i'll feel everything for the both of us ~ damie lovestory

5 years on

au: last time we left of dani and jamie had left bly manor to start their new life together for as much time as possible.

TW - REFERENCE TO SELF HARM

1 day after leaving bly manor -
dani and jamie sat in a cafe of the main road. they were both sipping coffee. jamie slowly began to analyse the map she held in her hand. 'we could try catch a train to vermont if you like?' jamie asked dani. 'might be nice up there ya know we could get their for christmas, you will laugh but part of me has wanted to go ever since i saw white christmas as a kid!' dani produced a weak smile but jamie wasn't satisfied. 'doesn't have to be vermont' she rethought worried at why dani was so quiet. 'no, no it's not that it's just...' dani started hesitantly. 'i get it.' jamie said. 'your worried i am too but you talked me into this so your gonna have to talk me out!' dani giggled and turned to face jamie.'but what if i'm not here for christmas should we really plan this far ahead i mean...' dani stammered 'hey look at me, one day at a time, that's what we have got and that's fine by me okay' jamie pressed her hand against danis face lovingly. dani relaxed at the touch of her and smiled at jamie. 'vermont it is!' she announced with a smile on her face. 'great we'll catch a train up there tomorrow! if we can afford to stay in this bloody b&b another night!' dani laughed at jamie and signalled for the waitress to bring their check. 'oo in a rush i see' jamie teased. dani giggled her eyes meeting jamie's. 'come one' she beckoned. 'i've covered the bill!'

5 years later - dani stood pottering about in their shop, the leafing, it was opening day. as the chime of the little bell rang dani turned around to be greeted by jamie carrying two cups of coffee. 'thought you may need some energy!' dani laughed and took the coffee from jambs hand. 'thank you' she said quickly hugging jamie, quicker than usual. 'you okay dan?' jamie looked worried. dani never pulled away so quick. 'yea, I'm fine its just i don't think we should you know hug like we do in the shop' dani stammered on her words a little, her voices growing quieter. jamie looked shocked. 'what why?' she questioned, baffled by danis response. 'you know people may not be you know accepting that we are' 'we are what?' jamies anger was slowly beginning to build. 'you know' dani edged. 'gay? cause you have never actually openinily said it?' jamie started at dani directly. 'its just I'm not sure i want to be open yet'. jamie was shocked and hurt, she looked at dani, tears brimming. 'fine' she said 'i see how it'. wiping her eyes, jamie beginning putting up the last of the pots on the wall. 'jamie!' dani called out, she hadn't meant to upset her. 'don't worry about it dani okay, help me open' dani sighed, wishing she hadn't of said anything.

the day dragged on slow. they had a few customers. but not many. any other time they just stood in silence. not uttering a word to each other. finally as they were about to close the shop, the bell of the door rang. 'danielle?'. danis heart plummeted at the sound of her mothers voice. 'mum?'. jamie looked over from the back of the shop, stunned. 'oh danielle i have missed you so much, you have barely kept in contact with me over these years and then to hear from my friend that you had opening a shop over hear in the states and didn't tell me!' danis mum judy blurted out her words in fluster and anguish at dani. 'sorry mum things have been, crazy' dani looked over at jamie. 'mum this is... this is jamie'. jamie emerged from the back. 'nice to meet you ms clayton' jamie shook judys hand. 'hello dear, its nice to know that my danielle has been making friends'. jamie smiled as dani looked nervous. 'something of the sort' she responded. 'well anywhere dear how have you been?' judy questioned dani. 'I've been good thanks mum' 'haven't met any boys we like?' judy laughed. dani looked ill and pale, like she wanted to be sick. 'whats up dear you look pale' judy looks curiously at dani. 'mum i have to tell you something' jamie looked over concerned at dani. wondering if she dared say what she was thinking. 'i haven't met a man' judy smiled at her. 'of course dear i was only joking!'. dani shook her head. 'no mum your not getting it, i have met a woman, jamie. she's my girlfriend' judy looked shocked but not angry. 'yes dear i know your friends' 'no mum I'm in love with her, i love her'. judy stood back and gasped. 'your... gay?' she whispered. 'yes mum I'm gay and i love jamie.' judys disbelief turned to anger. 'so you run of all these years with some tramp leaving your mother worried sick and now your telling me your gay?! how could you danielle you could never be normal could you!' tears swam from danis pink cheeks as her mum yelled at her. 'hey stop it can't you see how hard that was for her to tell you?!' jamie stepped in her arm around a sobbing dani. 'you don't get to tell me what to do!' judy turned to dani and spat at her. 'rot in hell!' she shouted as she slammed the door of their shop.

