Searching at the Darkness

Chapter 1 (Finally!)

This isn’t some Annie happy singing story. This is life. My life. My life ended as soon as this stupid, evil nurse stuck my inner arm. I jump and growl at her.

“Hey! Do you even know what you’re doing?” I growl at her.

My mom takes my hand and squeezes it lightly. “Please calm down, Maddie.”

I grunt and ball my hand up. The nurse stuck my inner arm further and drew my blood. She puts a Band-Aid on it and took the tubes to the clipboard.

“We will analyze your blood and then see what is there.” She smiles a very fake smile and then leaves with my blood. 

I scoff at the door and my mother swats at my hand. She takes it lightly and squeezes. I can tell she is really nervous. The reason I am in this hellhole is because I collapsed yesterday while I was doing the dishes. It’s unusual for me to completely black out. Not to get dizzy though. See, I have type two diabetes. My body needs insulin. It sucks, because I really hate needles. And doctors. Life didn’t change one bit because only my parents, Carol and Phillip know. I didn’t tell my best friend Hailey or anyone on my cheer team. I still cheer even with diabetes. My doctors have told me to stop but I always tell them to screw themselves. Cheering is something I can relate too. However, I have a dream. I haven’t told anyone my plans. Only my diary knows. Yes, I have a stupid diary at seventeen years old. I don’t give a shit. I’m me and you’re you. My mother brings me out of my la la land and squeezes my hand again.

She smiles softly. “Everything’s going to be just fine baby girl.”

Carol and Phillip adopted me when I was twelve years old. I lived my entire life in the system until them. They adore me. I am their whole world. I’m glad to have them. I smile softly at my mother.

“How long until they find out? I’m sure I just didn’t eat enough.” I wave my hand vaguely.

Phillip shakes his head in disapproval. “You need to eat. You have to maintain your blood sugar. It’s vital.”

“I will, I will.” I smirk at him and he’s back to his spunky self. I love my dad, he’s just like a kid. Unless he’s in daddy mode. It can be scary sometimes. Mom is always in mommy mode. I love them both though. They are my guardian angels. They protect me. I pull myself from my inner self and my unknown past and look around the boring hospital room. I see posters about maintaining weight and stressing the need for a flu shot. I see the stick that they stick all the way down your throat and make you say ah. I sigh signaling I’m bored.

“How much longer? I’m so freaking bored!” I grunt in annoyance now.

My mom shifts in the cheap plastic black seat that they provided her as my dad stands. I am on the long medical table where they probe you. I grunt again as they ignore me. My mind drifts swiftly to my own world. I think about my best friend and this life changing secret I have kept from her. From everyone, expect my parents. I wanted the normal life and that is what I got. Except every ‘normal’ life has bumps, yet my ‘normal’ life took a complete nosedive. I manage taking a shot of insulin almost twice and day and having to prick my finger in order to see if I am okay or not. I can range from way too low to way too high in the blink of an eye. I feel like it’s a super power. I laugh in my mind and snort in reality. I feel my mom nervously squeeze my hand but I ignore her. I really don’t know why they are so panicky, it’s not the first time I’ve collapsed, even though it is rare. I’m so unpredictable. It’s a bitch. I go back to the thought of my best friend. It’s Saturday, she must be out with someone or something. We are both rather popular girls. Her, go figure, also a cheerleader. That’s how we meet.

Hailey is very shy but very spontaneous. She will be all a sudden really quite then she will burst into uncontrollable laughter for no given reason. It’s rather strange but her mother had her checked, she’s good. I’m starting to get really uncomfortable and I stand. I realize I feel a haze run over my eyes. I shrug it off and move to an organizer hanging on the wall full of magazines. I pick one at random because I have no real interest in them. I look at the front page and see a woman holding, I believe, a Grammy? I don’t use the internet or anything. I’m very personal, even if I don’t act like it. I skim through a few pages and land on an article talking about cars. I smirk wickedly at the beautiful blue and black Lamborghinis. That’s my dream car. The blue one. I just see myself, smiling ear to ear driving as fast as I can down an empty road. I ignore the article and focus on the cars. So beautiful. I reluctantly flip a few more pages, and I see another article that reflects the Grammy’s. I was right! It does pay off to listen to kids around me at school. I skim through the rest of the magazine and put it back in its pouch. I look at my dad and he smiles. I smile back and twirl, just twirling in circles.

I love to dance. I am actually filling in my mother’s shoes with the whole cheerleading thing. I relate to it because it makes me think of my mom, Carol. I smile at her and I see her relax a little. She coolly smiles back.

“Maddie. Please sit, baby.” She regards me softly.

I stop twirling and look at her then casually sit back on the medical table.

“This is so boring! I’m fine!” I sigh in pure frustration after ten painfully slow minutes.

“Maddie, it takes time.” My dad says trying to calm me. I groan then hear a soft knock at the door. Finally!

I see the door open slowly. My face looks at Ms. Evil Nurse. She looks like she saw a ghost. My mother can’t control it anymore when she sees the nurses face. A heavy heart breaking sob overtakes her body and she is crying into her hands. My father instantly goes to comfort his wife. Me? My face is cool and calm. So is my body and mind. I see my doctor, Mrs. Mahogany looking at me, her expression reflecting my own. She smiles at me a little and I smile back.