Limited Days ｜Sweet Home Fanfiction

～10

"But one thing I did know was that I was done hiding how I felt."

I laugh at the irony of my words. It was that very action of not shying away from my emotions that led to my conversation with Eunhyuk, the one that allowed me to see a different side to him. One different from that of his leader capabilities, but rather a side filled with care and tenderness. Now I couldn't even look him in the eye. Now I was hiding my feelings. The possibility that he might not feel the way that I do was enough for me to keep my feelings hidden. Nobody should about how I feel about Eunhyuk.

Eunyu.

I can't imagine her face if she knew. Would my feelings possibly compromise our friendship? I didn't want to think so. If she was a real friend like she makes herself out to be, she would be happy for me that I've managed to still love in this hell forsaken world. But anything was possible. In an effort to forget my feelings for a moment, I decide to pester Eunyu about hers. Specifically for Hyunsu. The look in her eyes in that moment told me everything I needed to.

Eunyu wanted to be with Hyusnu.

Now I needed to know if she would admit to it.

I found her in the office. I walked in the room with a smirk on my face.
"Hey!" Eunyu greets.
"Hi." I reply. Eunyu sees the smirk on my lips. When I say nothing, she asks, "What? What is it?"
"Nothing. It's nothing."
"Tell me!" Eunyu pleads.
I sigh. "Okay, I'll ask you straight up. What's going on between you and Hyunsu? And don't say nothing, because that look you shared I know damn well isn't nothing."
She turns head away, but not fast enough. I still she the blush that creeps up her cheeks and paints them a soft shade of pink. When she finally meets my eyes, she hesitates before speaking.
"Me and Hyunsu.... It's complicated."
This comment is so ridiculous to me I actually laugh. Eunyu looks at me funny.
"You crack me up. The way Hyunsu looks at you shouldn't be complicated at all. He feels something for you, and I know you feel it too."
"What if you're wrong? What if it's nothing?"
"Do you want it to be nothing?"
She falters. Though she doesn't outright admit anything, her silence says enough.
"Look Eunyu, I'm not trying to force you tell me anything. Keep your true feelings private if that's what you want, I'll respect it. All I'm saying is that too love in a place this like, a place filled with many sorrows, should be a blessing on its own. Love isn't an easy thing to come around, so when you find it, hold on to it tight. You might never find a love so great again. Appreciate it while you can so you won't regret it when it's gone."

I say these words and think of my parents. It pains me to know that their last words to me were filled with anger. I wonder if they died not knowing how much love I have for them. How many times did I say the words 'I love you' when they were alive? Not enough, that I know. I say a silent prayer.

Mom, Dad, If you can hear me, I love you. I hope you know.

When Eunyu doesn't respond, I say, "Promsie me that whatever you feelings you have in your heart you act upon, okay?"
"Yes, I promise." she says.
I smile at her and she returns it.
"

Hey, when did you become so invested in my love life?" she questions. We both laugh.
"I'm just saying. You deserve to be happy, Eunyu."
"As do you, Haena."
I feel the crinkles around my eyes as I smile wide.

A while later, Eunhyuk asks me to help with stocking the food. I agree, though I don't look at him when he speaks. I rather keep my head down and simply nod to indicate that I understand. Cowardly on my part.
Halfway through working as Jisu hands me a box that I pass to Hyunsu, Seungwan bursts through the door. We all look up in surprise.

"Stop!" he says. "Did you think I wouldn't notice if you ran way?"
Eunhyuk comes from the back to see what all the commotion is about.
"I want my share right now!" he grunts as he grabs the box Jaeheon holds.
"Please stop." Jaeheon begs.
"Fuck! I just can't trust anyone anymore!"
"Hey, hey. Calm down. Let's talk."
"You shit!" Seungwan throws Jaeheon off him and pulls a knife out. "Don't touch me! I'm not gonna die here like this. I'm gonna leave here on my own. You-" he points the knife at Eunhyuk "-give me the car keys."
He moves closer.
"Come on, you fucking asshole. Give me the damn car keys! Give me the keys you son of a-"
Sangwook cuts him off and beats him to put in him in his place. He drags him out to the common area for everyone to see how he loses it. How he loses his sanity. His days were up, now he had officially lost it. We all watch us Mr. An reprimands him for his behavior.

Following Seungwan's display, Eunhyuk tries to engage in conversation, but I quickly cut him off, telling him I had work to complete. For a brief moment, I see sadness creep into his eyes. Guilt eats at my conscious. I wanted to create as much space between the two of us as possible, but I had to admit that I missed our conversations. I missed the laughs we'd shared. I missed him. But I knew keeping my distance was the best option. Or what is? Yes, until these feelings faded, what we had had to be keep on pause. What if it doesn't fade? What if these feelings only intensify. Doubt slithers into my mind and I have to push those thoughts back.

When Eunhyuk tells us of his plan to venture outside for supplies it takes us all by shock. We've kept only to this space so the idea of going into the world made me feel uneasy.
"Isn't it too dangerous?" Jaeheon asks.
"We've been preparing." Eunhyuk assures us. He tells us that Mr. An has been scouting, Han Dusik has been building weapons and only those most likely to succeed will be taksed with the mission.

That night, after word has been spread of Jisu having appendicitis and Eunhyuk decides he'll perform surgery, the two of us are on watch guard. How could I forget we were partners? My plan to stay away failed, and now I sat across from him, crossed legged, ignoring the way my heart was beating a little faster.

He leans his head back against the wall with his eyes closed. How tired he must be. When I can't take the silence, I ask, "So, you're really going through with the surgery?"
His eyes flutter open. He turns to look at me and nods yes.
"I can't do nothing. I have to at least try."
"Aren't you nervous?"
He gives me a look that tells me he contemplates what he should answer. Whether he should tell the truth or lie. Instead, he says nothing. Some time passes when he speaks again.

"I'm petrified."
"Huh?" I didn't know if I was hearing him right.
"I'm so scared that I'll mess up. I wish the role I got in this apocalypse was minor. Being a leader isn't what it's made out to be. Even when I know I'm doing the right thing, I still feel as though I'm somehow failing. Like I'm not saving everyone. "
"Not everyone can be saved. You need to have a will to live to stay alive."
"I know, I just wish I could help as much as possible."
"It's not your job to save everyone."
"But I'm a leader. You said so yourself."
My mind flashes to our fight. I regret what I said. The pressure probably eats at him.
"I'm sorry, I was insensitive. I can't imagine how hard it must be."
"I just want it all to stop. The apocalypse. The noise around me. The pressure. All of it."

In that moment, it felt like Eunhyuk was placing his heart in my hands. Telling me his most inter-personal thoughts. Sitting there beside Eunhyuk I realised something. I remember asking him who took care of him when his and Eunyu's parents passed.

Nobody. Nobody took care of him.

All his life he's had to provide care, but never received the same in return. I looked at him and saw how terrified he was. How broken he was.

And all I wanted to do was take his pain away.

I'm suppose to stay away, I remind myself. But I can't, not tonight. Tonight Eunhyuk needs me.

I move myself closer so that I'm right next to him. I gently motion for him to move his head so it rests on my shoulder. I hear his breathing and my own catches in my throat. His hand rests on his knee. Slowly I move mine to meet his. I worry that he'll recoil at my touch, but he simply wraps his hand around mine. No words were said, but none needed to be. He runs his thumb over mine and I realise how content I would be to stay like this, right next to Eunhyuk, despite the circumstances.