease her worries about having an abyss man hanging around the house. "But believe me, he's just a big shadowy sweetheart. I'm truly in love with him and I trust him completely." I quickly cupped the side of my mouth with my hand as though I were going to tell a secret. "Besides, he's also a total freak in the bedroom." I whispered with a naughty giggle.

"Okay, well I don't really know what to say about all this." She held up her palms while shaking her head. "I'm happy that you're finally ending it with Justin and all, but have you thought this through even a little? I mean, he's a fucking alien species from another world! Like for instance, what do you even eat?" She quickly turned to ask Valarendrik, who had been sitting a few feet away in the matching red recliner chair the entire time. He looked rather casual, wearing only his leather pants and fancily embroidered black tunic with the sleeves rolled halfway up. Speedy was perched on his lap, happily munching some crisp green lettuce out of his hand.

"Flesh, usually." He replied with a kindly smile.

Pema's face paled, clearly sizing up his razor-sharp pointed incisors and fangs. "We're all gonna die... Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod." She quietly mumbled while gripping her scalp and looking down at the floor in distress. 

"We're not all going to die..." I rolled my eyes. The couch squeaked as I flopped down next to her and began comfortingly patting her back. "Look, there's really no reason to worry. We'll just have to go down to the store and get him some steak or something. It's not like he'll be out hunting humans or anything. Right, Valarendrik?" I joked with a laugh.

He cleared his throat and slightly leaned forward, clearly wanting to help assuage Pema's worries but unsure how to without scaring her further. "Yes, that's right. I have no intention of harming any humans."

I gestured to him with a smile. "You see?"

"Unless..." He continued to speak in a deep and serious tone with a stern countenance... Oh shit... "Lucilia or the baby are threatened in any way. And as a friend of my wife, I shall extend my protection to you as well, Pema." He vaingloriously proclaimed while standing up to his towering height. Speedy's green swirly shell was wrapped in a tendril of shadows, floating next to him while still happily eating the lettuce. "I shall not seek violence out, but the moment there is a threat afoot, I vow that I shall not hesitate to mercilessly slay-"