Annie Lou Blues

I Choose Rebellion

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 After Cotton had said we were never really a family, I didn't know how to respond so instead I decided to stay quiet. I'm not stupid, I know my family and my life have been falling apart, I'd just rather think of it optimistically, I know that mum is always working and acre was in and out of school, I know everyone had planned to move out of the family house leaving me, mum and acre but I had never imagined that acre would leave, I thought I, at least had his shoulder to cry on if not even mom. I had hit rock bottom. The smile on my face contrasted my actual feelings, "I think my life should be a soliloquy, How meta" I thought to myself with tears rolling down my face. Instead of handling my problems like the mature person I am, I would rather swallow them like an anti-depressant on a coffee-soaked morning and smile. I did what I do best, I'd pretend and it was working. No one knew how I felt and no one tried to understand, that's how I like it. No one else in the family home cared when acre moved out except me and mom. I remember that acre used to call mum, Mrs Annath to make her angry but he wasn't here to make me laugh anymore. I miss acre. Bella had been taking the situation quite well for someone who started it. I had questioned her disability if she is smart enough to cause chaos, why not be smart enough to get a job. This was just my frustration talking, I love and appreciate Bella, sometimes, but with everything going on around me, she's just always there when I'm about to snap, it's like she plans it. I want to go to dads house maybe I need a change of scenery. 

 The day after I decided to go back to dad's house, the house was filled with silence and misery but it was the only familiar feeling I knew, home with the old carpet saying "Nallans castle" and the fragrance of floral perfume which danced with my nostril hairs, I could cry in my room, finally a place to express myself. This would be perfect if I didn't feel so sad. I guess my act had finally been debuted, released and criticised. My pretence was being found out and I had no control over it. My dad never noticed my tears though. I'd hope I would have a rise from the ashes like a phoenix moment or at least a forced glow up but I couldn't even get out of bed. I decided to call on the only person I knew to call on Jesus, Usually, when I call my mom and I'm actually listening and saying ok, she replies with "what a bad attitude you have". If it wasn't for God, I would have jumped off the balcony of some expensive building at my choir events by now. I sat on my bed, I cried for hours and pleaded for my sanity. I asked questions like what is life if I have no one to love. Why would I try if I knew one day I would die. Where am I going after I die I would always joke about the angels saying I asked a lot of questions but this time I felt genuinely drowning in the tears of my own sadness. 

  I came to a decision, a very valuable decision for myself. I decided I wouldn't pretend, I would burst, I'd say what I want to say, when, where and how just- like- cotton. I decided to rebel but most of all I decided to act like cotton, Give her a taste of her own medicine. I would hit five birds with one gigantically large stone. I'm not sure if repaying my moms absence with rudeness would help, this was a dumb idea but I had to try something for it to work and it had to be quick. I would have to get my family together in the weirdest ways. There was only one thing the family would come together for and that is to talk about the so-called favourite of the house. I an aspiring actor would put on my best show, "Annie is Sick Of Tricks" and bring the family together. two out of six times my plans work and ill take those odds.