Dark Days (BillxDipper)

XIV

AN: Full credit to the artist~~

     When I had walked into the bathroom to shower I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror. I had grown thin from lack of eating, my thick brown hair was greasy and gnarled, sticking out in random directions, my eyes had grown so incredibly dull they were matte and dark, the bags under my eyes looked like black bruises and my cheeks were a bit hollow, my skin pasty and pale, my lips dried and chapped, my face covered in short scruff. My body had grown thin and weak, I hadn't gone jogging with Mabel in weeks and I had barely any strength to walk or hold myself up in the shower, so I didn't. I sat in the tub and let the water run over me as I leaned against the wall and washed my hair twice and the rest of my body with fatigue. The water actually did wonders for me, I felt like a sponge, my skin absorbing the water and when the water had turned cold I sat and let it run into my mouth and drank greedily, not caring if it seemed gross to drink my shower water. I almost didn't want to get out, but the water was starting to get freezing and my skin started going numb. I don't know how long I had sat in the shower but I knew it was time to get out, and I could always shower again later if I wanted to when the hot water came back. 

     Weakly I pulled myself out of the tub and dried off. I looked in the mirror and saw that I didn't look as dried out and pale as when I first entered the bathroom, my eyes had a little bit of light back in them and slight color to my cheeks, my lips weren't near as chapped and rough, but my hair had grown long and I needed to shave. Luckily Grunkle Stan kept grooming supplies in almost every bathroom in the Shack. I took some scissors to my hair and started chopping, I had cut my hair multiple times before but my arms were heavy from fatigue and, I'm assuming slight starvation as well, and it was slightly uneven but it wouldn't be too bad when I dried it. I shaved my face and neck cleanly, surprised and proud of myself that I didn't cut myself even once.

     There was a time when I was younger that I'd have done anything to grow facial hair, but by the time I was able to actually do it, I just didn't like it much, it made me look way older than I was and not really in a good way. I just don't have the face for it. My jaw had squared nicely over the years and I really had grown into my face and body, but the last few months have really taken a toll and I knew I needed to pull myself out of this soon, for I worried what might become of me if I didn't.....

      I had thrown on some old jeans that used to be too small but now hugged me nicely since my weight loss, and a white t shirt with a red flannel on top, then rolled the sleeves up to my elbows, dried my hair, brushed my teeth and left the bathroom. When I headed downstairs Mabel was in the kitchen setting food onto plates. When she heard me enter she whipped around on her heels and gave me a small smile when she saw me. "You look better" She said, a bit of relief in her voice and face and I felt a tiny twinge of pride at myself for being able to still make her smile. " I feel better" I said, and I was surprised to realize it was true. I didn't feel the best, but I did feel better. The air down here wasn't nearly as stuffy and I could breathe, there was actual light and the sun had lowered a bit in the sky, almost sunset but not quite. "I hope I didn't take too long" I said, shyly. She shook her head firmly "I don't mind at all, I'm just happy to see you" She said happily. I realized I had a small smile on my face at that.  She smiled wider at my own. I knew she was worried about me and I hated that she was, because honestly I was worried too. 

     Mabel had made me some dinner, not a whole lot since I hadn't eaten properly in a while and too much would make me sick but I always loved Mabel's cooking, and it smelled fantastic. It was the perfect amount and I felt like I had a little more energy. Bill, i'm certain you can hear me, please leave me alone, just for tonight, let me be with my sister. I thought to myself and felt the ever present eyes on the back of my head. I rarely ever got a response so I wasn't surprised in the slightest when I got none this time either, but I was hopeful either way, practically begging for just one night of serenity and happiness before what little of my world and mind crumbled to pieces. By the time we finished eating Mabel had put on a happy smile as the doorbell rang and Candy and Grenda burst through the door. "Are you ready to party girl?" Candy said in her heavy accent and I smiled. "Yeah! Party!"Grenda's deep voice reverberated in my ears but I enjoyed the sound regardless. "Yes I'm so excited! Dipper you ready?" She turned with a bright hopeful smile, and I just smiled and followed them out the door.