I'm super hurt and still dont get why she rejected me. Obviously it's her choice, and I'll respect that and won't bother her anymore, I'm really trying to move on, its really hard.
Maybe I was too naive to think that we didn't needed that "courtship period", I thought that we knew each other well enough, that we trusted each other and knew what to expect from the other, I thought that the whole reason for the courtship is to reach that level of trust, respect and familiarity, but maybe that's not its purpose, i don't know.
I seriously thought that we could be happy together and fitted each other pretty well.
I may have taken my time, maybe a little too much if I'm being honest, we knew each other for too many years and talked everyday all day long, but that's gone.
I came to the conclusion that I really liked her, I'll spare the details because I dont think its fair for either of us to share that, but I was like "ok, I'm sure this is the person who I want to be with the rest of my time"...
I really thought I had a chance, and that whenever I thought "she doesn't like me like that" it was the pessimist part of me talking
I think I dont know why, but I also think that she most likely dont have any idea either of why she would reject me so quickly, without hesitating or giving it a second thought, and that's part of what hurt me.
Am I supposed to just keep going like anything happened? Well yes, but it feels weird not to acknowledge my thoughts on the matter.
I know the theory, I will most certainly find another person, but right now it doesn't seem like that.
Another thinks that bothers me a lot is that I'm wishful thinking that maybe she might change her opinion, but even if she does so, I dont want it, I'm to prideful for that, I dont want to be a second option, a regret, and I really think that despite all my imperfections I deserve someone who is sure about what they want, about wanting me.
I'm just hurt and feel left behind.
It feels like it happened so long ago, but it's been like 5 months, and I cant keep up with that, I'm not depressed, I'm just let down, and it feels weird.
I never treated her like a friend just to get close because I liked her, it just happened naturally.
I have always been kind of proud because I think I'm good with noticing how people feel and at understanding them, but now I have no idea.
It's all just so weird that I dont know what to do, specially since I'm trying to be as mature as I can about all of this, specially since i know there's no point in creating drama, or usefulness in writing about this.
This is just a stream of conciousness from a very confused guy who have no experience in this kind of things and never before experienced this kind of feelings
