Calamity with angels //HS

Innocence and disconnections, Chapter 7

February 36

Sage

no calls, no texts, no show.

it's been three weeks since the last show, since i put on my own show. Since i opened myself up to the person who's left me seen like an art exhibit. stays with you for some time, but never forever.

when i was growing up, before my mother passed, she always taught me how happiness was a puzzle and everyone had their own pieces they needed to find. So, for her, my father and i were big pieces of that puzzle as well as the snow, chocolate cake, snowboarding and so many other things, she always told me her puzzle was full at the moment but that sometimes pieces would get lost, would disconnect for a while. She told me pieces either came back bigger and brighter or other pieces filled with different things would replace them.

I had never really thought about my puzzle, about what it means to looser pieces snd the pain it can cause when a piece gets taken away. It's like each time another piece is found for me, a different one gets ripped from its place, like a never-ending tug of war between happiness and pain.

i get pulled out of my rhythmic trance by my phone ringing loudly in the other room. "SAGE, it's Niall want me to answer for you?" Clems husky voice travelled down the hallway as i was getting up from the bed "no don't stress i've got it" i yell back almost knowing that she would've picked it up anyway "too late Niall says hurry up it's important" i roll my eyes at the absolute ignorance of what i've said and laugh when i hear clem making fun of Niall for his morning voice.

their like best enemies those two

i shove clems shoulder before I grab the phone out of her slender hands and put it up to my ear. "sup Nai what's the big deal" almost laughing at the thought of anything important coming from Nialls mouth "Got another gig-" "CONGRATS that's so amazing where at?" there's a pause on the other end of the line, the crackling only silenced by the shaky breaths coming from Niall "Niall what's wrong why are you not saying anything?" now my own shaky breaths were joining his my heart beating faster then the speed the chill tan down my spine "Niall fucking say something or i'm coming over."

"its at misfits"

what. the. fuck.

my hands start shaking, the phone almost slipping from my grip as i falter a bit in my step. Clem rushes over to me grabbing the phone "awesome news niall, indi has to go for a hot minute she'll call you back... i think, i don't know, count your blessings" she hangs up the phone on a now rambling niall and sits down beside me rubbing my back. "what is it sage, what'd he do" Her confident demeanour faltering into the nurturing one she always hides from everyone but me when i'm sad.

Clem and i have known each other since we were little, when i got put in foster care it broke us. we couldn't see each other, couldn't talk. had to live through memories of the times we once had. That was the second time it hurt to loose a puzzle piece. Clem was the second biggest after my mother when it came to each size piece and having they ripped out of you for what then seemed like forever nearly broke me.

i became quite, more defiant, broke rules more and forgot about happiness and my puzzle and instead replaced it with disconnection. Disconnected from my past, unbothered by my present and never thinking about the future. it's how I survived, which is the only way I can put it, surviving because living would mean that in that part of my life it felt like i had something to live for and that something had left me a long time ago.

When i got out of foster care she was the first person i tried to find, going to her family
house and breaking down in the living room to the adults i once knew and loved so much was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. But since then we have been living together, both disconnected from everyone but each other, with each-other the masks come off and we learn to feel, to understand and to hope, with each other, we have something to live for.