The Dawn of Autumn

Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter 19:

Where Do We Go From Here?

Alison didn't feel like going home. Emily had asked for her space. Alison knew that she couldn't sit idly in her house when Emily was right across the street. She wouldn't be able to stop herself, not with temptation so close.

She knew that Emily was struggling. She could see it. But she didn't know how to help her. She had a feeling that she was pushing too hard. And she was afraid if she held on too tight that she would suffocate her.

But it wasn't in Alison's nature to let Emily sit in silence and suffer alone. She knew that if she went home she'd see Emily's light on. She'd sit alone in her empty house, because her stupid snotty parents were gone again. She'd think about getting into her dad's liquor. She'd get frustrated. She'd pace around her bedroom for a little while. Then she'd give in and she'd go over to Emily's house. And she'd push, and then they would fight. Alison didn't want to fight.

They'd never really had a fight before. They'd bickered. They'd chastised one another. But it was never anything serious. Emily said she wasn't mad, but Alison could feel the tension between them when Emily walked away.

She'd screwed up. She knew she needed to get a handle on herself. The passion that she felt for Emily had awakened something in her that she couldn't tamp down. Her emotions had erupted in uncontrollable ways. She needed to learn how to control herself.

Control had always been hard for her. She'd never been taught self-control as a child. She knew that she was impulsive and selfish. It was something she knew she needed to work on, if not for herself then for Emily and the baby. She knew kids needed stability. She knew exactly what happened when they didn't have it. Because she'd never had it.

Her parents had always been absent, and as much as she hated them...she resented them all that much more for not being there for her. She hated that her mother drank. She hated that her dad was a philandering whore. Her brother was so inconsiderate and egotistical that it had taken Emily defending her honor before Jason had done something about his asshole friends.

She didn't have any real memories with her family. Most of her conversations with her parents revolved around her mother's narcissism and her father's chokehold on control.

If her mother wasn't sniping, "Posture, Alison. I won't have people thinking that my daughter is a slouch" then it was her father sneering at her and saying, "Don't forget your place in this family."

Her mother was always telling her not to talk to "the help" because they were inferior. Her father was constantly snapping at her for no good reason. And Alison thought that was normal. She thought that every family was like that.

It wasn't until she met Emily that she realized how good it felt to love and be loved. Emily had been the first person in her life who had cared about her. The brunette had come along and changed her entire world. That's why she held on to her so tightly.

Emily changed everything. Alison knew the second she saw her moving boxes with her father that she was something special. It wasn't every day that a girl with purple streaks in her hair and a motorcycle rolled into town. She was unique, and she had that little taste of danger that Alison craved.

The more she learned about her the more she fell for her. She wanted to know everything about her. But she hadn't been expecting such a huge curveball. Learning about the baby had been intimidating. And also a little bit exhilarating.

She knew that the pregnancy was going to be challenging. But she had no idea the emotional toll it was going to take on them, especially with a psycho somewhere behind the scenes.