hating me for loving you {h.s}

Chapter 13.

*PHOEBE'S POV*

  Fuck Ashlyn for waking me up to go on a jog with her, I was tired as shit.

  But I don't mind at the same time if it meant helping and taking care of Harry.

  Seeing him like that last night shattered my heart and I to pieces, not being able to pick the pieces up again. But, I could tell he was distracted from whatever took control over him, covering up what he wanted to tell me.

  And I'm not gonna lie, I'm really fucking nervous to find out.

  If I even find out... Harry's been acting very strange today. I can see why, but it's different when he's acting differently in front of me, too. 

  He told me he wanted to have a studio days before he fell asleep last night, which I obviously agreed to, but now seeing how he's acting, he doesn't look up for it.

  I don't know if he wants my company or wants to be alone, which last night he also told me he didn't wanna be alone, but that seems to have changed.

  Should I ask him? Or will he get upset... I don't wanna override his emotions, making him become sad or angry.

  He's been in bed and in the shower all day, I mean it's only 10am, but when I left he was in the shower again, green light and everything?

  Where did that even come from? Does he always have that on when he showers? I never noticed, which is maybe why he's never chosen to say anything about it.

  Harry's never been this secretive with me, nor this distant. I hate feeling like he needs to keep his problems and feelings from me.

I've never realized how much men are always told to keep their secrets inside, keeping them trapped in a box that has an unbreakable lock.

  It's heartbreaking, and again I haven't really thought about how hard it takes a toll on them, taught to be tough and super manly all the time.

  But they're humans too, why aren't they allowed to feel? Why is it only okay for girls and women to have feelings?

  It truly blows my mind, I don't get it.

  How does the world work that way? Who says it has to be that way?

  All this questioning makes me think of Harry, who's taught him to be like that? Anne is the sweetest person on the Earth, she's always opened up about how important it is to be different, be yourself and allow emotions to show through.

  I've never really been around Harry's dad, he doesn't talk about him much. The only thing I really know, is that his name is Max.

  Kinda sounds like a dick name if you ask me.

  Saying his name makes me wanna shit my pants, and not in a good way.

  Shitting my pants wouldn't be good either way, but it wouldn't be in a laughing way.

  "What was that loud noise last night? It woke me the fuck up." Ashlyn panted as we kept on jogging, the thought of Harry clouding my mind, not listening to a word she's been saying for 5 minutes.

  "I don't know..." I tried to act like I didn't know what she was talking about, but everyone knows I'm the shittiest liar out in this universe.

  "Lie lie lie..." She shook her head, letting me know for probably the fifth time today.

Listen, sometimes I can be really smooth and get away with it all... But that's usually only when I'm shitfaced drunk.

  "I kicked it open, okay? Why the hell does it even matter?" I yelled probably a little too loud into the open air, everyone on this park trail looking at me with what looked like Harry's angry eyebrows.