Say It Again

Chapter 11: Mindhunter

The entire team is worried about Reid, but we do our best to keep clear heads. I can't help but worry about Jennifer in the back of my mind, even as I'm working. Morgan is distraught, and his frustration is contagious. It rolls off of him and seems to smother any other emotions present.

The inside of the house is as chaotic as my mind, and I feel like the bloody scene in the barn is an accurate depiction of Morgan's. I almost pity the unsub when Morgan finds him...

The rest of the night passes by in a blur. No one gets more than a few minutes of sleep, and it's morning before we even know it.

Hotch walks back into the house with Garcia, and the sight of her brings me a little bit of relief. Even in the most dire circumstances, Penelope brings so much light and love into a room.

JJ seems numb. When she speaks, it's monotonous. When she meets my eyes, the life behind her clear blue ones is dim. I don't touch her, but I try to be near her when I can be.

Later that afternoon, I walk through the house and pause when I see my best friend in front of the bathroom sink. She seems relaxed for a moment, but then I notice her body tense. She reaches for her gun and turns to face me quickly.

"Hey, hey, hey! JJ, it's me," I say lifting my hands to make myself less threatening. "Are you alright?" All the worry I've been pushing down comes bubbling to the surface.

"Uh, yeah. I'm — I'm sorry. You scared me," she tries again to fake nonchalance, but I see through it easily.

"I'm sorry," my voice is calm, and I just want to make her feel better. I want to make her feel safe. I look at the blood still splattered all over her shirt and then at the bandage on her arm. I swallow thickly and return my focus to her words.

I invite her to join me in interviewing someone the next day. Hopefully getting out of the house will help her relax a little bit...

I turn to walk away when I hear her say my name suddenly. "Emily."

"Yeah?" I turn back toward her.

"How come none of this gets to you?" Her expression is a mixture of confusion and a little bit of fear.

"What do you mean?" I keep my tone even.

"You came off a desk job," she begins. "Now suddenly you're in the field surrounded by mutilated bodies and...you don't even flinch."

"She's right. You've never blinked," Hotch speaks behind me, and I'm a little startled by his sudden appearance. I can't tell if I'm thankful for it or begrudge it, though, as it broke the tension steadily building again between JJ and I.

"I...guess maybe I compartmentalize better than most people," the lie slips easily from me, as I've grown used to sharing it. No one can know that I most certainly did not come off a desk job. It would put everyone I love in danger. For the rest of the evening, I throw all my energy into finding the youngest member of our team.

...

Everything changes when we receive the live feed of Spencer. He's wounded, and it's hard to stomach watching. Morgan may snap at any second, and he's been getting increasingly short with JJ.

I took a short nap around midnight, and I woke to the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen. I stand and stretch, hoping the caffeine can help fend off all the exhaustion weighing me down.

As I walk up the hallway I hear voices coming from inside the kitchen. A moment later, Morgan brushes past me.

"Derek?" I call his name, but he doesn't respond.

I shake my head and walk into the kitchen. JJ is leaning against the counter, steam coming from the mug in her hands. She looks up as I approach, and I see tears in her eyes.