I Miss Lexie

My Little Sister

My thought when I woke up this morning was that tomorrow was Lexie's birthday. And it wasn't a, 'Omg, tomorrow's my sisters 31st birthday! I can't wait!' it was more 'oh shoot, tomorrow's my dead sister's birthday, another birthday she isn't here for because she died 4 years ago and I didn't say goodbye' kind of thought. It sucked.

The kids were spending the day with Maggie, per her request. So I was supposed to be spending the day with Alex. But I really just didn't want to get out of bed. So when I heard Alex's voice downstairs, I didn't move.

"Mer?"

"Up here."

"Come downstairs, we're going out."

"Fine."

I hawled myself out of bed, ready to give Alex a lecture on why I'm not leaving my freaking house today, but when I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw my best friend with a bunch of flowers in his hand and a massive smile. So I decided that just for today, I could forget that tomorrow's my dead sister's birthday, and just spend the day with my Alex. The one grinning at me with open arms at my front door.

"Get your ass down here and give me a hug."

So I smile back at him and wrap my arms around him.

"I miss her."

"I know you do. I do too."

"But today we are going to try and forget that. Just today. Okay?"

"That's ok with me."

As we walked down the pier, I remembered doing this with everyone a couple of years ago. With everybody I've ever wanted to be with. George, Izzie, Derek, Cristina, Lexie, even Mark. Now It's just Alex and I. He's all I have. If he left, I'm not sure I could do this. All alone.

"What's going on in that head of yours, huh?"

Alex murmured, bumping his shoulder against mine.

"I only have you."

"What?"

"Your all I have left."

He stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop walking.

"You don't just have me. You have Amelia, Maggie, you even have Jo."

"Yeah, but they're not my people. There was a time in my life where the people I met stopped becoming my people. I think maybe after Cristina left? I don't know, it may have been even earlier. You are all I have left of my people."

"What about Callie and Arizona? April?"

"I guess so. But it's different. It's my village. You can't be really close to everyone in a village."

"I get that. I miss our people too. How did it get to just us?"

"I'll never know. But you better not ever leave me, okay? Seriously, I can't do this by myself Alex."

"Ditto."

We sat down on a nearby bench, staring at the world around us.

"Derek would be so mad at me."

"Why?"

"I did a little something like this when it first happened. I didn't want to do anything but work. He suddenly snapped and told me he'd also lost his little sister. I remember it so clearly now."

I sat down on our bed, exhausted after putting Zola to sleep. Derek had asked if I needed anything, but I honestly was too tired to answer. I wanted my sister to come back. To laugh with me again, tell me it's all going to be okay with that big smile of hers.