Eruri The Happiest That I Could Ever Be (Lemon)

Part 1 The Confession

LEVI POV

What is this feeling? You know, I really don’t know how I feel anymore. First it was pure hatred, I wanted to kill him. Then it was respect, he treated me as his equal before and after my friends died. There was no pity, no judgment, just respect to a fellow comrade. But one day, I’m not sure when it happened but it became admiration. It wasn’t love, it couldn’t be, but he was the only one that I could truly let my guard down with.  I did talk to him, but when I did I delayed and sometimes I just left in middle conversation. Truth is I really don’t know his interests, or really what to talk about around him. Was he too proud to talk of issues other than the military? These feelings are so confusing, I don’t know how to deal with them, and my kindness has grown slim, but my heartless appearance is just an act. I truly care about every one of my comrades. I must mourn behind closed doors, the process of grief and tear flow I have had to deal with has become more frequent. Does Erwin cry? He must, I mean he is human, I’m sure he must. But when, does he cry when only high ranked or close members of his squad pass, or is he like me and cries for every solider lost in battle. I’m not sure, would he cry if I died, does he care about me? These questions are always on my mind. A hand waving at me caught my attention.

“Levi…Levi?” Erwin waving his hand by my face.  

 “What is it Erwin?”

“You mean you haven’t been listening.”   

 “Sorry.”

“What?”    

“Tch.”

“Did you say sorry?” 

 “It doesn’t matter.”

“Levi, are you alright, you have been distant lately. Even when you are next to me I feel that you are elsewhere, am I wrong, so tell me… please.”    

 “It’s nothing, just thinking.”

Erwin looked at me with full interest, “Levi, you can tell me anything, and ask me anything, you know this.”

I ‘tch’ and begin to walk away and I feel a warm hand grasp my wrist. I shivered slightly at the contact.

“Please, Levi, let’s go to my office, we need to discuss your strange actions.”

Strange actions? Is that what they are, maybe it is strange to feel in this line of work. It’s strange to fall for a man, strange to love a high ranked officer, strange to love someone with all your being, strange to love the Great Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith. Goddamn it, what is wrong with me, it hurts so much to be near him, to see the concern on his face directed on me which I clearly don’t deserve. We made it to his office/living courters. He sat in his chair behind his desk, so I took a seat knowing that he wanted to have a long talk, or else he would still be standing.

“Levi, I’m going to be straight forward toward you, is someone hurting you?”

What? Hurting me, what does he mean? He got up and walked towards me with pure sadness in those beautiful blue eyes.

“Please Levi, tell me who is hurting you, it pains me to see you with such weakness.” I snapped.

“What the fuck are you talking about, no one could ever lay a hand on me, don’t ever assume that I am weak.” I sighed and kept myself together, not wanting to crack under Erwin.

“Levi, I am well aware that no one could lay a hand on you, I mean that pained expression that I see. Why are you hurting, who is making you sad and/or heartbroken?”

I could see that he truly cares, that’s why it hurts so much. Don’t be so kind to me, when I know that you don’t care for me that way.

“Erwin,” he stood next to me. “Yes Levi,”