DEAREST, pansy parkinson

ii. pansy's response

Dearest L,

That letter you sent. It was mysterious, but I got to know whoever is writing these beautiful, dark, twisted words, turning them into a string of poetry. 

Usually, I would do everything in my power to find out the masked writer but not in this situation. Your words got to me.

An answer to your question, I do feel lonely. Even surrounded by my friends, I feel like I cannot escape the terrible life I live in. 

My parents are gone, they've taken me into their life only to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes. And I'm scared. Hell, I'm fucking terrified.

It's cool to have a secret admirer. Someone who likes you for you, and you don't judge them because they're hidden behind words or gifts. 

Your story is quite the tragedy, L. 

Someone once told me tragedy is a fickle thing and I think I agree. I await death as well, but I promised that someone I'd live my life to the fullest. I haven't done that very well, have I?

You say you like the way I take authority and 'stand up for myself'. I disagree. It is purely me following my parents' wishes, becoming the abomination they want me to be. All so I'm not a failure in their eyes.

Pathetic, yes it truly is.

Funny how I take comfort in someone who hides behind words. But who else do I have? Draco Malfoy? He doesn't give a flying shit about me or my past. He just wants to shag and show me off like I'm some type of trophy. My life has become seriously fucked and there's nothing I can do about it. 

As for your other question, I myself cannot answer that. Voldemort 'plays god' as you said when he really isn't. He continues to kill, to murder for the mere fun of it and it rubs me the wrong way. 

The world as I know it is unstable, which is why I think I'm writing to you now. Comfort. Closure. To open up to someone. It isn't pointless to reveal your feelings to others. Of course, how could I know? My feelings are like a locked safe. No one can get in, and I'll never give away the password. 

I think Daphne Greengrass knows the password. I haven't told her, but she's been there for me recently and I'm so grateful for that.

Getting off topic, I know. So L, that adrenaline rush you were speaking about? I feel it. My heart's pounding out of my chest and my blood is flowing. It's different, but I think I like it.

It's astounding someone took the time to write to me. My parents don't even write to me anymore, and as much as I'd rather have it this way, I can't help but miss my old life.

I guess you could say this is 'Pansy's response' but to be truly honest, it isn't. It's simply me trying desperately to find something, anything good to hold onto. 

In the field of rightdoings and wrongdoings, I lie on the middle line, forever wondering which side I will choose.

Where do you lie, L?

Sincerely, Pansy