but it hurts
there is so much egoistic love around me
i'm standing here alone
trying to work on me
always me-never them
pushing the fearness away
today no crying. again- today no crying
but when it comes it hurts so bad
this time with real tears
my heart aches, my back hurts i can barely breathe and I'm still pushing it away
bc they tell me ,youre strong"
„youre rushing"
„wait"
„have patience"
the next phone call is full of laughing and loving. its gone, as i said- they say
you wish, i wish
its the heartache that i dont want to feel bc it brings me to a point where i'm not on earth anymore but never mind
the fact that you don't understand - the fact that you're telling me over and over how it is to love - that love i never felt traumatizes me. please stop. please.
i don't want you as my friend anymore. you left me.
i'm alone, standing there - where this one person should stand. but then look i remember..
it's again this blonde girl.. she is older than me and she makes me insecure...
i'm embarrassed
you were so kind but im still embarresed
im embarresed bc i did what i did
im embarresed bc i know i'm not like that
im embarresed bc im in a cage of pseudo love.
im embarresed bc you dont know and you never will.
this is absurd.
when im ready to talk i can't
i take a breath to speak but nothing comes out.
nvm that everything is falling apart
nvm that im breakinh inside day for day a little more
nvm that i see everyone leaving without doing anything
