Euphoria: Rue and Lexi

~7~

Rue's POV

What the fuck am I doing at Lexi's house. And why the fuck didn't she kick me out? Isn't she mad at me for how I acted this morning?

We make it to her room and I notice Cassie isn't here.

"Where's Cassie?"

"She's hanging out with Maddy, BB, and Kat at the mall."

I can see that she looks a little hurt when she says this. I can tell that Lexi often feels left out when her sister hangs out with her friends and doesn't include her. Lexi doesn't have that many friends, but neither do I. Her excuse is that she's not a attention seeking whore. Mine is that I'm just super fucking depressed.

"Oh..." I said, not knowing what else to say.

"What was that about an abortion?" I ask carefully.

Lexi sits down on her bed and sighs.

"I know it's not really my place to tell you, but I trust you," she looks at me, as if she's trying to make me believe her. "Cassie got pregnant with McKay's baby and she got an abortion a few weeks ago." 

I don't say anything. What am I supposed to say to that? I just stand there awkwardly.

"It was really hard on her," Lexi's voice cracks. I see a tear run down her cheek.

She cares so much about her sister. It's so fucking adorable.

I walk over to her bed and sit down next to her. I wrap my arm around her and she lays her head on my shoulder. We sit there for a while, until she stops crying.

"What am I doing? You're the one that came here upset and I made this all about me," she says. No you didn't, I'm glad you're leaning on me.

We sit in silence some more, until finally Lexi raises her head off my should and looks at me.

"So what happened this morning?"

I sigh.

"I-" I start.

"I know Jules is back in town," Lexi says, like she knew that's what I was going to say.

"Yeah, but it's no excuse to treat you like that," I take a few breaths. "I'm just so fucking conflicted."

"Why? I thought you hated Jules now?"

"I do, but I also miss her."

Lexi looks a little disappointed. She lays her head back down on my shoulder.

Silence.

"I don't want you to get hurt again," she whispers.

I want to start crying, but I wanted to look like I at least sort of had my shit together.

"I talked to her today," I don't know if I should have said that.

Lexi just sighs and doesn't say anything. I know she doesn't like me hanging out with Jules.

"She said she was sorry and that she missed me," I croak.

"And what did you say?" Lexi finally spoke.

"That I missed her too." My heart dropped telling Lexi this. "But then I just left; I realized it was a mistake seeing her."

"Rue, I want you to be happy and I want to be close to you again." My heart warms when I hear this. "But I don't know if that can happen if you are still in contact with Jules."

I feel light headed with guilt.

"I don't want you to relapse," she adds.

I want to make her feel better.

"When I'm with you, I feel like I don't need drugs. The world stops and I don't feel like complete shit."

Should I have said that? She's probably weirded out now.

Lexi lifts her head to look at me. There's something about the way she's looking at me that sends a shiver down my spine and makes my hands sweaty.

"Really?" she asks.

I just nod.