Dark Days (BillxDipper)

LXIV

AN: Full credit to the artist~~

     "Bill? Is something wrong?" I ask him, confused, and slightly hurt. He shakes his head, face in his hands. "I can't Pine Tree..." He says, sounding angry and just as confused as me. "Can't what? Bill... Talk to me..." I say and hop off the table, walking towards him slowly, unsure. He turns away from me and locks his hands on the counter, hanging his head. His shoulders are tense and he shakes lightly. "Does this have to do with you avoiding me lately?" I ask, stopping behind him. He goes even more tense. "No...Yes? I don't know, maybe... Probably" He growls under his breath, groaning. 

     ".... Why have you been avoiding me?" I whisper. I feel my heart beat slowing back to a normal pace, but it hurts a little, aching almost. "Because I..." He starts but shakes his head and goes silent. I find that I grow a little angry at this. I reach out and grab his shoulder, spinning him around to face me. His eyes flash in surprise for a moment before he looks away from me and grips the counter behind him tightly. "Bill." I growl at him. Mabel calls it my 'mom voice'. He clenches his jaw and glares at the floor. 

     "It sounds stupid out loud" He says angrily. I feel my brows furrow and a twinge of annoyance hits me. I huff out at him, making my annoyance obvious as I cross my arms over my chest. "You've been avoiding me... You sleep with me, but leave before I get up like you can't bear to be near me, but I know you wrap around me in your sleep! You leave for hours on end every day and barely speak to me. You never touch me unless we're doing a healing session, but even then it's practically nonexistent. You can't seem to even look at me most of the time! I'm sick of it! You could at least give me a reason Bill. Jesus Christ, I don't know that I can take much more... Is it something I did?" I shout at him, anger boiling in my chest. Finally he looks at me, with wide eyes and a frown. He looked sad and... ashamed... 

     "And I don't need your fucking pity either. Just tell me what's going on. If I did something wrong, or..." I scrub my hands over my face and sigh in exasperation. 

     "You didn't do anything wrong Pine Tree" He whispers. I glare at him, "Then what is this?" I say, trying to control my turbulent emotions. He sighs and looks away from me again. I'm about to snap at him again for looking away from me once more, but finally he says something that I wasn't expecting. "I'm afraid to touch you... Because I don't want to hurt you" He says. I am stunned, completely dumbfounded that I can't help but let out a laugh, but not because it's funny. He frowns at me, glaring lightly and I shake my head at him. "What?" I say, unbelieving.

     His grip on the counter tightens angrily. "I avoid you because all I want to do is touch you. I can't seem to control myself, but I'm worried that you aren't healed enough for anything like that, but that's all I can think about doing. I'm trying to restrain myself from taking you over and over again. I can't stop thinking about touching you... But then my mind is invaded by thoughts of what happened and I don't know if you're ready for me to do anything or if you even want it..."

     "So badly I want to eradicate every single thing that happened to you. I've been in your mind countless times Pine Tree, I know what a mess it is right now and you don't need me trying to fuck you at every moment of the day. So yes ....I've been avoiding you... because I don't know how else to control myself, my anger and my desire for you... I don't know how to deal with my thoughts and emotions... There's so much going through my mind every time I look at you... I don't know how to be human..." His voice shakes and I can hear the frustration in the way he speaks. 

     I don't even know how to process everything he said. I remain quiet for a while before I finally speak. "Don't you think if I wanted to be alone I'd have said so? I told you once before, but I'll say it again... I was alone long enough when I was stolen. I don't like to be alone anymore. You restraining yourself is hard, not just for you, but for me too. You do realize it affects us both, right? And apparently it's not in a good way for either of us" I say, letting a little edge in my voice. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, turning his face away from me again. 

     "I don't want to hurt you Pine Tree..." He sighs. I glare and storm towards him. I grab the fabric at his waist tugging him harshly towards me and sink my teeth into the skin of his collar bone. He lets out a shriek mixed with a moan, tensing and shivering against me as I suck on his skin for a moment before pulling back and glaring at him. He stares wide-eyed at me, mouth agape. "The fuck was that about?!" He growls.

     "Then stop it!!!... Touching me isn't what will hurt me Bill! What you've been doing... avoiding me, already has" I say, holding his eyes with a level stare. His breath is shaking and his eyes are wide. "If you don't want to touch me then say so, but you don't need to worry about hurting me in that way. I'd tell you if I couldn't handle it. You think I'd let you touch me like you were before if I wasn't ready?" I growl at him, irate. I slap his shoulder lightly, still glaring at him. 

     "Didn't you hear what I just said Pine Tree?" He scowls at me, returning my glare. I feel my jaw start to clench again, actually getting angry this time. I start to say something else to him but he cuts me off before I can even start. "I want nothing more than to touch you" He says as his hands grip my waist and his lips fall on mine again and suddenly I feel my anger melt away. My body warms as his hands slide up my back. I doubt he'd ever say it, but I can feel his apology. I don't think he realized just how much it hurt that he kept his distance from me the way he did. His touch is more healing than the magic he gives, and I hope he finally understands that.