BELOVED 2 [h.s.]

Chapter 57.

Author's note: so this week the numbers of readers didn't grow up but the votes did a loooot so thank you all! This chapter is a little sad but you'll get over it haha x
Enjoy and please vote babies .x
The songs for this chapter are chosen by you.

43 days without Harry.

I open my door, when I see Snugs' toys in front of the my feet I pick them up and feel my hand tacky, I see blood and I feel goose bumps all over my body immediately.
"Snuggles?" I call him, when I don't hear movement into the kitchen where he always is I run into it and check everywhere for my cat.
I look under the fridge, microwave and shelves but he isn't here. I run to the bathroom and find nothing but my makeup case on the floor. My bedroom is empty too, I open the other door where I have my stuff and find blood on the floor.
"Oh, my God," I follow the red line and find my bled cat over a shoe. "Oh, my God!" I scream and kneel crying.
I take out my phone and call Harry, he is the only one I can call if it's about Snuggles because it's our cat.
He doesn't answer so I call Miranda, instead, he must be so busy being famous...
"You need to help me, my cat is bleeding," I sob.
"Is he female?"
"No, is not a freaking period... he is dead, my cat is dead!" I scream.
"Wait for me... honey, leave that place so it isn't harder for you..."
"Run please," I beg and she hangs up.
I get closer to the body not worrying if I ruin my pants with blood and carry him in my hands.
I feel his chest moving up and down, not like they should but they are at least showing he is partly alive. I leave him slowly on the floor and run to take wet wipes to clean him and find where the blood comes from.
When I get to the room, he is bleeding from his mouth and his chest isn't moving anymore.
I killed him.
My phone rings and Carter is calling but I'm not answering, first off my hands have blood and he can't help me in this because he hates animals... I just want Harry to help me, I know Miranda is coming but I want to talk to him about our pet.
I clean my hands instead and take my phone, trying to call Harry again and again but nothing! Then I remember that when its 12m here it's 6am there and he probably is sleeping.
I walk where Harry's shoe is, where Snuggles died and look if something he ate is inside of something that hurt him until death is in there but I find nothing.
I'm so desperate that I text Harry, he was online six hours ago and I'm losing my hopes even more now.
I check into the opened drawer and find more of Harry's clothes but there's no blood, I see his sweater there and put it on over my tank top.
It smells like him, I cry harder now knowing our cat and our relationship are both dead and I'm gone with them too.
I hear Miranda talking with someone outside and I open my door, she brought Mayer with her.
"He knows a lot about cats," Miranda points him.
"Thanks for coming," I smile and guide them to the room.
Miranda gives a step back when she sees Snuggles and I give one too while Mayer kneels down and touches his throat, stomach and tail.
"He is obviously dead and so thin, how old is he?"
"One year old," I speak.
"We need an autopsy then,"
"For animals?" I frown.
"Yes," he nods, "I need a towel or a blanket..."
"Sure," I run and pick up his blanket and hand it to Mayer, he wraps it around Snuggles body and I drive to the vet.
"Wasn't it Harry's cat too? You should let him know," Miranda asks.
"Yeah but he didn't answer, I can't blame him because he had a concert yesterday and after them they all watch a movie and talk about things that happened on stage so they end up going to bed like 2am, it's 6am there," I speak.
"You know a lot about him," Mayer comments.
"We dated for almost a year," I am crying and driving, I don't even know how I am doing this when my eyes are filled with tears and I don't have windshields in them.
"I know you loved your cat and all but just think that it gathered you to Harry and now that he is gone there's nothing in the middle of you to bond your souls," Miranda says.
I just nod knowing that's true, I don't want it to be true but it is so there's nothing else I can do.
We get to the vet and say it's an urgency so we walk into the veterinary's office with the body.
"He's dead already," I speak.
"Let me check him," she takes him and cleans the body with wet wipes like I was going to do and examines him while we just look at what she is doing.
"Your cat is so thin, was he eating properly?"
"He ate but not as much as before, he was a furry cat so I couldn't touch him lately,"
"Depression and grief weaken the immune system and the body's defences. This is true for both cats and people. Sometimes depression can cause physical problems to become more severe because the energy to fight disease just isn't there anymore."
