Not Skinny Enough

Not Skinny Enough: Diary of an Anorexic

September 3 2014:

The first day of school:

After, the cruel bullying last year my mom had decided that i needed a fresh start. I had lost a lot of weight i mean, from 178 pounds to 93 pounds it was a lot of progress for only two months I was determined. I was mostly bullied for my weight, food was my way to get away from all the pain.

Anyways, today was my first day of school, new friends, new teachers and a new environment. I was in 8C to me the best class of eighth grade. I had made A LOT of friends they were so nice and welcoming. My homeroom teachers were great they were super funny and just made school fun, but we all know what teachers are like, nice in the beginning but hopefully it goes well.

September 10 2014:

Today was a good day. We had no school ! but i wasn’t feeling well… i felt like i gained some weight. I tried not eating today but had a giant headache. I have a specific diet… well kind of a diet. I only eat three times a day and exercise everyday for 2 hours. I guess you can call me obsessed with my weight but i’d rather be skinny then fat. I also was starting to feel more insecure because ALL the girls in my class are a bit skinnier than me :( my crush's girlfriend is 90 pounds . I don’t know what I’m going to do maybe I should cut down the eating and do more exercise.

September 30 2014:

My mom and dad had called me down for a family meeting (I was the only child). My dad and mom were asking me weird questions like how school has been ? If i’ve been bullied?... My mom was tired of the questions and just straight up told me that they were concerned, i wondered why. My mom and dad had told me they started seeing a big change in my weight… i mean yeah i changed my diet i’m a bit skinnier but what’s wrong with that ? My mom made me weigh myself, so we walked to the bathroom and i stepped on it, I smiled, looking down to see i reached 86 pounds!. My parents weren’t happy… I don’t know why I mean I lost weight. Which is a good thing … right ?

That night, I overheard my parents talking about hospitalizing me ! I don’t want to be in the hospital… who does ? I didn’t know what to do, What where my friends gonna think ? What will my crush think ? I went to bed but couldn’t sleep I kept asking myself questions. What is going to happen in the hospital ? Will they feed me a lot ? Will i be aloud to exercise?

October 8 2014:

Today my teacher took me out of class and told me that my notes had lowered, and that she sees a change in my weight and concentration. Honestly I didn’t care about my notes, i was mostly worried about my “change in weight” I was wondering if it was my change in my weight as in skinnier or fatter. I mean, i felt like my new diet was working eating twice a day and exercising for 3 hours.

October 10 2014:

Today I woke up in the school’s nursery. The nurse told me that i passed out in gym ! my favourite thing to do at school. The nurse also mentioned that i passed out from dizziness, I don’t know how that happens but i quietly just nodded my head. My parents came to school to pick me up they said we were going to the hospital and that was the only thing they told me. My mom walked me into the hospital I asked if i had an appointment of something but she totally ignored me. We walked into a room where she made me sit as a tall and pale man wearing a white coat walked in. He nicely greeted me. I smiled in confusion he did a bunch of test on me and I didn’t know what to say so the whole time it was quiet. He made my mom step out and talk I couldn’t hear them. My mom grabbed me and we left. The whole car ride home was quiet, my parents had stopped at Burger King , it used to be my favourite fast food place when i was fat. That got me  A LOT of things to eat there i knew that if i fought i wouldn't win so I ate it in discuss. I remembered my friend telling me that she pukes herself every time her parents feed her a lot. I went home and casually walked up to my room. I had a bathroom in my room so I puked myself it felt good that I knew a way to take it out of me.

November 27 2014

My crush broke up with his girlfriend… or should I say EX girlfriend. My friends tried making me talk to him and we did talk but we talked about the teachers… I guess it’s a good start.

March 11 2014

I’m sorry I haven’t written in here for awhile I was hospitalized : My doctor said I was suffering from anorexia. I was 64 pounds which was

life threatening… I also was suffering involving my obsession of my weight. I don’t really want to explain it but yeah. My crush and I got way closer we talk a lot well text a lot …  I’m still in the hospital recovering, but it’s so sweet how he cares about me. I’m proud of myself I 85 pounds I know it’s still under average but it’s better than being anorexic.

June 25 2014

I’m finally out of the hospital it’s been a month but I wanted to write in here when I reached 120 pounds. I’m so proud of myself. We are dating ! me and my “crush”. I didn’t want to write his name just in case someone stole my diary. I can finally say his name .  Zac <3.