I Just Need Some Time Alone (Discontinued)

Nightmares, Loneliness, Drugs

   I feel sick. I get headaches constantly and my entire body is in pain. I feel tired and sad. I've also been having these horrible nightmares.

   There horrible. I don't really remember them tho. But from the small things I can remember they aren't fun at all. I remember running trough hallways while hearing voices yelling at me. I've also had nightmares about waking up in a parking lot and having to watch the chaos of cars crashing into each other and people fighting. Then there were the ones about my past, every war, fight, and argument I've ever gotten into.

   Everytime I had them I would wake up in a cold sweat while crying. I hated them. They made me think about all the shitty things I've done and all the good things I didn't do. Everything I didn't want to think about. They made it impossible to think of anything else. They haunted me.

Other than that I've been feeling a lot lonelier then usual. I really wanted my friends to call me, to check in on how I'm doing. Maybe I should call them, Tolys, Matthias, Gilbert, and Lorenzo. They were my best friends.

   I know that I could probably call Arthur or Mattie or Francis. I'm still angry at them tho even if I forgave them, what they said really hurt.

   I decided to ignore that. Then I remembered something. A few days ago I may or may not have bought some cocaine. I know this sounds bad but I got it from a very popular and trusted drug dealer. I was told that this might make me feel happy or at least numb for a little while. I've been to nervous to try it tho but nows the time.

   I opened the bag dumping out the white powder onto the table. I stared at it nervous but this will help, it will make me happy, calm me down. I grabbed a small piece of paper rolling it up I leaned over covering one nostril, I snorted the line. I instantly got a sense of burning pain in my nose, I sat up and covered my nose.

   I sat hunched over, holding my nose, for a few minutes then I felt the drugs kick in. My pupils expanded as a feeling of drowsiness over took me, I blinked slowly. I smiled lazily knowing that it worked.

   I felt the stress of these past few weeks melt off my shoulders. I didn't feel the pressure of anything. I didn't feel pain of anyone's judgement.I felt like I was floating. I felt free, truly free. I feel happy.

   This feeling was not something I was use to. I liked it because of that. I liked this feeling of drowsiness, of nothingness, of happiness.

   I snorted some more of the drug not wanting the feeling to end. I leaned back into my chair and stared off in front of me.

   Suddenly I heard a knock on the door. I felt my heart beat spike and my eyes widened. I stood up shakily. The door downstairs was opened and there was talking, I couldn't make out the voices, they sounded familiar. I know those voices. I stared walking to the door but I fell causing a loud crashing noise.

   The sound of their foot steps coming up stairs caused my panic to worsen. I stood and shakily ran out of the room, while running they finally made it upstairs, I ran into my room.

   "Alfred you ok, why you run." Tolys asked concerned, voice muffled behind the door.

   My back was pressed to the door and I pushed all my weight towards it.
Then it was pushed open causing me to fall to the floor. I turned to look at them and They stared at me with shock.

   "What hell happen to you Alfie." Matthias asked, crouching next to me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

   I stared at him for a second feeling tears reach my eyes. Then Lorenzo hugged me as tears flowed down my cheeks.

   "You don't have to say anything right now Al, just take your time." He whispered to me. I smiled slightly hugging him back.

   Then Gilbert and Tolys joined the hug. I smiled as I cried soon falling asleep as I heard the soothing voices and comforting words of my friends.

(This was so fast paced and I'm sorry.)