Deserved Tears

Then to Now

        The bus bumps and sways me in my seat. My ears still ringing from the shouting in the back seats. My head turns to the window and my eyes gaze into the cornfield. Why am I here? Why must I question my existence? Yeah...those are some questions indeed. It all started when I, Elisa Salgado, was born. My sister, Natalie, wasn't born til' three years later. We both loved each other. Somewhere in our small broken hearts, I'm sure we had love. Without it, how would we have lived? We were all we had to love and all we had to do was survive our childhood. Each passing day in our cold rooms with nothing but a bed and it was so terrible to the point where we used rugs to cover us up. Sleep was impossible. Love was hard to master with our parents. My brothers Anthony and Matt would think so too, but Matt has never been the same. He'd sit in a corner every now and then weeping and mumbling to himself. I always would catch words like "hate them" or "why us?"...... Why us? Who does he hate? I wasn't old enough to know what abuse was, or neglect. One day, while my brothers had been in their rooms playing video games, I attempted to walk down stairs to Mom and Dad. I had missed a step and fallen. I had fallen face forward all the way down.

        As I lay there on the floor I thought, "Why aren't Mommy and Daddy noticing me?". So, since I was confused at my parent's lack of love and compassion, I went back up the steps. I thought, "Maybe if I fall again they might hear me hit hard at the bottom." As I reached the top, my tiny scrawny legs shook and my right stepped forward. It purposely went to the side and my body went tumbling down the steps. BumpBumpBump. I was at the bottom again. I waited...waited. Nothing. A little longer and they'll see I'm hurt or know something is wrong. There's no way they didn't hear me. Right? I lay there and eventually ended up in tears. My parents were too busy watching their shows to know their child had fallen down the steps. Another time, on purpose I had done it again, because I hadn't any attention. This was what living with my parents were like. So, I don't think I can bring my brother, Matt, to reality. 

        When Matt was little, about 8, he wanted food really bad. We all did, of course. He was hungry. As you would expect, go to the fridge and grab a cheese stick. All that "If you're hungry just get what ya want.". He asked Mom, "Mom? When can I eat? I'm hungry, Mom. Please make dinner.". As he said this, he had a desperate look on his face and small salty tears running down his face. Mom just stared at him. She stared at him with blank eyes as her black hair dangled in it's pony tail behind her. SLAP! She hit him as her eyes burned with rage and looked down on him like he was nothing. She screamed, "Who do you think we do this for?!!!??!!! Don't I clothe you?!! DONT I FEED YOU AND GIVE YOU ENOUGH TO EAT??!!". Mom screamed louder as Matt lowered himself to the floor rubbing his red face. As she screamed, I swear I could feel her yells threw the floor and vibrating up my spine. I watched from the stairs across the hall. Matt's hair stood up as Mom hit him with another harsh blow. His head flipped backwards and hit hard against the floor. His frail body shivered and shook with every violent strike. I cringed and bit my lips to prevent myself from making any noise to get her attention. Tears rolled down my face full speed as my chapped lips began to bleed from my bite. Mom continued to yell at my beaten and horribly frightened brother. "When will this end???", I thought.  

        I couldn't take anymore so I went to my room next to the basement. The basement scared me just as much as my empty room did, but not as much as this house did entirely. I ignored the basement and leaped into my bed, covering myself with blankets. Screams were all I heard that night as I gazed out my tiny window at the full moon and hoped for a better tomorrow, unsure if it'll be better or worse. At that time I didn't know anything of God or Jesus. But if I did, I would have prayed. I would have prayed over and over to be saved. ~i didn't sleep~ 

(maybe saved by one of those prince's in fairy tales.... who knows?? ;) THANKS FOR READING---> continue!