I Cannot Live Without You

Regret

Maya's Point of View:

Heartbeat racing, barely able to catch her breath. Her lungs are on fire, unable to get enough oxygen inside of them. Her legs are burning, muscles hot from exhaustion. Yet, she continues on, running faster and faster, hiding away from her muddled thoughts. As her body reaches the point of utter exhaustion, her legs give out and Maya tumbles to the ground, unable to go any further. She just lays there, struggling to breathe in and out, in and out. Her thoughts finally catching up to her, Carina slamming the door after she had just found out that Maya had just cheated on her with Jack, with tears streaming down her face. Maya was angry at herself because in that moment when she told her, she was supposed to have felt remorse, but she didn't feel anything. The moment the door closed, her body seized up and she began bawling her eyes out. She just laid there all night, unable to process what she had just done, what she had just ruined. She felt the walls that she was hell bent on keeping so tall, began to tumble yet again. Tears began to fall as she lay face down in the grass, slowly trickling from her tightly closed eyes. After what felt like hours of laying there, the morning sun bearing down on her back. Maya slowly pushed her body up with shaking arms. Just concentrating on breathing, she made the walk back to her apartment. Maya checked her phone and it read 08:27, she had about an hour before she had to leave for the station. She resorted to taking a shower. The moment Maya entered the bathroom, she saw the extra toothbrush that had begun to appear on her bathroom counter after Carina started staying over more often. This causes Maya's eyes to water, she picks it up and places it in the cupboard so it's out of sight. Turning on the water to her usual temperature, she began undressing. Her tired muscles welcomed the touch of the warm water, she just stood there, letting the heat envelop her. Once she was ready, she washed her hair and body watching the suds go down the drain. Once she was clean, she shut off the water, and grabbed a towel from off the rack. Maya walked over her closet, and grabbed her duffel bag to begin packing it for her upcoming shift. She stuffed an extra pair of clothes in the bag as well as a brush and various items she would need. She put on a pair of black Adidas sweats, with a matching jacket. She wore a plain white t-shirt underneath the jacket. Once she was packed and ready to go, she shut off her apartment lights, once again glancing over to the spot Carina sat the night before waiting for her to return. Maya closed the door, and locked it behind her and walked down to the parking garage to get into her Lexus ES. She turned the car on, and set the radio to its usual station to distract her from the thoughts drifting through her mind. As she was pulling out of the garage, a song began to play on the radio.

Sun is going down backs are to the ground mid November

From your castle in the trees hear you call to me I remember

Oh the things we miss

With grass stains on our shins

Do you have to go, do you have to go tell me do you

You don't wanna go, you don't wanna go tell me do you

Taking turns we find seeking while we hide chasing memories

Still I know the somber song of the meadowlark written for me

Oh the things we find When scars are left behind

Do you have to go, do you have to go tell me do you

You don't wanna go, you don't wanna go tell me do you

Oh the things we miss, oh the things we miss, oh the things

Oh the things we miss, oh the things we miss, oh the things

Oh the things we miss, oh the things we miss, oh the things

Oh the things we miss, oh the things we miss, oh the things

Do you have to go, do you have to go tell me do you

Oh the things we miss, oh the things we miss, oh the things

You don't wanna go, you don't wanna go tell me do you

Do you have to go, do you have to go tell me do you

The clock said 09:30, she had time. She slammed on her brakes, making sure no one was behind her. She turned her car around, and began driving to the place she had driven so many times before. She pulled up to the apartment complex, and parked in her usual spot. She ran up the stairs as fast as she could, reaching the correct floor. Gasping for breath, she slowly walked down the hallway. As she got closer to apartment 624, her heart was beating faster and her labored breaths were getting more and more shaky. She found herself in front of the apartment, and before she gave it a second thought she knocked on the door. Immediately, she regretted it. What would she say, how could she make this better. A few seconds had passed and Maya was almost relieved thinking maybe Carina had left for work already. But then she heard the lock begin to turn and her stomach tightened into a thousand knots. The gorgeous brunette opened the door, she was already dressed in her pink scrubs, I could tell she was about ready to leave for work. "Hey you're here ear--!" she says before looking up, and their eyes locked and she didn't finish her sentence. They stood there in silence for a few seconds, the Italian broke the silence, "I thought you were Amelia, we were going to ride together today."

"Okay, well then I can leave. I don't want to make you late." Maya says, looking at the floor.

"Okay, but is there a reason you came here?"

There were a million things Maya wanted to say, but she could only manage to get one thing out. She whispered it so quietly that Carina had to strain her ears to hear it.

"I came here to say I'm sorry." Maya said as she looked up into the brunettes dark blue eyes.

"What exactly are you sorry for? Cheating on me with your ex? Throwing it in my face? Doing it just to hurt me?" Carina said, you could hear the hurt in her voice.

" I'm sorry for everything. The denial about my Dad, sleeping with Jack, hurting you, everything I have ever done to hurt you. I was blind, and broken." Maya said as her eyes began to slowly fill with tears.

" Is that all?" Carina said it with a measure of sharpness that stuck Maya in the gut.

"I had one other thing to say. That I know I messed up, but I love you. I have never been able to say that about anyone in my life. It means something to me. If you can ever forgive me for the horrible things that I have done to you, I want to prove to you that I mean that you are my world and that I cannot live without you."

Carina glances down at her watch, you can see the conflict in her eyes. "Maya, I love you. But what you did hurt me so much. I am going to need time to forgive you. But I really do have to go or I will be late. I will text you later." Carina grabs her bag, and closes the door, locking it behind her.

"Okay whatever you need. Can I walk you to your car?" Maya asks, her voice slightly hopeful.

" I suppose you can, but walk fast or I will be late." Carina says swiftly as they begin walking down the hall. They walk the rest of the way down to her car in silence. Maya not wanting to press her for anything more, because she has already given her more than she thought she would. Once they reach her car, Maya opens the car door for Carina as she places her bags in the back. As Carina sits down in her car, Maya leans down and looks her directly in her eyes and says "Thank you Carina, I know it probably doesn't mean much to you. But thank you"

"Don't thank me yet Maya Bishop, you've got a lot of work to do." With that, Carina closes her car door, turns it on, pulls out of her parking spot, and drives off. 

Author's Note: 

Sorry it is so short, it took me a while to start, I hope to write longer chapters from now on.

Song is Castles by Lee DeWyze

Please let me know what you think!