Alive For The First Time

Chapter 11

Lily's POV

I woke up early the next day. To be honest, I didn't sleep much. After I ran away from Ryder to avoid my brother, I beelined it back to the safety of Ty's room. I put my earbuds in to drown out the noise of the party and laid in the dark trying to make sense of what happened. Ryder kissed me. And not just a friendly peck on the cheek. But a real kiss that left my lips swollen and red and my head swirling with emotions. It wasn't my first kiss but it was certainly the first time I had been kissed like that. Ryder kissed me like he was.....hungry. Like he couldn't get enough. It gave me butterflies just thinking about it.

There was a voice inside of my head that was telling me it wasn't real. That he was using me to mess with my brother. And I hated that I believed it. How else could I explain it? There was no way he could truly be interested in me. Besides the age difference, I had a feeling I wasn't his usual type. I wasn't pretty enough or sophisticated enough. Maybe it was the whole sober thing? I'm a safe choice for him right now because being around me won't tempt him to drink. I had been over it a million times throughout the night and I was no closer to figuring it out.

When I checked my phone, it said 9:30. There was no way anyone would be up this early. I felt like a coward but I really did not want to bump into Ryder this morning. What happened last night had to be a one time thing. Tyler was the only real family I had left and I wasn't about to do anything to cause trouble between us. I decided to just get up, grab my stuff, and head back to my dorm. I could leave a note for Tyler saying I wanted to get back to my room and get my work done. I would stop someplace for breakfast and give Sophia a heads up that I was coming back. I gave her more than enough alone time with her boyfriend.

I made the decision to just think of this weekend as a weird blip in the extremely boring story of my life. I threw on some clothes, threw the rest of my stuff in my bag, and very quietly left the room. I tip toed down the steps and when I hit the bottom I was hit with the smell of spilt beer and sweat. I nearly gagged. The guys were going to have a good time cleaning up today while hungover. But I wasn't about to stick around and watch.

I managed to get to the front door without making a sound but this being an older house, the stupid door made a loud creak when I opened it. Shoot! I didn't want to face anyone right now when I was running away like a coward. I heard a door open down the hall and felt my stomach drop. The one person I was trying to avoid was the only person to have a bedroom on this floor. As I was stepping out onto the front porch, I heard a giggle. A female giggle. O god! This wasn't happening. I didn't want to look. If I didn't see it with my own two eyes, it wasn't true.

But I must be a glutton for punishment because I did turn around. And there in front of me was a girl in a short tight black dress and sky high black heels. Her dark hair was pulled up in a messy bun. Behind her with his hand on her back was Ryder. Like yesterday morning, he was only wearing gym shorts and nothing else. When he caught my eye, he had the decency to look guilty. I couldn't handle this right now. I turned back around and left slamming the door behind me. I probably woke up the whole house but I didn't care.

I practically ran down the street to try to get as much space as possible between me and whatever the hell I just witnessed. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I really was a naive little girl. I should have listened to Ty when he told me to stay away from Ryder. Of course he was right. What kind of a guy kisses someone and then jumps in bed with someone else the same night. He really had me fooled. I really thought he was a decent guy. Boy, was I wrong.

I needed to get my act together. I was lucky to be able to attend this school and have this experience and I was allowing myself to get distracted and focus on the wrong things. I needed to find friends so I could stop following around my brother like a sad little puppy. And I needed to stay away from guys that were completely out of my league and only wanted to play games with me.

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Monday morning was a new beginning for me. I made resolutions, kind of like New Years Eve. I even wrote a list. First, no more depending on my brother so much. I came here to make my own way in the world and so far I was failing. Second, I set a goal to talk to at least 5 new people this week. Like really talk to. Not just say hi or excuse me. And lastly, forget about Ryder. Forget about the connection I thought we had. And definitely forget about that kiss.

After I got back to my room on Sunday morning and after I interrupted my roommate's romantic weekend, I spent most of the day really thinking about what I wanted. And that's how I came up with my list. Tyler texted me to check up on me since he lost track of me at his party. I told him I was fine and when he asked if I wanted to have dinner with him, I turned him down. So I went to the dining hall alone because Sophia's boyfriend was still here.

So now I'm sitting in my first class of the day trying to get up the courage to talk to someone. I really wish I was more like Ty. He could charm the pants off of a group of church ladies. Meanwhile, I can't even say hi to a classmate. I was overthinking things again. It was my specialty. If overthinking to the point of having an anxiety attack was a major at this university, I would be at the top of the Dean's List. Instead of listening to my English professor, I was surreptitiously looking around the large auditorium trying to find someone to strike up a conversation with. Since this was a first level class, it was large and mostly freshman. So at least we all had that in common. I also decided to avoid guys. I did not want the complications right now. I learned that lesson the hard way this weekend.

No one was really catching my eye. And honestly I didn't know how to approach someone without coming off as creepy and overeager. Maybe at lunch I could just ask to sit with someone. I was so bad at this. All of a sudden, class was over and everyone was standing up. I stood up too and started to gather my belongings. When I turned around to walk up the steps toward the exit, someone in front of me swung their backpack onto their shoulder and it knocked into me. I lost my balance and nearly fell backwards down the steps. Thankfully, a pair of hands grabbed my hips from behind and prevented me from falling. When I looked behind me to see who had caught me, I was met with the most beautiful amber eyes. It was such an unusual color. Almost golden in color with brown around the edges. I realized I was staring when I heard a deep chuckle.

"You ok?" He was smiling at me and I was having trouble getting words out. He had skin the color of milk chocolate and his smile lit up his whole face. Even though he was a step below me, he still managed to be a few inches taller than me. And he still had his hands on my hips making sure I was steady on my feet. If I didn't speak soon, it was going to get even more awkward.

"Yes, I think so. Thanks for catching me." I managed to squeak out. He let his hands drop now that I confirmed I was fine. I turned my whole body around to face him. He tilted his head and I had a feeling he was checking me out. I noticed his eyes quickly give me a once-over. I looked at the ground out of embarrassment while people squeezed past us to get out of the room.

"So do you think you'll be able to get out of here without hurting yourself or do I need to help you."

Was he flirting with me? I was clueless when it came to this sort of thing. I looked up to see him smirking at me adorably.

"I think I'll manage. Guess I need to pay more attention to where I'm going." I bit my lip out of nervousness.

"Ok, well my name is Simon in case you need a bodyguard to help you get through the crowd next time." Ok, he was definitely flirting with me. Stay cool, Lily! I tilted my head and laughed at his attempt at a joke.

"I'll keep that in mind Simon. Who knew English class could be so dangerous." His smile got bigger if that was even possible.

"So whats your name? I need to know for when I brag to my friends later that I literally saved someone's life today." We both were laughing. This guy was good. Much better at flirty banter than me.

"My name is Lily."

"Well Lily, you can thank me for saving your life by going to get coffee with me." Wow, he's not wasting any time. I had about an hour before my next class so there was no reason not to go with him.