Save Me

4

Tears pour from Namjoon's eyes, "I-I uh.... I've got to go." Jungkook watches as Namjoon runs out the door in a hurry. Jungkook sits confused as to what triggered his hyung and glances back to his phone when he sees the hashtag. 'Oh no...' He is quick to dial Jin's number and anxiously waits for him to pick up. "Kookie? What's up, I'm busy." The sound of Jin's voice instantly calms the younger.
"I-it's Namjoon hyung. There's a hashtag trending on twitter an-and he saw it. It's all my fault I'm so sorry hyung I should've checked." The maknae breaks down crying.
"What hashtag, Kook?" Concern is evident in the elders voice.
"Hashtag Namjoon leave BTS." The line goes dead, "Hyung?" Jungkook receives no reply.

Namjoon sprints out of the building, ignoring the calls of his friends and manager. His feet hit the floor, desperately trying to escape his worst fear. 'They hate me, all of them hate me.' The tears continue to fall while he runs through puddles and mud; the wind mocks him, going faster than he ever could. Cars whiz past him, continuing about their day; children play in the street, oblivious to the males torment. With no destination in sight, he halts. Namjoon makes his way towards a rustic bench, sitting quietly on it. His platinum hair dishevelled, much like the rest of him. He runs his shaking hands through his hair, regaining some composure. His stomach growls making him realise he hasn't eaten at all today, 'probably for the best, you're already fat enough. No wonder everyone hates you. Here you are, by yourself, thinking about stuffing your face with food. You disgust me.' Namjoon shakes his head and looks straight ahead of him. A taxi is parked not too far away with no one waiting for it. Shaking, Namjoon stands up and makes his way over to the vacant taxi and knocks on the window. "Excuse me?" the taxi driver rolls down her window, smiling warmly at the man near her window. "Are you free?" The woman nods and Namjoon opens the back door, sliding in comfortably and the door slams shut. "Where to, sweetie?" the woman, probably in her late fifties, asks him kindly.
"Um c-could you just drive please? I don't mind where I just need to drive." Namjoon smiles awkwardly and rings his hands together, his bottom lip bleeding from the amount of times he has bitten it today. The woman nods and starts the engine, the car pulling out of the parking spot and onto the surprisingly uncrowded road. "Bad day?" she seems genuinely curious, so Namjoon answered her honestly. "Uh yeah I guess. I might have to leave m-my band..." he trails off, hoping to speak no more of it.
"Oh yeah? What band are you in? I might've heard your music."
"We're called BTS." A look of familiarity crosses the woman's face.
"I knew I recognised you, my daughter is a big fan of you." The woman spends the next twenty minutes talking about herself and her family. Meanwhile, Namjoon looks out of the window blocking her from his senses. The world passes him by in a blur. Eventually, the pair drive into the countryside, far away from the busy city and all of his problems. An idea presents itself in Namjoon's mind. "Sorry," the woman stops talking for the first time in forty minutes, "here will do fine, thank you."
"You sure, darling? We're in the middle of nowhere," she slows the car to a stop, "I can wait for you if you'd like?" Namjoon shakes his head and thanks her for the ride, paying her the fee and tipping her generously. He watches as she speeds off, leaving him by himself. 

Observing his beautiful surroundings, Namjoon takes a deep breath in. The clean air is a nice change from the city air; a scent of rain left from the downpour that morning. Namjoon feels his phone vibrate in his jean pocket and pulls it out reluctantly. 
20 missed calls from Kook
37 messages from Jin hyung
15 missed calls from Taehyung
57 messages from Hoseok
Namjoon turns his phone off, placing it back in his pocket. He makes his way over a fence into a flower field. A big willow tree sits near the water bank, protecting itself from the outside world. Exhausted from crying, he sits down at the base of the tree and peers out at the water in front of him. "When will it all stop?" he sighs, "Great, now I'm talking to myself." A small but pained chuckle breaks through his chapped lips. He leans his head against the stable tree and talks to no one in particular, "I'm so tired... I can't do this anymore. Would it just be easier to give up?" He looks longingly at the lake. Thinking. "I can't do that... can I? No one would know, nor would they care. But I haven't said goodbye or left a note. Why would I need to do that if no one cares? I have my blade with me... I could cut myself then jump into the lake. I know I won't fight, I'm way too tired." His hand reaches to his left jean pocket and he pulls out the small case. The case is held in Namjoon's hands, being flipped and spun, another anxious habit of his.  He opens the case and pulls out a blade. Namjoon looks at his untouched arms, "I can't do this. I have too many responsibilities." Namjoon never cut on his arms because as an idol, he has to be flexible with his wardrobe and wearing long sleeves all the time would raise questions he didn't want to answer. He lowers his right hand and looks at his jeans. Glancing all around him, he pulls his jeans down just far enough to see his thighs. The bandages unravel and before any air can get to them, Namjoon adds to the collection. He watches intensely as beads of blood form in an orderly line. Cutting over old scars, reopening wounds, Namjoon doesn't care. He needs the release; the calmness that comes afterwards. He can't stop. Namjoon moves onto his other thigh, repeating the process. Watching. Once satisfied with the cuts on his skin, he puts the bloody blade back into its container, waiting to be used again. Namjoon makes no effort to clean himself up, instead he pulls out his phone and opens the camera. The camera clicks as he takes photos of his bleeding thighs. He knows it's wrong and weird but he cannot help it. Namjoon needs to be able to have proof he hurt himself and to be able to relive the sensation without doing the act. Dark spots obscure his vision for the second time that day. "I think I need to go home." Namjoon manages to wrap his thighs in the bandages again and pulls himself up from the floor, whimpering in pain. Namjoon checks the time, 18:23. "Fuck, I'm in trouble." Weighing his options, Namjoon opens his contact list and calls Jin. The phone only dials for a second before there is an answer. "Namjoon! Where are you?! Are you okay?!" The aching adult pulls the phone away from his ear, waiting for his hyung to stop shouting.
"Hyung, I'm fine. I just needed to, uh, clear my head. Could you pick me up please?" Namjoon interjects.
"I'm glad you're okay. Where are you?"
"I'm not quite sure, sorry." Namjoon looks around him, trying to find a single road sign or something to tell him where he is. 
"It's okay, check google maps." Jin soothes the younger and Namjoon starts to think logically again, pulling up the app on his phone. After a few minutes he has a rough idea of where he is and lets Seokjin know. The call ends with Jin starting the car. Namjoon looks behind him at the lake and willow tree. The sun is starting to set and the reflection of it is almost hypnotising. Namjoon once again pulls out his phone camera and takes a picture for when he needs to come back here.

"I'm glad you're okay," Jungkook engulfs Namjoon in a constricting hug, "I'm really sorry, hyung. I didn't see the hashtag." Namjoon offers words of comfort to the younger clinging to him. 'He doesn't care about you. He just didn't want to get in trouble.' The rest of his band members crowd around him in the living room at their dorm. "I'm alright, seriously. We need to get some rest, we're seeing Halsey tomorrow." The group look at him sceptically but eventually listen to him and go their own ways. "I'm just going to wash up," Namjoon tells his friend still clinging onto him. Jungkook is eventually pried off from Namjoon, allowing the still bleeding man to walk to the bathroom. The door closes behind him and the extractor fan whirs into life. Turning the shower on, he slowly starts to strip, careful not to touch his thighs too much. He climbs into the shower and lets the water run over him. 'Well done, you didn't eat at all today. Let's see how you do tomorrow, fat ass.' Namjoon sighs, he thought he had gotten rid of the voice for tonight. Oh, how wrong he was.