Letters

Sincerely Yours

Mason,

You’ve been my best friend for so long that I can’t even remember a time when you weren’t. Kind of funny, really, considering what I’m about to write.

I’ve tried writing this letter so many times that I swear the trash can is overflowing with paper now. I… guess I just couldn’t find the right things to say. It’s even worse than that one time that I needed to pass an essay to Miss Shears; you know, the one that you had to help me with? I still remember every moment with you as if it was yesterday, and that just scares me even more because at the same  time, I can remember every single time I…

Fuck, this is hard. But I have to say it, okay? I have to, or it’ll drive me mad from having to hold it in.

The reason why I’m writing this is because… well, it’s because I’m in love with you.

It really is funny, actually, ‘cause until now I’ve never actually been able to put it in words. It feels good to let it out. For so long… I’ve been in love with you for so long.

Every time you stayed with me when no one else would, every time you helped me, every time we talked about anything and everything under the sun and just laughed… I came closer and closer to falling. The only thing I don’t remember is when I actually fell; but it feels as if I’ve been in love with you my entire life, but I’ve never had the guts to actually admit it to anyone, much less you.

As long as you’re with me, as long as I don’t lose you, it’s okay.  Being with you, being in love with you but not being able to admit it… it hurts, but I can live like that. Losing you… I can’t.

I’ve tried to tell you so many times, tried to let you know how much I’d fallen, but every time I try, my throat dries up and I can’t speak, I can’t make myself do it because I’m too fucking scared to lose you that I can’t… I can’t say it, you know? At least, in writing, I won’t have to deal with your face if you ever read this; at least this would save me some of the pain.

But I never stopped trying to tell you, you know? Every day, I kept thinking that “This is the day, this is when I tell him.” But I can’t and all I do that day is fall for you even more. You never believed me when I told you that you were one of the best people on the planet, but everyone else believes the same thing.

You’re… you’re perfect, at least for me. You… you’re kind, you’re gentle, you always find a way to make someone laugh… you shine so brightly that your flaws just make you look even better. You’re not perfect, but that’s why you are.

I guess that I never really thought you would find someone, as selfish as I was. So when Dana came into the picture I just… I couldn’t bring myself to try anymore. Looking at the two of you together always makes me teary eyed, and the one time you noticed that you didn’t actually realize why.

She’s a great girl, you know. I can see that she makes you happy and vice versa, and because of that, I can’t help but hate her, no matter how unfair that is. Part of me hates her because every time you kiss her, I wish it was my lips that were on yours. Every time you two go to have some "alone time" in your room, I know that you're going to be sinking into her moist heat soon, and dammit if I don't wish that it was me you were fucking. Every single time you look at her with all that love in your eyes… all I can imagine is what it would be like if you looked at me like that, as more than just your best friend, but as your...

But that doesn’t matter now. I love you, Mason.

So just for today, I’ll be your best friend. For one last day, I can plaster a smile onto my face and be the happy, content friend that you think I am. For one day, I’ll push my own feelings aside to let you-

Wyatt stops writing, unable to contain his tears. This was supposed to be cathartic, a release of emotion so  that the rest would be easier, but-

A knock announces Mason’s entering the room. Wyatt wipes his eyes and crumples the letter up, throwing it towards the trash can, which is now overflowing with discarded, crumpled pieces of paper.

“What was that?” Mason asks, curiosity clear in his voice.

“Nothing.” Wyatt says, and he hopes, he prays to god that Mason doesn’t ask about why he’s trembling, why his eyes are red from crying.

“You look terrible.” Mason frowned. Wyatt tried his best to smile, hoping that it wasn’t trembling as it felt like it was. Mason strode forward, taking a closer look at Wyatt, trying to determine what the problem was. Large hands raised to cup Wyatt’s face but stopped when Wyatt stepped only barely further away. If Mason touched him, he would break down, and he couldn't do that to him. No, better that Mason didn't touch him and the day go as soothly as it possibly could.

“I’m fine.” Wyatt says, and he gains enough control over his voice to speak normally now. He wants to scream it, to make Mason see, to scream out “I love you” but he can’t. “Just nervous.”

Mason seems to take him at his word, straightening and allowing the euphoric expression to return to his face. Wyatt can’t help but notice how good he looks like that, all dressed up in a tux and smiling.

“You ready?” And even Mason is nervous, because who wouldn’t be? Wyatt wanted to cry, but he kept the smile plastered onto his face. Just today. He just needed to be strong for today.

“Of course, Mason.” He said, his voice cracking. “Let’s get you hitched.”