"Did you leave him alone for so long? Was there another cat he liked playing with and he's gone?"
"I just left him for six hours, he didn't interact with other cats..."
"Cats miss humans too Ms. Williams, was there another person who take care of him when you couldn't?"
"My ex's sister," I explain, "but she just went and fed him or check him in for some hours,"
"Maybe your cat started missing your ex,"
"You think?" I ask, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Just as you do," she says smiling.
"Excuse me?"
"You both miss the same person,"
I wipe my tears and don't answer anything else.
"It's obvious he died because of a disease but we need to know which one so we will make an autopsy and call you in three or four hours,"
"Okay," I nod, "thank you," I smile weakly.
We walk out catless and I don't speak a word until I get to my car and start crying, I know it's my fault Snuggles died because I didn't pay him the attention a pet or a baby needs during these months.
Furthermore, knowing this I know I won't be a good mother, I'll care more about myself than my babies and that's not okay.
"Do you want me to drive?" Mayer asks.
"Please," I nod.
I climb in the back of the car so I can cry without them looking at me. My phone beeps with a text message and I smile at my phone when I read Harry's name.
*hi x*
He answers, now that I just texted him a simple "hi?" The good part is that there's an "x" which means he isn't that mad with me after there's all over the news we broke up and I'm already dating another guy (Carter) which is half true and half a big fat lie.
I don't bother myself typing him a silly reply but I just call him, I'm still sobbing so when he answers his phone he opens his mouth first to talk.
"He's dead, Snuggles is dead Harry," I speak and both Mayer and Miranda turn around judging me with their gazes for calling him.
He doesn't say anything, I hear someone whispering something and a strange noise deafens me.
"How?" I hear Gemma's voice instead of Harry's, "I'm Gemma... Harry is busy right now,"
So he texted me and then when I called him he gave his phone to his sister so I talk to her because he doesn't want to talk to me...
I can't believe how immature he is, we haven't talked for so long and it's obvious that if I call him it's because something happened but obviously this shows he doesn't care at all. I feel like hanging up but it'll be so rude, I really like Gemma even though she seems so harsh with me since last time we met.
Maybe she's angry because I told Harry it was better if we stopped talking to each other? I know that what I said was childish and stupid, that I'm hurting myself with what I did but let's be honest. After we broke up and we still talked to each other we could be friends? No.
That's why I did it, I can't be friends with the love of my life and I need to forget about him. He is clearly sick of me and that's why he needed time I guess, I know I cheated but I know that's not the real reason why he decided to split up this.
"Snugs didn't eat pretty well lately, he was so fury with everyone and today when I got home he was dead inside a shoe," I explain, I'm still crying not just because of its death but because it's shocking to see someone dying, I hadn't even seen a fish in that state.
"Are you okay? What happened?" I hear Harry's voice finally.
Something fills me in, I feel like crying harder because I miss him so much. I miss how he helped me with homework, I miss sleeping with him, I miss having breakfast with him or literally doing nothing beside him.
I miss every single part of him, I miss everything about us.
"Snugs died," I repeat.
He sighs, I don't hear his voice for some seconds and then a car starting.
"Are you home?" He asks.
"Going there, Snugs is already in the vet. They're making him an autopsy, he's already completely dead," I sob.
"Babe, take it slow because you're so altered... animals get sick like people get sick, alright?" He speaks but he's making me cry harder, I wish I had him here to hug him so tight and feel strength.
I nod and when I remember the can't see my I mumble.
"I am in London right now, I'll come by soon... please stay home Linda,"
He knows me so good, he knows that when I'm shocked I run away and make something I don't want to do or I just lose myself drinking like an alcoholic.
"I will," I answer.
"Okay... prepare tea and drink it completely without breathing so you see how you stop sobbing quicker,"
"I will,"
He hangs up, I know it's because of the traffic light because I hear cars starting and people shouting others to drive faster. I put my phone into my lap, I see Mayer and Miranda's gaze through the mirror so I just smile and of course blush.
"How did he take it?" Miranda asks.
"I don't even know," I shake my head, of course he was concerned but he never spent that amount of time with Snugs to say he'd care so much about him.
When he was with the kitty he played with him and petted him but his voice wasn't sad at all, maybe a little tired or busy?
