Every detail chapter one
"I'm doing it. In two weeks. I'm auditioning for the best ballet school in the country and if all goes well and I get in in two years I will audition for company." I told madam; Madam was my dance teacher ever since I was 2. She saw something in me when I was about 8. I was in dance class with the other 30 girls I had started with me and she walked straight up to me looked me directly in my eyes and yelled "YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE A GREAT DANCER" that stuck with me. It's what I base everything off of. Everything I do I can be good at if I put in the effort. So, I did. I put in the effort. My mom left me and my dad when I was five. My dad said that it was because she was no longer able to love herself enough to love others, so she had to go away. No, she's not dead she's just... sad. my dad told me when it comes to relationships you shouldn't be in one if you can't love yourself cause if you don't love yourself asking others to do so is selfish. I took it as good advice even though it was a little resentful towards my mom. I understood that though I would be too if my partner left me like that all alone with a 5-year-old. Then my dad died about 2 years ago I was 14 then. I lived with my aunt for a year and then when she got abusive, I was able to prove to the court that I could take care of myself and be on my own they still wanted someone to be there if I needed it and madam was that person. I was in tremendous dept to her for helping me out of that situation she had no children of her own, but I liked to think of myself as her daughter she let me stay with her on the condition that from then on, I would be pretty much independent she had a guest house I lived in. And she helped me turn the living room in there into a dance studio that I could practice in. She let me work in the dance studio to pay for dance class I taught ballet, tap, jazz and modern to 3rd-5th graders. I also was pretty much the secretary I answered calls while madam or another instructor was teaching.
When I told madam (I always addressed her by madam her real name is Allison parks, but it was considered rude to address a head ballet instructor as anything other than madam no matter how else you knew her.) she was so happy for me. And so proud of me she said she would gladly take me to New York and let me live in the apartment she had up there. She trusted me. She knew I didn't really care about drugs or alcohol I had had a couple boyfriends I got intimate with and she was the person who taught me how to be safe that way. Which was very awkward, and she seemed a little too comfortable with the subject. She trusted me with her apartment a privilege I was thankful for. I was so lucky to have a dance teacher who so this much potential in me. She said that in one week we would fly up to New York and she would show me around the city what to do and say (social norms etc.) what were the safest routes to and from everywhere and she said that we could rent a studio for the week on the studios credit card since I was auditioning with my dance studios name, they would pay for the rented studio. I immediately felt so much pressure to make the audition this trip would be completely free for me and it was already so expensive, and madam was paying for a New York two-bedroom Apartment. And just let me stay there. If I didn't make it in this entire thing would be a waste of time and money and everyone would be so disappointed in me. I couldn't let doubt get in the way though. For the next week I tried to talk about it as little as possible. I went to my classes as normal although I had begun to care deeply for the kids, I taught ballet, tap, jazz, and modern too. I got to watch them fall In love with dance and I got to hear them talking about how exited they were for pointe shoes. It always made me appreciate how far I'd come since I was thier age. The thought of not seeing them get a new skill every week made me sad though I knew I could always see them cause the other teachers would send me videos of them doing skills in their class that they learned in my class and they were excited about. I understood why madam was a teacher there was great joy in it. It wasn't really my thing though I just enjoyed the little smile on their faces.
As I walked into my last class of the week everyone was staring at me like I was crazy for being there I looked at them confused. It's important to know that when I started there were 30 girls who started with me there were now 6 including me. Me leaving would be good for them it would give someone else the chance to step up I would think it would be Mackenzie. Mackenzie didn't have the same privilege I did. She didn't live with a dance teacher she didn't have a dance studio to practice in but for some reason I took pride in the fact that she always practiced outside of class that's who I hoped would take my place as best dancer or whatever maybe someday she would audition for the school and we could work with one another again. I really hope that she finds a spark in ballet because she was really good. The other girls were lazy they didn't work hard and no longer enjoyed class working with them sucked because even though they knew all the choreography they thought that was enough. It wasn't I didn't think any of them would dance passed the age of 18 when they graduated and went somewhere else. I wasn't good friends with any of them we didn't talk much and I was pretty sure they all hated me due to the fact that I was the lead in pretty much every dance but I knew it wasn't because I was the favorite its cause my skill level was above theirs and I needed to be challenged more. But I would miss them we weren't good friends but we all grew up together.
"are you auditioning for the Baryshnikov ballet school?'' a girl named Lisa asked. I hadn't told anyone other than madam so I know she probably told one of the other teachers and one of the girls overheard. "umm... yes, I am..." I said nervously. "wow" the girl said "good luck I hope the audition goes well." she said kind sincerely. "thanks" I smiled. "what happens if you get in?" Mackenzie asked me nervously. "I move to New York and go to school there." I shrugged. Everyone looked at me with different expressions it felt like I should say something else but I couldn't come up with anything so I didn't finally a girl in the corner stretching said "well good luck" she said happily. "thanks" I smiled and went to the barre madam walked in a few moments later and began class.
