The New Guy

Chapter 6

Maybe it's because I finally thought that he'd open up to me. Maybe it's because I'm so stupid and naïve I actually believed that he'd think any more of me than he does.
I fall too easily, and if I fall for him I'll break.

I told him all those personal things, and it hurt me to tell him. Then he has the cheek and audacity to tell me I'm not worth his time?! How dare he! I didn't want it to happen like that. I though I might be able to break through his armour that he wears and see the real him for a change, because that's a side I've not seen yet.

My heart lifted and started to melt all in one at the start. He apologised, and sounded genuine. It was very uncharacteristic of him, and I guess I should be thankful on that front, but he turns so quickly.

It dangerous being around him; he can never stay in one mood for any longer than 5 minutes! I never know what to say or how to react around him for fear that I'll set him off. I have to treat him like a loaded gun, and one movement could cause carnage.

It's thrilling. The fear, I find myself craving it. I don't know how to react, I've never come close to feeling things like this. Normally I'd steer well clear of boys like him, but he sauntered into my life and changed it all. I don't even really know who I am around him: I have this new found confidence and carefulness, and I crave his attention and words, even if they do end up hurting me. I feel like one sweet word of his could bandage up one hundred cruel ones, which is completely insane. He's like an illegal drug, I shouldn't have anything to do with him but once I get a taste of what it's like being around him I'm always left wanting more.

I want to follow him and tell him to keep talking, that I would never judge him based on his past, but I'm too scared that he'll get mad and shout. It's so unpredictable and it makes it difficult to know what to do. If only he would talk to me, then I'd know how to handle him.
He's like a grenade I know he can blow up and destroy everything if I set him off.

I stand frozen, with my lips parted, staring at his back and wondering what on earth could have happened to him to make him so... Secretive? Reclusive? I don't even know how to describe him.

I continue with my walk home, secretly hoping that I'd feel a tap on my shoulder or hear my name being called from his lips, but I walk alone, with only my thoughts as my companions.

* * * * *

When I arrive home I find my parents still aren't home. I sigh a slightly defeated sigh and grab a snack from the cupboard, and a glass of water and make my way up to my room.

I sit cross legged on the floor, not really sure what to do with myself. I consider texting Niall; even though its sure to end up going wrong. I always mess it up, even if he's being agreeable.

I've always felt like sarcasm was my defence, but maybe with Niall I need to take a new approach: sarcasm hasn't worked, breaking down into tears obviously hasn't worked and getting angry always makes him laugh. I made him jealous without even trying, and now Liam has a black eye. I can't ignore him, because that's when he becomes more vicious.

I'm really running out of ways to approach the situation.

So, I sit on the floor and take a deep breath.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

I start to feel calmer already. I put on Fall Out Boy, as their music always makes me feel better, or helps de-stress me. I poke around in my drawers until I find the tube of henna paste I bought and start and intricate design on the back of my hand.

I'm not technically allowed henna at school, but what can they do about it?

I spend 15 minutes on my delicate zentangle-flower-shape-thing until I'm happy with it. Then I lie down on my soft rug and breath in the scent of my room.

I can't get angry with Niall. I can't cry. I can't ignore him.

What if I agree with him? I could just go along with what he says and maybe he'll feel some sort of guilt for the harshness of his words.

Satisfied with my plan I stand back up and change into my cosy pjs and set about making myself a mug of hot chocolate.

----- Niall's POV -----

I really thought that this time I was going to do it. I built myself up again and again to prepare for this moment, but crumbled under her gaze. What will she think of me?
If I let my walls crumble will I have any guard or will it all be let down?

I am a coward.

There's always that chance that she will judge me or make a sarcastic remark. But she doesn't strike me as the judgmental type.

I got home to my apartment, the interior is boring and there are no personal touches. I sigh and flop down onto the sofa.