Train Wreck

chapter 4

The next morning I didn't go to school, I stayed at home to rest. After last night I couldn't bare to show up at school, I'm pretty sure I was suspended anyways. I'm not sure when I'm gonna go back I might never go back, nah my mom wouldn't let me do something crazy like drop out of middle school.

I knew if I went down stares I'd wake my mom and she'd come in the kitchen to talk to me about last night, but I'm really just trying avoid any conversation with her. But I know in going to have to talk to her sometime I can't avoid for that long I mean we live in the same house, and I need her to make me food.

I wonder if she feels bad and is trying to avoid me, is she mad at me for making her cry again. Does she finally hate me?

I tried to sneak down stairs as fast and as quite as possible so I didn't wake her, but when I got down there she was already sitting at the table. I stopped and look at her for a moment to see if she'd start talking, but she didn't she just got up and got out the milk, cereal, and two bowls. I knew one was for me because she got out my favorite cereal. "Can you come sit down-" I hesitated "please?" She said making her bowl.

"Look mom, I'm sorry I made you cry and all. But you just don't get how I feel, you didn't even care that the man called your daughter a freak"

"I'm sorry that I said it's your fault honey, I know it's not but how you reacted wasn't such a good idea. May be if you handled it differently he wouldn't have said that"

"You really don't get it mom, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Those girls were missing with me and all i did was defend myself. And I get in trouble for that. I really wish you knew how hard I try to be better for you, get my grades up, To forgive my fucked up dad, get over Hazel, and not be suspended. So even if handle it differently it wouldn't change the fact that he called me a fucking freak. Maybe if you stop focusing on my mistake and focus on my accomplishments maybe we would have a better relationship."

"I'm sorry I really-"

"MOM, stop saying sorry it's not going to change anything. Thank you the cereal can we just eat and not talk about it any more."
We sat in silence for until there was a knock on the door. We weren't expecting anyone... well I wasn't. When I got up for the door the door was already open. It was a man that I think I remember seeing once upon at time but can't think of where I might of seen him from .
"who are you and why are in my house?" I ask him, I'm pretty sure he was one of my mom boyfriend's a while ago.

" Hey little girl is Nikki here" He ask me.

"Hey baby what are doing here this early...um I thought... we'd meet up tomorrow remember." my mom came out kitchen saying.
"Mom. Who is this, and why is he in the house?!"
Every time she get a boyfriend he end up screwing her over and there always to too young for her, I just don't want my mom to go through that again.
After my dad left she's just been hoping on dick left from right, one relationship to the next

" Um this is mommy's new...uh.. boyfriend." she said

what the fuck was she thinking, she just got dumped a month ago and now she in another relationship, I really hope I don't end up like her.

"Really mom?" I said then shook my head then went up to my room.

Nikki*

I told him that she wasn't going to school today why the hell would he show up like that. I know I just broke up with Mike a mouth ago but I just needed someone new and a fast. I hate being alone, I know I have Te but she can't hold me at night and and fuck me. I need a MAN a real man that can sweep me of my feet like Te's dad use too. oh how I loved that man.

I never knew why we didn't work out, he truly was the best I ever had. And trust me the dick was good, but it wasn't just that he made me feel like a queen. He really did hmm, but it wouldn't hurt for him to sped some damn time with his got damn kid. She need's him right now, shit I need him.
"Sorry babe I just wanted to see you." Luther said breaking me out of my thoughts.
" Its ok babe, I just.. haven't told her about us and well today isn't a good day for her to meet any new person in our lives."
" Your a grown woman why should she have any say in our relationship! Da fuck she have do whit US!"
" Look you need to watch who talking to like that, and she got a lot of fucking say." That nigga had me truly fucked up saying that my kid had nothing to do with us.
" Look if you came here to start some shit I think you should leave" I said pointing to the door. He got up left.

what if he never comes back, then I really fucked up. I'll find a way to make it up to him.

Later that day*

She still been up there in her room hasn't came since Luther came by, I hope they both aren't mad at me. I know she hates when I have new men in my life, it breaks my heart when she's mad at me. All I want yo do it make her happy because she's really all I have I don't want to lose her. She my only baby and I love her with all my heart no MSN would ever come between us ever as long as I live. I need her and she need me.
Damn I remember when she just 9 years old all her little girls friends would come over and be so damn loud haha, I miss those days. And little Hazel she was like a daughter me and when her mom called me...... man all I could do was break down in tears and when I told Te the last bit of light in her eyes where gone, that was the saddest I ever seen her.

I decided to go to her room and talk to her about me and Luther, I know she not gon wanna talk too me but I need to because if I don't shit who knows what would happen. I walk upstairs to her room and as always it locked, back in the day we didn't have locks and even if we did my momma woulda knock DAT shit down.
"Te please open the door so we can talk."
" Why, it's not like what I have to say is going to matter."
"It would if you would just open the door so we can talk, baby please" I beg her, a few seconds later I hear her unlock the door and sit back down on her bed.
"what mom?"she said, I raised one eyebrow at her.
"look little girl I'm yo momma don't what me, I just want to talk you about...uh.. Luther." I said sitting down on her bed
"What is there to talk about mom you always got men coming in and the house, I'm use to it." I was do hurt. this is how my daughter feels about me. But damn she being real disrespectful
" Who are you talking to like that. am your fucking mother how you just talk to me like that. Wow how would you feel if you child said shit like that to you wouldn't that hurt you ass." I said as i walked out and slammed the door.