//It is angst-y but trust me! <3
A/N: Canon Divergence
Cinder's Perspective
There, it was that look which she had got from all other people over the years. She had been foolish enough to think that he would have been different. That he of all people would understand. After all he was the Emperor of the Eastern Commonwealth. There she was laying hurt on the stairway but all what he and the people would care about would be her cybernetics. In the end, the Emperor's personal guest was a cyborg. He had flinched at her sight. His eyes showed confusion then shame, regret and soon came disgust. He did not look disappointed that she was being taken into custody by the Lunar Queen for her execution on Luna. Better he looked happy; maybe the Queen was just saving him a whole lot of embarrassment.
He had said," You're even more painful to look at than she is."
She had never believed her partial synthetic heart could break into a hundred pieces but hearing him say those words it did.
Later she escaped and caused him many more problems. He had to deal with the threat of an intergalactic war, why would he not hate her after all what she had done. She kidnapped him. He gave her his support only after knowing that she was Selene, the long lost princess of Luna. It was more of a political move to dispose Levana off the throne with someone younger and naive so as to avoid a war. She knew it but yet her foolish self thought that the Emperor did it with some other motives.
After she had defeated the Lunar Queen, they had a professional relationship like all other world leaders. The press tried their ways to bring up statements of personal sentiments towards each other but it was a hopeless cause. They had not ever addressed each other as 'Cinder' and 'Kai' since the end of the rebellion. All kinds of attraction between the two if any were never spoken about. She had thought that the Emperor would not hold her against her cybernetics. She had believed that they could have at least been friends but it was a fantasy. They were never supposed to be anything, their paths were not supposed to cross but yet they did and it had been the greatest tragedy of her life. He believed that whatever happened between the two was an illusion. They did not address their pre-rebellion relationship but she wanted to. She wanted to know that the feelings were mutual and not just on her part.
Iko had tried to make the two friends but it was too awkward. Yet he was not the only one. Even Thorne had problems dealing with her cybernetics at first. The sweet little Cress who should have understood what it felt like did not look to her like a human. Scarlet and Jacin did not talk much about her cybernetics. They had come to accept her abnormalities but delusional Winter liked her Selene. She did not like cyborg Cinder. She was the one person who was most open about her cybernetics and Cinder had come to quite appreciate it. The Earthen leaders did not raise their prejudice against cyborgs. Lunars were better at handling her cybernetics then Earthens to say the least. They felt that cybernetics was quite cool but the opinion was restricted to the people who had been called as rebels during Levana's term. The aristocratic population of Luna did not like to look up to a cyborg Queen.
She was disappointed when Wolf did not understand her. After all, both of them owed their tragic bodies to science. They had been made and changed into laboratories, tested upon like some lab rats. She had thought that he would understand her as they had suffered for similar reasons. But guess what? Things do not turn out like the way you want them, she of all people should know that. Even though a wolf-hybrid soldier, he was still human, she was 36.28% not.
She recalled the time when she had addressed the issue of Cyborg Laws on Earth in one of the world meetings. Everyone had looked to her as if she had grown another head. Although they had promised to look into the matter half-heartedly, she came to realize that such promises were foolish to be taken into account and kept. Over the years she had learnt ways to get over her cybernetics criticism but the Emperor's look still haunted her. She had told Iko that she should take a skin grafting as she could no longer handle people gawking at her cybernetic body parts. Iko had denied calling how she was a symbol for all the cyborgs on Earth. Iko had yelled how her cybernetics was nothing to be ashamed of. Little did she know that she was not ashamed of her cybernetics, she regretted having them. She did not remember having a full body with cold and touch susceptibility, having eyes that could cry with tears of joy instead of notifications of increased secretions of hormones like dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin and serotonin. She could not remember how she had blushed, how color rose to her chubby cheeks when she giggled before she was burnt alive. She did not want to live in times like this. In times when memories of being a social outcast haunted her, when prejudices tried to drown her happiness.
Today was one such day. It was the Annual Peace Ball and she was invited by Torin. Not the Emperor but his royal advisor, maybe she had misjudged the Emperor's hatred for her. She was happy that it was Torin at least he had not hated her for her being a cyborg however they were on more civil grounds now. Torin was not quite bothered about her abnormalities like the others and she was grateful for that. She was about to be announced and that's when all the bitter memories came back. She could drown in her tears if she could cry. Iko had fretted about how she had to look pretty for the camera. She had no strength left to tell her that she was no longer the Queen that everyone wanted to please and take good pictures of. She missed Peony and that's when the headache kicked in.
She was the Emperor's personal guest, this was what she had been told but so were the other leaders. The Emperor had not shared a single dance with her in the entire evening. While the Emperor was off welcoming dignified guests unlike a Cyborg Queen, she had danced with unwanted nobles but it was not out of their will, it was more for power and position and forced respect.
The Emperor was busy dancing with the pretty woman that he had been courting. Iko had told her before they had flown to Earth. She had a headache for the entire night. Of course why would the Emperor not live his life with love and happiness? It was she who was having problems even after all those years.
She was dancing with Queen Camilla's son when the announcement was done. The handsome Emperor had gone on his knee and asked his pretty lady. They both looked truly happy and Cinder could not take it anymore. The lady had said yes and the cheers had erupted all around. Before she knew she was being hugged by someone, it was Iko, her dear and only friend.
"It's okay." She had whispered. She had excused herself from the crowd and left the ballroom. She could not stand watching the two lovers and the happy crowd around her. It was 'not okay' she had wanted to shout to Iko but her color changing eyes looked somewhere between dark blue and grey. She could not figure it out. If possible than Iko would have cried her eyes out but they could not cry and Cinder had never been so thankful to her synthetic eyes. She was an outcast all along. She was an outcast with power and titles but nothing else. The Emperor would have the cruel, evil and heartless Levana as his wife and Empress to protect his people but he would not give Cinder a chance to be friends with him. He would not give her a chance to tell him the truth. He would allow the year old prejudice to control their lives. He would never love her. He would never love a broken cyborg. He would never love someone as worthless as Cinder.
In the end even though a Queen, she was 36.28% not human whose heart had been shattered by the same boy again and again. She was defeated in her own life. Darkness was taking over her. She had already shut her eyes and the only amount of light was from the newsfeed fitted in her eye showing the news of Emperor's engagement besides the picture of His Majesty and His fiancee. With this thought she had become broken all over again. She allowed grief to take over, she could be human in her dreams.
The darkness consumed her, just like the flames once had.
___
Fret not lovely readers, there is more in store for you!! Hopefully a plot-twist!
Credits: The fanfic cover was by CosmicNovaFlare (A fabulous artist!) before. However, I changed it while editing!
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