'oh dani' jamie wrapped both her arms around dani and stroked her hair, trying hard to comfort her. dani sobbed uncontrollably as jamie rocked her in her arms. 'baby its okay I'm here, shh'. jamie carried dani upstairs to their flat and lay her on the bed. dani was still silently crying, it broke jamies heart to see her like this. 'babe I'm going to go make you some tea ill be back in a bit' jamie lent over and kissed dani on the forehead. as she left the room jamie looked back on dani. she felt helpless.

dani sat up. she had never felt this sad. she felt alone and sick. she sat up and darted towards the bathroom. she violently vomited over the toilet. the sick stung her raw throat as she cried out in agony. she had never felt this much pain. she wanted it to go away. dani began pulling on her hair and clawing her mouth. she hated how she felt. 'DANI!' jamie rated into the bathroom and grabbed danis hand from her mouth. 'dani stop it your hurting yourself'. 'good, i hate this i hate myself I'm useless and a disappointment!' dani sobbed and sobbed as jamie pinned her arms behind her and hugged her in. 'shh its okay its okay I'm here dani, I've got you, I'm here' jamie rocked dani back and forth, as her own tears swum from her face. after a few minutes dani and calmed down. 'baby don't ever hurt yourself again okay i get its hard and I'm here for you but don't ever hurt yourself' dani nodded and nuzzled herself into jamie. 'I'm sorry your probably covered in my sick' dani whispered meekly. 'its okay, come on lets get you cleaned up'. jamie assisted dani into the shower and helped wash her down and put her in a new pair of pajamas before snuggling her up in the covers. 'I'm just going to wipe down the bathroom, ill be there in a sec' jamie started. 'no... please stay' jamie looked back at the weak dani. 'of course baby'. jamie pulled herself under the covers with dani. luckily she had already cleaned herself so she wasn't sickly smelling. jamie wrapped dani into her arms and sightly kissed her forehead. 'my beautiful girl' jamie said. she felt dani smile and nuzzle in closer. they both slowly fell asleep embraced in each other.

the next morning jamie woke to find dani standing by the window. 'dani are you okay love' she murmured, still half asleep. 'yea i just wanted to get ready for today and start the shop quite early'. jamie wasn't sure that was a good idea. 'you sure poppins?'. dani smiled 'its fine jamie I'm relaxed now i just want to have a normal day, i promise I'm fine, i have you!' jamie smiled at her. 'well come back here before you go pottering of anywhere' dani laughed as she leant over to jamie and began to kiss her. savoring the taste of her love. how lucky she was.

dani wandered about their shop, moving plants around. jamie pushed the door open to the leafling and stepped into be greeted by danis warm smile. jamie smiled back and quickly turned around changing the sign on their shop door to closed. the sun was bright and warm outside, it was a beautiful day. jamie carried a small plant over to dani. she gently placed it on the counter. 'is that a moonflower?' dani asked smiling a little. 'yeah' jamie nodded, avoiding eye contact. 'there really rare you know'. 'I've got a problem' jamie announced. 'or rather we have a problem poppins'. 'oh no' dani smiled but inside she felt sick with dread. 'I'm not sick of you, at all, I'm actually pretty in love with you it turns out.' jamie said shyly. dani smiled at her lovingly and pulled jamie in. she didn't care who saw or what they thought all that matter was that the most important person in the world to her had just confessed her love. their lips met and they embraced for a few seconds then dani, giggling, pulled jamie towards the back of their shop. jamie pushes dani against the storage wall as her hands wandered around her thighs. 'jamie...' dani groaned as she slowly kissed her neck. 'i love you dani'. 'i love you more' dani mumbled back. dani couldn't help her legs twine around jamie as she moaned softly. 'poppins' jamie whispered, giggling into her neck. jamie's hands wandered low down dani. 'i want you' dani mumbled.