I Miss Lexie

Lexie is my sister

Waking up alone was always painful. But luckily Zola had joined me last night, she must have been cold, or lonely. I had sent them all to bed early because I was feeling sad and tired. I ended up crying in my bedroom for at least an hour, and even considered calling Alex, but after playing with my phone in my hands for a while, I decided against waking up my best friend for such a silly reason. Actually, It wasn't a silly reason. My sister is dead. Crap, I'm going to start crying again.

After dropping my kids off, I still had about an hour and a half before my therapy. I didn't want to go back to the pit, that would just be a waste of my time. I decided I should go on a walk.

I don't go to the woods often, for obvious reasons. But Lexie loved it here. She loved their woody scent, and the sun seeping through the trees above her head, painting patterns on the forest floor. I can almost hear her in my head, 'I want to stay here forever Mer. Right here.' I never noticed how empty my side felt without her there. I never realized how quiet it was without the bottom of her shoes pattering against the ground, trying their hardest to keep up with me. I never realized how much I missed my little sister. My Little Grey. A spot Maggie could never fill. Oh God, Maggie. She had called me multiple times last night to ask how my therapy was, as she said she would. I didn't want to pick up the phone, for the fear that I would burst into tears, or start shouting at her. I'll just call her back later. Right now I need to be here, in this moment.

Being back in these woods reminded me of the time Lexie and I went camping together, in these woods, right before we got Zola.

'Lexie, I love you, but I am freezing! Can't we just turn back around, I bet you we could get home before nightfall.' In all honesty, it had been my idea to come out here. Lexie and Mark broke up around a week ago, and she had taken it really hard. The first day, she didn't come down from the attic, and everyone had to listen to her cry for hours on end. It was painful for me to listen to and ignore. But the next day she acted like nothing was wrong. She had put on a fake smile and said that everything was perfect. Unfortunately for her, I know that act well. So I took her out here. Her favourite place. The woods.

'We are nearly there, Mer. And it's not that cold! Just look around us. It's beautiful.'

'Why couldn't your favourite place be, like, a trampoline park?'

'Oh my god! We should take Zola to a trampoline park when she comes. I could teach her how to do a cartwheel!'

Zola was way too young to learn to do a cartwheel, but I hadn't seen Lexie this happy in over a week, so I was not about to burst this bubble.

'Yeah, that would be great. Let's just not take her camping, ok?'

'Not with you I won't. You whine too much. When Zola's a teenager I'm going to take her out like this. I'm going to make her see this place the way I do. The wonder. The beauty. I'm going to be the best aunt Seattle has ever seen. She's going to love me more than she loves you and Derek.'

'I'm sure she will.'

"So, Meredith, have you thought about what we discussed yesterday?"

Have I thought about what we discussed? I literally have thought about nothing else. I actually dreamt about my dead sister last night. But instead I say,

"No, I haven't."

"I'm surprised you even showed up today."

"So am I."

He chuckled, gathering a group of sheets together on his desk.

" I'm also assuming I'll be doing most of the talking today, am I right?"