Limited Days ｜Sweet Home Fanfiction

～1

To say the exact moment when my life turned to shit, now that's a hard one. Actually wait, no it's not. I remember now. Yes. It was in the 4th grade. A Thursday. The day Kim Jiseok went around telling everyone that I kissed him behind the classrooms. I hated him for that. In fact I hated everyone at my school. And I know it may seem silly now, but back then it infuriated me. No, scratch that, it still infuriates me. I hated that everyone took his word over mine. That they wouldn't even listen to what I had to say, and automatically believed Jiseok even though he was known for being a liar. I hated that they called him my boyfriend when he most definitely was not. I hated that even though I reported it to the teachers they did nothing about it. I hated that when I told my parents they told me to suck it up. I hated that school. I hated my parents. But even so, I hated my life more.

Why do I kept doing this to myself? Why, why, why? I check the time on my watch- 01:41. This is third time this week I stay up late to study. It's always the same routine: head over to the library and study there for a few hours, then when it closes make my way to the coffee shop to revise a bit more even though 'a bit more' always turns into another 4 hours of studying and then get home at two or three the next morning. I don't even know why I study so hard, it's not like I enjoy college. In fact, the whole education system is so flawed it makes me want to throw up every time I think about it. You go to school for 18 years just to get a piece of paper, that in reality probably means nothing, spend another 4 years getting an education that'll mean many sleepless nights, being in a constant state of anxiety and stress where you will push your needs away because apparently "education comes first", end up getting a job that you will most likely hate, work for 8 hours a day, five days a week, continue like that for 40 years and then retire and spend a maximum 5 years doing solely what you what to before you'll most probably die, if you don't already pass earlier. Depressing, I know. If I think the system is so flawed then why do I still go to school? Well you see, whether I like it or not, this world is ruled by money. You need it so survive. In order to earn that money, you need a job. And how do you get it? You'll need some form of education it you want a job that'll afford for you to live comfortably. That's where college falls in. I go to school to be able to obtain a degree, so I can get a job and somewhat survive in this crazy world. So that I won't end up on the streets, begging the passer byers for money.

I was exhausted, drained from all the studying. I set my books on the table and collapse on my bed. I check my phone for any new messages. None. Though I'm not sure why I was expecting them to call, they haven't in the last five months, so why would they do it now, all of a sudden? I sigh. I plug my phone in to charge and set it on the bedside table. In a few hours I'll be writing my exam. That horrid exam that makes me sweat every time I think about it. That exam that cost me hours of sleep. That exam that I know if I don't pass, I won't be able to continue my studies. Don't think about it, I tell myself. It'll just be torture. I roll over and will myself to sleep, which isn't very hard. The events of the day left me in such a worn out state that before I know it, I've dozed off completely.

By the time I wake up it's 09:06 and I feel like shit. I only have 3 hours until my exam starts. If want to be on time, I need to start getting ready. My heart is beating in my chest. I feel sick to my stomach. I need to ace this exam, I can't afford to fail. Failing isn't an option. I make my way to the bathroom and hop in the shower. I let the hot water run down my face. I stare at my knuckles. Suddenly the memories come flooding back. The blood. The gore. Their lifeless bodies lying in the street. I try to shake it off, seeing them dead is the last thing I want to imagine. But I can't, the image sticks in brain, taunting me, and suddenly it feels hard to breathe. Like someone's wrapped their hands around my neck and was constricting my air ways. It felt as if I was drowning, right there in my shower. Just when I was sure I would pass out, the imaginary hands let go of my throat. I gasped for air. I could breathe again. Great, as if this exam wasn't stressful enough, now I was being choked in my own bathroom. Forget about it, I tell myself. I can't do this today. Not when I'm supposed to write one of the most important exams of my life. I always did this, pushed back my all my thoughts, feelings, basically everything. I would like to blame it on college, but I knew better. I've been like this my whole life. It's one of my most toxic traits. Even though it's one of the things I hate most about myself, I probably won't do anything to correct it anytime soon.

I finished getting ready, grabbed my keys, put my earphones in and headed out my apartment. I make my way down the hall straight for the elevator, completely absorbed in my music. Once I reached the ground floor, I head to door.

"Fuck, it's bright." I say, half squinting with my hand over my eyes to shield them from the harsh rays of the sun. Enjoy it, I wanted to tell myself. Soak up every last bit of sunlight you possibly can. Because what I didn't know was that that would be the last time I went outside for a long time. Of course I didn't know it at the time. All I was worried about was whether or not I would pass this exam.