The End of It

when the beginning is also the end

"Halley! Halley, can you hear me?"

The lights are blinding me and the smell of blood, medicine and rubber pushes into my nose as someone tries to open my eyelids, flashing the lights directly to my retina. I can feel the sting.

"She' back!" A stranger yelled to someone else. I can hear a lot of buzz, and beeping. "We lost you for a minute." A female in a white coat taps my chest before wrapping around her stethoscope on her neck. I can see her fortunate smile with my eyes half-open. She then squeezes my hand before leaving me. A squeeze of relief for her, assurance for me.

I am in a hospital, again.

I keep my eyes closed while grabbing onto the oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. The thin tubes touching my arms and a cold sensation as I realized they ripped my gym shirt open. Happens all the time, they just don't really buy me new ones in exchange. Quite necessary and nothing more important than my life.

I stare at the blue curtain swung around my bed. As I lay down, I ponder who would be here first.

My mother who works around the clock... My father who's probably making out with her new slut... My gym coach who probably brought me here because he's the last person I've seen before I ran out of oxygen and almost died. Maybe Isabella, my cousin who's a nurse down at the San Francisco Medical Center and the one on my emergency contact... and maybe my sister who is currently studying in Japan, she might come virtually. I'll never know because I don't even have my phone with me.

I traveled all the way to this city unplanned. I remember having a meltdown the other night about something I couldn't remember... it's either how broken my family is, how messed up my career is because I recently got fired or something else, I couldn't figure out.

Finding out my gym coach was out on a business conference; I flew all the way here to meet him just to exhaust myself and cause them so much trouble.

Paper rustling, birds chirping. There's a different sound and smell when I woke up. Still on the same hospital bed but this time in a different room. Yey, I got my own personal abode.

It's been years since a severe asthma attack got me. I also have been on a series of respiratory and cardio problems since I was a child. Going in and out of the hospital is not new to me but still an uncomfortable situation to be in. I finished my college without getting admitted into one of these.

I remove the oxygen mask from my face and take a look around. There's a yellow humidifier near the bed and two potted plants on each sides of the window. I suppose I smell citrus, so strong I can smell it with mask on.

My bag is on the foot side of my bed so I reach for it using my toes. Pulling it also pulls the sheet so I have no choice. I use my strength to get up and made it despite the usual heaviness I feel from being easily bedsore.

"Ms. Martin." Another unknown female's voice and slow footsteps going inside the room, towards my bed. I focus on my phone thinking it's just a random nurse checking in on me until I hear a somewhat, familiar voice. How could I forget?

"Halley, how are you feeling?" Wow, first name basis. I am not surprised because I would be so disappointed if this person addresses me as a patient when we knew each other very, very well.

Someone who couldn't handle me when world has come crushing me. I've always thought he's a coward and weak guy for giving up, but guess who made it on the medical field!

"Doctor." I greet him back. Not answering his question and avoiding his face, fixing in my focus on my phone. There's a couple of missed calls from my parents, a lot from my sister because he's the only overseas contact here, text messages from Coach Greg and one long, emotional message from Isabella.

As the nurse recites her notes and Isaac evaluates my chart, I keep my eyes on my phone and like an idiot, I browse on some funny videos on YouTube.