𝘼𝙧𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙖 𝙋𝙖𝙡𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚 | 𝙆𝙮𝙡𝙤 𝙍𝙚𝙣

the letter

Dearest Kylo,
13 years ago I was merely just an 8 year old village girl, with a name and family that seems so distant to think about. When we began training 6 months ago in hopes of embracing the dark within me I thought I was finally becoming who I was meant to be; Arpina Palpatine, future Empresses of the First Order. These 6 months have been nothing short of admiration and attraction for you. From day one of me boarding this ship I have felt the power within me, I just didn't understand it; now I stand before you, ready to change my fate, embrace the good for once. My dearest Kylo no matter how much I love you, I have had to push aside the thought of being with you, for the both of us, and for that I regret to inform you that I am leaving the First Order; in return, leaving you.
In these 6 months I have grown quite fond of your petty jokes, and countless nagging at the endless stars; however, I feel as though I have become a distraction to your training. In the beginning it was a good thing when supreme leader Snoke let me become your apprentice, but now all I have become is an echoing vision of what you despise. Your friend. This sole fact is not allowing you to flourish. Kylo I am going to be frank here, I love you with all of my heart and I don't want to leave you. I don't want to think of what life is like without you here, I have grown accustomed to you being here and I feel like I will fail without you. However, all I have been in this lifetime is a stormtrooper, and an unknown palpatine; I want to be more Ky. I want to travel to all of the planets and universes you told me not to. I want to rebel, I want to seek adventure, I want to be with you; but, we both know that isn't an option.
As I made this decision, I dared not to consider your feelings, we both know I would have stayed if I had chosen to indulge in your thoughts. I couldn't fathom the hurt you feel Ren, I didn't want to. I remember the first time I met you, as if it was only yesterday, that dark helmet walking up to a stormtrooper who didn't understand her fate; I felt the relentless attraction as if we were combined from one soul, made for one another, your heartbeat in sync with mine. I knew you felt it too, the fant day was the beginning of us, and this is the end. My dearest sweetboy, I know you feel the light within both us, and I know you are turning from it; I understand, but I no longer can. You have taught me many things, and many important lessons that I will carry with me wherever I go. I wish I could hug you, I wish I could kiss you just one more time, I wish I could play with that tangled mess of raven hair. You were the moon to my sun, and I owe my life and heart to you.
Throughout all the heartache of writing this I have been exploring your thoughts, I know.. Privacy is important, but how do you just let go of the one person who has shown you love since your parents. I believe in the thought of us seeing each other again, maybe in a different time, when sides aren't at war, and you have exposed yourself to true happiness, Kylo Ren, my dearest love, my Ben Solo; you did not kill your father, nor did you harm all of those people, Supreme Leader Snoke had you under his grasp. I believe in the light you possess and I know you will find your way even if I am not there. I know you can talk to me in my dreams or talk to me through my head, but don't use it unless you truly need me, I will always be here and always feel you, I will know when something is wrong, and I will feel every emotion you feel; however, don't try and look for me, I won't be with the resistance, and I won't be with the First Order.  I have exemplified my view on the bigger picture; am I happy? Or am I just floating by? The answer is neither. I want to be free, I want to stop having to feel the darkness consume me, and on the flip slide I want to stop feeling the light consume me. I am leaving Kylo, I am not coming back, I am becoming free and so should you. I believe in you, I believe in both the dark and light within you, I don't know where I'd be or what my life would be without you, and I will always hold a special place in my heart for you. Find your destiny my dearest Ben Solo. May the force be with you. I love you.

Forever and always,
-Arpina Palpatine