Graceland, Too

Author's note:
Had some feeling while listening to Graceland, Too so this is inspired by the second verse (also the first verse is so Ian during his baby snatching meltdown but I dont want to write about that).
I love Mickey Milkovich with my whole heart and at times I've felt like Ian doesn't deserve him but I think married Ian finally realises how good he's got it.
Comments mean so much to me, so please leave some feedback.
Enjoy!

"So we took what was left of our serotonin
To chew on our cheeks and stare at the moon
She said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment
Ate a sleeve of saltines on my porch and I knew
I would do anything you want me to
I would do anything for you
I would do anything, I would do anything
Whatever you want me to do, I will do"

So much has changed in close to a decade, it's hard to believe it sometimes. If someone had told 16 year old Ian that he's be here now, life the way it was, he'd probably not want to make it. On paper it was nothing, he'd achieved his dreams and lost them just as quick. There was no plan other than the army and that went up in smoke, being an EMT was something he never knew he wanted but it was almost even better. That went up in smoke too. Sometimes he thinks it's him that's flammable, a sick joke from God about the colour of his hair or something. He worries that he might set fire to the pillows at night, take the whole house with him, leave the whole of Chicago in flames. Seemed like he's done it before.

At 16 he thought they'd all probably die without Fiona. Now she's on the other side of the country probably not thinking about him. Monica is gone for good, something that still doesn't feel real, no amount of mania can drive her back from the grave to bang down their door. Its all so different, the changes happened gradually but they still feel like a shock sometimes. But it's not just been people leaving. The family has grown too, opened its arms welcomed new members. Liam hasn't been the baby of the family for years and now neither is Franny. He's an uncle now before he's a brother, the kids he used to take care of can handle themselves now and there's new mouths to feed. And there's Mickey too, a permanent feature in the house now for the first time, both by law and by love.

He's sat beside Ian on the porch as they watch the moon, full and high, overhead. A few hours ago they'd swallowed pills Mickey had procured from somewhere, Ian didn't ask, and they were beginning to feel good. He probably shouldn't, but then he wasn't supposed to drink either and he did that so who cares. He's been stable on his meds for months now, finally having found a balance that didn't leave him crazy or numb so one wild night wouldn't set him back too far.

He felt nice. The air was warm enough that he could sit in just his tshirt and enjoy the slight breeze on the clear summer's night. It seemed to cling to his skin but not in a suffocating way, just wrapping him up in a gentle cocoon. He should probably have brought some gum, can feel his jaw starting to work of its own accord but not like the times he lost control of his body during his time at the clubs. He didn't feel frantic or on edge now. He just felt nice, contemplative in a way that he normally repressed but tonight he felt detached enough to let his mind wander.

Mickey sighs beside him and he wants to touch him, so he does, carding his fingers through his husband's hair until he turns to look at Ian. He looks how Ian feels, calm, thin rings of blue around blown pupils. Mickey pulls Ian's hand out of his hair and intertwines their fingers, holding both hands in his lap.

"What are you thinking about?" Ian wants to know.

Mickey gives a small smile, "My dad." He doesn't look sad, he looks peaceful.

Ian normally hated thinking about Terry. When he passed him in public a few times he'd almost blacked out with rage. Sometimes he dreamt about him. In the dreams he's a teenager again and Terry has a gun and Ian is scared. He's scared that Terry will kill him and he's scared that Terry will kill Mickey and let him live. Instead he watches Terry beat Mickey into unconsciousness and watches Mickey underneath a woman he doesn't want. He remembers praying to God that if Mickey survived his dad he'd do anything, turn his whole life around. But Mickey does survive, and Ian doesn't change. Maybe what came next was punishment for Ian breaking his promise. Regardless, he's not a teenager anymore and he's not scared of Terry.