Vents (You can read my venting if you want)

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I love how my day started out fine and dandy with me going to online classes and shit and then ending on my mom getting mad at me for starting a trimester on the "wrong foot".

I got ready for tutoring class, as I would since I actually enjoy being away from my family for 3-4 hours. When we get in her car to start going over there, she pulls out papers with my grades on them and starts talking about how I need to improve my grades because it's embarrassing to have my grades that low.

See, the only grades I have low grades on are Math (Algebra) and Science (Biology), which are usually the only two classes I can never pay attention to because the classes are boring. I can tell some people are thinking: "Well then it shouldn't matter then since you should be focusing on it anyway". I agree that I should be focusing on my work for these two classes as well as my others but it's hard to do that. I have an attention span of a goldfish, so it's even harder to focus on anything. I'm not that bad at paying attention if I was in an actual classroom with kids. But for about a year now, all I've done was online classes. I get easily distracted with anything around me anyway, especially with electronic devices. As long as there is a single eraser, pencil, paperclip, etc on my desk, I'll keep all my attention on that single object.

I also feel like it's important to say that I only just started high school last year. I'm doing my freshman year, in online classes, during a pandemic. Not only that, but I'm a huge introvert. Like, I can barely say a word to anyone unless they're extremely close to me. One time I was told to read something in front of the class in biology and as soon as I was done, I had a huge mental breakdown. It's hard to be engaged in a class when that's the kind of person you are. 

Also, I would usually not ever talk or acknowledge an argument my parents make about my grades because any mention of school makes me stressed out enough. So when my mom asked me about my grades, I just never said anything.

She started comparing me to money and other people like she wasn't paying for my counselor and didn't know about my mental illness, by the way, she is the one who had to pay for it and knew full well why she had to. So when she started comparing me to this one specific person she and I absolutely hated, that's when I had it with her. I didn't try and argue back or defend myself in the situation for the entire drive to my tutoring place. And as soon as we got there, I immediately ran out of the car and headed inside, when I heard my mom struggle in the background for some reason. I went over there and she said that if she saw anything wrong tomorrow morning with my grades or classes she would take away my phone.

Now that wouldn't be a big deal for me if it weren't for the fact that I met so many good people through my phone that helped me cope with situations and they were there for me whenever I felt down. They were really my only options to go to. So when I heard she would take it, that made me feel a bunch of mixed emotions. I ended up throwing my phone back into the car yelling at her and proceeded into the building I had to go to. Now I'm here during my break, being an annoying little shit writing this because I felt like being a nuisance to the internet. 

I wrote way too much so I'm gonna end it here.