"He said he was coming to my flat soon... I don't even know when but he said soon. Could you guys go home with me? I can't be all alone with him," I ask nervous.
"Sure," Mayer smiles still driving.
"I need to go to work Lin, I'm so sorry," Miranda looks at me.
"It's okay... it will be Mayer and I," I smirk weakly.
I'm so sad that Snuggles is dead, he was my one and only company and I really loved him a lot but I'm not feeling anxious because of the loss but because of Harry and just like what happened with Kaylee I feel selfish just thinking in myself and not others, not even on a poor soft dead kitty who made me happier these months.
We get to my place and Miranda leaves the car outside the parking lot, Mayer parks my car and we both walk out.
...
"So you guys started living together after some days of dating?" Mayer asks.
"Yeah," I nod laughing, "it really sounds weird... I was going to stay two days at his house and somehow I ended up living there. It wasn't awkward at all, it didn't rush things either,"
We've been talking about Harry and I and his boyfriend and him for three hours, waiting him to come by soon but he hasn't even called or messaged me.
"I've lived with my boyfriend for one year but we've dated two years and I thought it was so rushy," he laughs. "Does a pet really gathers you even more into the relationship? We've had lots of problems, I love him and I don't want to lose him anytime soon,"
"You should buy a dog, they are better for you guys. You can wash him together or-,"
And finally the one we've waited for knocks the door. I leave my tea on the table and Mayer laughs when I try to stand up but my legs tremble.
"You can do it darling," he winks and I nod, standing up once again.
I check myself on the reflection of the mirror and there's no way to hide my pallor or the bags beneath my eyes.
I open the door and Paige is right in front of me. I frown and try to close the door but she stops me.
"Linda we need to talk,"
"We don't need and we won't... why are you here? Weren't you going back to America to stop messing around with everyone here in United Kingdom?"
"I'll be here for a week," she explains, her voice is different. She doesn't sound like the confident harmful Paige but a new one.
"I just wanted to apologise," she adds
"You finally realised you're a bitch." I frown, of course she's joking.
"Don't make this harder for me!" She almost screams but lowers her voice. "I... I came to literally apologise," she stammers.
"Sorry for bringing you problems and breaking you guys apart," with her voice it sounds obvious she feels so obliged to do this it that maybe is the first time she apologises in her life.
"I forgive you," and is the first time I forgive this easy, "we didn't break up actually because of you but for our own problems, so you didn't actually tear us apart. Maybe you kind of helped us, we weren't working that good and the best for us both is to be away from each other so we don't get hurt anymore,"
"Your eyes are red, you have bags and you're obviously crying every night before going to bed. So now that you are not together... are you sure you're not hurt?"
"For the first time in your life you're annoying because you're right," I laugh.
"If there's something I can do for you just let me know, I really changed Linda,"
She hugs me tight, it's the first time in my life I'm hugging Paige Reifler and it's the oddest thing I've done so far, I feel real her hug and I'm so glad she's changed.
"Bye," she smiles and walks to the elevator.
"Can I ask you what did you change your mind about your behaviour?" I enquire.
"I just wanted someone to love me the way Harry loves you, that's why I wanted him to love me. I discovered someone who loves me for me after kissing lots of frogs, and I'm so happy with him that I can't imagine my life without him. I felt bad ruining your happiness because I know you both feel like we feel right now."
"I'm so glad you found love," I smile, I'm really so happy for her and I'm sorry she isn't my neighbour anymore.
"I hope you get back yours soon, bye." She climbs into the elevator and leaves the level.
I frown, I can't believe what just happened. We started having problems because of her but actually there weren't caused by her but for Harry's lies, for my lack of confidence or probably because in a certain period of time I was so sure Harry loved me so much that anything was happening.
I made a mistake and kissed his enemy, I am friends with his enemy and that's a mistake too but Carter is such a good friend, Harry should forgive him too because he obviously changed just like Paige.
There's only one reason they hate each other now, me.
I'm about to close the door when the elevator opens and my phone -which is in my hand- buzzes.
First I check my phone and the vet is calling, then I look at the elevator and Harry is right inside that moving box.The coat, the scarf, his freaking hair that's grown so much, that white shirt and black skinny jeans are standing with a man wearing fancy black ankle boots right in front of me.
