Teenage Dirtbag//Eren x Fem!Reader

Chapter 10 - Conflicted

A/n: Thank you so much for 3k reads! And thank you to those who have been voting and commenting as well! It helps out a lot! I've been trying to update as fast as I can bring myself so sorry for the delay! Enjoy!

Tw! Panic Attack and Anxiety
POV: Y/n

"Y/n. We need to talk"

As I heard those words come out of the blonde boys mouth, my body froze up. My breathing hitched and I could only hope that my panic was not too visible to the three that sat before me.

The sun sank lower and lower behind the mountains nearby, casting long shadows across the training grounds. In the short distance away where the cabins were, I could see lights flickering to life, a dull glow badly lightly the way back.

"Y/n, sit down", Annie Instructed me as she gestured at the empty space next to Bertholt across from her. I silently complied, walking around the fire and carefully sitting down next to the tall brown haired boy. I kept my gaze to the ground not daring to look up at the three who were no doubtably watching my every move.

I hadn't spoken with them in days, I had even been avoiding Annie in the girls cabins. Getting up earlier in the mornings and getting back later at night. They were probably suspicious of me and I couldn't blame them.

"Where have you been?", I didn't need to look up to know that Reiner had directed that question at me.

My palms were beginning to sweat and my chest was beginning to tighten; it was like a Titan hand had grabbed me, crushing me until my ribs snapped and I could no longer breathe. My breathing was becoming short and fast, trying to keep it under control without being noticed was incredibly difficult. They couldn't notice how I was feeling, it would automatically paint me as guilty even though I had done nothing wrong. Why was I so afraid?
I hadn't done anything wrong. I-

The world started spinning around me as  black dots spotted my vision. Was I gonna pass out? Your pathetic Y/n...

"Y/n?", I jumped when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, it felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been tipped over my head, suddenly yanking me back to reality.

I looked up to the side of me to see who it was, my face remained in my hands as I peered over them to see a blurry Bertholt. Blurry? Was I crying? I rapidly Blinked the tears away to clear my vision, and realised Bertholt's features were filled with concerned. My eyes flicked to the other two Marlyeans, they seemed concerned too, though Annie's was less noticeable. Embarrassed I wiped the tears from my red, tear stained face and hid in my hands again. Damn it, now there was no way they didn't notice.

"Y/n", Reiner tried again a lot more gentler. " We're concerned, why have you been avoiding us?"

I remained silent for a few minutes as I recomposed myself. I was regretting ever coming here to confront them but it had to been done eventually; now that my panic was over I felt more empty and calm than I had before now that I had let my emotions out. I took my time as I mulled over the right answer to their question before answering with my face still hidden by my hands.

"I was making connections, I'm sorry. I started avoiding you because I thought you would disapprove", I mumbled through my hands, I didn't know how clearly they had heard me but there was a silence after I had finished my sentence. My answer wasn't entirely true but it was what Reiner wanted to hear. Bertholt and Annie on the other hand might take some more convincing I thought as I anxiously peered up from behind my hands letting my (H/c) hair fall in front of my eyes.

"I understand", Reiner slowly responded with a nod of his head before he continued "Next time tell us what you're doing. We were worried."

I nodded and came out from behind my hands to see the three marlyeans watching me with wary eyes. They were regarding me carefully but none of them said anything, it was times like this when I wished I could know what they were thinking. The meeting continued.

"Annie did you find anything out in the Underground?", Bertholt suddenly asked the girl opposite from him.

Annie sighed and started mumbling about finding some old guy that was on to her, she said he most likely worked closely with the King of the Walls so she'd pretended she was looking for her lost father. She then explained how the old man knew she was lying but played along with her lie and she ended up wasting her time and leaving with no useful information.

Reiner started snickering and making some jokes about Annie and her ' lost father 'and was rewarded by a painful kick to his shin. Reiner hissed and grabbed his leg as he fell to the floor glaring at the blonde girl standing over him.

I weakly smiled at the familiarity of the situation and watched the two with amusement where as Bertholt looked as horrified as ever as they continued to beat each other up.

The sun had fully set by now, and had been for a while. The moon was high and the sky glittered with hundreds of twinkling stars. I looked up to admire the beauty of the contrasting dark and light, I had always found the sky mesmerising. The skies of Paradise Island were the prettiest, though I couldn't remember where else I had seen to compare them.

"It getting late we should head back", Annie abruptly said interrupting my star gazing as she finished kicking Reiner. I got up to leave with Annie, giving Bertholt a sympathetic look knowing he now had to deal with the crumpled Reiner that was groaning on the floor. I wished him good luck and fell into step with Annie who was already walking away from us.

We walked to the girls cabin in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence but it felt empty. Before I knew it we had reached the cabin and Annie had already crossed the porch; she was waiting by the door holding it open for me. I hurriedly crossed the porch after her, stopping at the open door she held open for me. Annie glanced at me from over her shoulder with an unreadable expression, then she let go of the door for me to walk in.

We silently crossed the cabin to our bunks and we went to bed without another word. I was about to drift off to the land of dreams when an unwanted thought crossed my mind. My eyes flew wide open and I sat up throwing the sheets off myself in the process as I remembered the promise I had made to an annoying brunette. SHIT.

I had a few hours until dawn when I had told Eren to meet my by the equipment shed. A few hours of sleep was not worth it especially when I had trouble falling asleep in the first place so I pulled my boots back on and threw my jacket over my shoulder. I silently creeped to the door but immediately froze when I heard the shuffling behind me.

"Going to see your boyfriend", the voice was hoarse from sleep but still managed to drip with sarcasm. It was definitely Ymir.

I quietly spun around to scowl at the girl as she regarded me with one eye still closed before she smirked and rolled over to face the wall. The room returned to silence again with the exception of the sound of soft breathing from the many sleeping girls in the cabin. I quietly turned back towards the door and slowly pulled it open wincing as it creaked slightly before tip-toeing out and across the porch before sprinting off in the direction of the equipment shed.

It was starting to get light already by the time I had reached the shed, broke it open and got our gear ready. I was pulling on my harness when I heard footsteps come from close behind, I hadn't noticed them earlier. My 'fight or flight' activated as I spun round quickly to hit whoever was trying to sneak up on me. My fist was caught immediately as I looked into the green orbs of the surprised boy I was meant to be meeting. The surprise soon wore off though as he dropped my fist and walked past me to start strapping his own gear on.

"Good morning to you too Y/n", the tired boy muttered sarcastically as he struggled with his straps. I didn't bother helping him. Instead I rolled  my eyes at him and trudged off towards the OMDG practice equipment, not bothering to stop to see if he had followed.

What possessed me to agree to this?

I muttered a string of curse words to no one in particular as I hooked myself to the practice equipment, handling the equipment more roughly than necessary. The footsteps returned as Eren came up from behind me and looked at me expectantly for some instructions... The moron hadn't even hooked up his equipment.

This was going to be a long morning.