twoAM • tobio kageyama

4 | twoAM

"What do you mean?" You asked, wiping away a final tear from your eyes.

"I got scouted by the Ali Roma in Italy to play for them in the FVIB Men's World Cup." He looked away from your gaze and crossed his arms. You could tell it pained him to confess to you. His blueberry eyes glistened from the light coming from the lamp and the candles beside him on the nightstand. You couldn't tell if he was about to cry or not, but you knew it took a lot out of him to confess.

"I leave in two months." Kageyama's voice strained. He looked down, visibly upset. "It's been my dream ever since I was a kid to play volleyball professionally. My career is so important to me—I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I turned down this once in a lifetime opportunity."

You looked down at the edge of the white sheets resting peacefully on your naked torso. You clasped your hands together and watched your tears drop onto Kageyama's blanket, forming pools of your aching sadness. Uncontrollably, you started to cry. You couldn't hold it back at that point and cupped your face and silently sobbed.

Kageyama watched you from the other side of his king sized bed. You felt your body forcefully turn towards him as Kageyama embraced you into a hug. He held you firmly, yet so gently. Your emotions contradicted your thoughts as you couldn't decipher between feeling and logic. You felt the tears forming in the corner of your eyes stream down your face, dripping onto Kageyama's chest.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You mumbled into his chest as your cries swallowed your words. You heard his breath tremble and felt his hand brush up against your face. You pulled your head back from his chest, tears running down your cheeks. Through the blurriness of your vision, you saw Kageyama's hands pressed up against his face as his lip quivered and a single tear rolled down his face. Covering his eyes with both of his palms, he looked away from your gaze.

You couldn't believe it. For the first time since you've known him, Kageyama was silently sobbing.

You wiped away the snot and tears from your nose, looking up at him as he reclined back into his headboard—not making a sound as he wept in silence.

Remembering back to that moment, you didn't realize how much Kageyama cared for you. You didn't fit the pieces together—how much courage it took out of him to confess his departure and how he cried seeing you so visibly upset by it. You didn't realize it until now as you reflected back on it. Oh how you took that moment for granted.

It pained you to remember that night. You always stayed with him from dusk until dawn when you two were together, but that night you felt the need to go back home. Kageyama didn't stop you either, not even bothering to walk you back out to your car. You remembered shivering in your shorts and his old high school volleyball sweatshirt around your torso as you fumbled to shove your car keys into the ignition.

When you shifted the rearview mirror, you looked back at your reflection—your cheeks puffed from the tears as makeup ran down your face. You felt a stabbing pain in your chest and an overwhelming amount of grief as you placed your forehead against the top of your steering wheel. The parking garage of Kageyama's condo fell silent as you could only hear your wails of anguish.

Your mind ruminated through all the contented memories with him—showcasing the moments you favored the most. As much as you hated to admit it, Kageyama was your everything—dare you say it? Kageyama was your first love, despite him never feeling the same way for you.

It absolutely pained you to realize how much time you had wasted trying to pursue a relationship with this man. All those months you two had been spending together, all the dates he took you out to, all the times you fucked until the sun came up—all for it to go to waste because you caught feelings for him; all because you loved him so deeply.

You grabbed the warm pink nude lip gloss from your makeup pouch, reminiscing on your last encounter with Kageyama. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, looking deep into your own eyes with a blank expression.

After your last encounter with him, you never bothered to call or text him back. You left all of Kageyama's calls on voicemail, all of his texts on read and all of his attempts to see you unnoticed. Eventually, he gave up trying after taking the hint.

It was Kageyama's last night in Tokyo, exactly two months since you last saw him. Tomorrow morning, he would be on a one way flight to Europe—leaving back behind his life here in Japan to start a new one in Italy. You wondered if he would settle for a nice Italian girl over there, completely forgetting about you in Japan. Although the thought of it made you sick to your stomach, you knew it would happen either way.

He would forget about you once he leaves. The devil would finally cut you loose.

Gradually, you began to apply the lip gloss; sliding the wand side to side against your bottom lip. You puckered your lips and kissed the air, evenly spreading the lip gloss up to your cupid's bow. Kageyama always loved that certain shade of pink and said how much your lips tasted like sweetened milk when he kissed you with it on. Though over the past two months, you haven't touch it once since then.

You checked the time again. 2:53am. It was almost time for you to leave.

The sound of crickets could be heard outside of your window as you grabbed your coat from your closet hanger, slipping on the sleeves one arm at a time. You slipped your phone into the left pocket while placing your keys and wallet in the other. You silently sighed to yourself, knowing exactly what was to come. It was the same old, same old—nothing ever changing. Even on his last night in Tokyo, he couldn't even bother to make an effort.

Every thought raced through your mind as you stepped out of your bedroom and walked through the darkness of your living room, slipping on your shoes near the front door. Within an instant, your phone buzzed again, playing the silly little ringtone you put for him every time he called.

Before slipping on your shoes, you reached into your left pocket and pulled out your phone. Even though you had already known it was Kageyama calling, butterflies still fluttered in your stomach. Despite how angry, frustrated and disappointed you were him, he never failed to make your knees weak and your body crumble.

You accepted his call and placed your phone up to your ear, murmuring a soft greeting.

"Hello?"

You gripped the door handle with your right hand, turning it clockwise. As you swung the door open, you peered to the ground, spotting those oh so familiar black tennis shoes. Your eyes scanned up the stranger's body, instantaneously recognizing the man standing right in front of you. He too had his phone up to his ear, looking down at you with those tender blueberry eyes. Kageyama gave you a soft smile, clicking the "end call" button on his phone with the tip of his thumb.

"Hi, (Y/N)." Kageyama placed his hand up to your face, caressing the apples of your cheeks with his thumb. "I missed you."

Right then and there, you fell in love with him all over again.