the girl and her golden boy

prologue

Did you know that women are three times more likely to commit suicide in their lifetime than men?

Did you know that 1 in 4 women experience physical or sexual abuse during pregnancy?

Did you know that over 60 million girls worldwide are child brides, forced to marry off before the age of 18?

Did you know that up to 603 million women live in countries that don't consider domestic violence a crime?

Did you know that almost one-third of all women who have been in a relationship have experienced physical and/or sexual violence by their partner?

If you can sit there and say that women have it easy - then you're the problem.

Women are not objects. Women are not toys that men can just play around with when they're bored.

Women are people.

I've always been one to stand up for women's empowerment.

I've been a victim of sexual abuse since the young age of six years old. The abuse psychologically affected me, it forced me to mature at a younger age.

Sexual abuse is something I'd never wish on anyone - not even my worst enemy.

The first time it happened I was wearing the nightgown my grandmother had bought me that Christmas. I was sitting on living room couch one night, playing with my Barbie dolls when my father sat down next to me.

My father and I were never close - nor will we ever be. When I was younger he'd appear every several months out of the hole he was hiding in and would hand me a large stack of cash for child support.

When I was younger I'd hear stories from my kindergarten friends - they'd tell me how much fun they had with their dads during the weekend. I would watch as their eyes sparkled with happiness and their mouths were always smiling or giggling. I wanted that.

I always found myself wondering what it was like to have a dad. I always felt guilty for thinking that - I felt guilty for not considering my father, my dad.

There's a very big difference between those two roles.

Father describes the man whose sperm had a part in creating you.

A dad is someone who loves you unconditionally - someone who would do anything for you. A dad is someone who keeps a roof over your head and feeds your stomach every day.

My father is not my dad - nor will he ever be.

That night he sat next to me, then proceeded to drug my orange juice. I woke up the next morning with bruises in places they shouldn't have been, an ache between my legs, and no memory of the night before.

It wasn't until I was older that I understood what happened.

I had my innocence forcefully taken from me when my heart was pure and my soul was young - I will never forget that.

I've gone through many traumatic experiences in my lifetime, I've seen things that no teenager should  - I like to think that the past has shaped me into the person I am today. 

The person who has finally given up.

I feel the wind pressing against my body as I step up onto the ledge. I close my eyes and breathe in the fresh air. The water below seemed to be calling my name.

Death is starting to sound peaceful.

It wasn't until I jumped off the ledge that I realized I want to live - I want to survive. I want to grow old and have children - I want to fall in love.

It was too late - or so I thought.

Who knew the school's golden boy would be her knight in shining armor?

In seventh grade he would laugh at the girl when bullies would kick her to the ground as if she was a rag doll - he didn't care.

In eighth grade he called the girl a freak when he saw the visible cuts and scars on her arms during gym class - he didn't care.

Freshman year he didn't feel like talking to the girl when he saw her pop a few pills before first period - he didn't care.

Sophomore year he laughed as his friends would jokingly catcall a girl on her way from home - he didn't care.

Senior year he saved the girl when he saw her jump off the ledge of the bridge next to his house - he began to care.

Roman saved Zadie's life - he began to care.

Zadie changed Roman's life - she began to care.