I look up at his eyes and realise he's been looking at me the whole time I checked him out. I blush while he walks towards me, he kisses my cheek so slow that I literally feel I'm having an orgasm.
I miss him so much...
"Hi Linda," I hear his voice.
"Hey," I mumble. "Come in," I move my frozen of a body aside and let him in.
First he looks at Mayer and frowns, of course they don't know each other.
"I'm Ryan Mayer but everyone calls me Mayer, a pleasure," Mayer shakes Harry's hand.
"I'm Harry Styles, everyone calls me Harry," he smiles gently but I know he doesn't like him that much, what he doesn't know is that he is gay.
"I know who you are!" He screams... there's when you know it. "Sorry, I tried not to scream but I love you so much,"
Harry laughs and shakes his hand again, like if the weights on his shoulders where gone now.
"Thank you so much," he nods.
...
I would loved have talked to Harry more but Mayer just won't shut up and I don't want to be rude but... I miss him so much and at least I want him to look me in the eyes and don't even say a word or probably say something, but just to me.
It's been two hours, and we've been here in the veterinary without Snugs autopsy.
I am playing that old Temple Run game on my phone while they talk and talk about music. I've tried to join the conversation but Mayer ends up finishing my sentences...
"Ms. Williams," the nurse finally calls. "You can come in for the results,"
I nod and stand up, before I can begin walking Harry takes my arm and walks beside me to the office not letting my elbow.
"These are the results, you can read them while we bring your cat," she explains.
I open them and take the paper, placing it on the middle of us so we both can read it.
Diabetes, due to depression the body defences stopped working as they should what caused a bigger disease.
Depression is caused by a loss, (another animal or owner) lack of attention or for abandoning the animal.
My eyes fill with tears, it's my fault he is dead because when he tried to get closer to me I pushed him away so I could study in peace. I fed him but I didn't make him eat when he didn't, I am going to be the worst mother of all.
Harry wraps my shoulders with his arm and caresses me, moving his hand up and down while I cry harder.
"It was better if he didn't suffer anymore,"
"He suffered for almost two months because I didn't give him what he needed,"
"It's not your fault. You can't give diabetes,"
"But I can give love and I didn't give him..." I wipe my tears and put the paper inside the folder.
"Is my fault too, he was our cat and I didn't even care about him. I'm sorry you're suffering more than I am,"
I just nod and watch the nurse coming to us with a pet's case, I know he is inside and I'm about to throw up. I can't get how the parts of my lovely cat are inside, how the sheet that's covering him is covered with blood and he suffered all of this because of depression. Having a pet is a big responsibility and we weren't responsible at all... I feel like if I had killed him with my own hands.
"You can take him or we can burn him and you bury him," the vet speaks like if it was a piece of broken glass what we are talking about.
This isn't the one who attended me before.
"Burn him please,"
"I'll bring you the ashes in some minutes," she answers and I want to slap her.
"We should go and take a sit," he guides me back to our seats.
Mayer remains silent once he sees me crying and hugs me instead of Harry, I know Harry was going to hug me but now that Mayer is petting me he won't touch me.
I'm so angry with the world right now that I could literally get so drunk and still feel like if I hadn't even tasted alcohol. Mayer is a good friend and if I asked him to stay because I was so scared of being uncomfortable with Harry and he is trying so hard to help me feeling comfortable I can't be such a bitch so I hug him back.
I rest my head on Mayer's shoulder and look at Harry, I know he feels he should be doing something but he isn't so he just takes out his phone and replies to messages his mom texted him.
Harry goes to take the ashes, he comes back with something that looks like a Pringles pack and doesn't hand it to me but tells something to Mayer with his eyes and we walk to Harry's car.
"Can you leave me at work? Is so close to Linda's house," Mayer asks.
I am in the back seats, I haven't talked to my mother for so long because she's been so busy remodelling her spa and she promised she's visiting me soon, the day I told her Harry and I had broken up she was with Anne and she already knew, Anne had told her and they both were so shocked.
She is so nice to me after Harry is gone, she texts me everyday and I reply but we haven't phoned each other.
So I reply her today's message telling her about Snuggles' dead.
Harry leaves Mayer at the bar, when Mayer climbed off I wait Harry to speak but he doesn't.