Alive For The First Time

Chapter 12

Ryder's POV

I hated Monday's. It used to be because I felt like shit after partying all weekend. Now, I just didn't want to go to class. I spent the whole time day dreaming of a certain female who probably hated my guts right now. I saw the look in her eyes yesterday morning. First, all I saw was hurt and then it quickly changed to anger. I couldn't blame her. It looked like I was walking Susie out after spending the night with her. That would be a pretty awful thing to do after kissing Lily earlier.

But it was better if Lily thought that was what happened even if it wasn't the truth. The truth was after I came back from driving around for hours, I found Susie passed out in my bed. Her and I hooked up sometimes Junior year. She apparently wasn't done with me even if I had told her I wasn't into the friends with benefits thing anymore. She must have gone to my room looking for me and when I wasn't there, she fell asleep on my bed waiting for me to show up. I didn't want to kick her out in the middle of the night so I let her sleep over. Nothing happened. What Lily saw was me walking her out.

It was better this way. It made it easier for us to stay away from each other. But I hated that Lily thought I jumped into bed with someone hours after kissing her. It mattered to me what she thought of me. It was bad enough her brother was filling her in on all my past indiscretions. I was trying to be a better person and I wanted her to see that.

I had to get her off my mind. I had a little bit of time in between classes so I decided to grab a coffee. My next class was a logistics class that was beyond boring. I needed caffeine to stay awake. While I was standing in line waiting to order, I heard her voice. At first, I thought I was going crazy and hearing her in my head because I was obsessing over her. But she was real. And she was laughing. I was immediately jealous of whoever was making her laugh. Fuck, I was whipped.

I tried to casually glance over my shoulder just to get a look at her. She always reminded me of an angel. She was a few people behind me and she was talking to a dorky looking guy. She was smiling at him and he was giving her a look I knew all too well. I wanted nothing more than punch his face. What the hell was wrong with me?

I turned back to the barista behind the counter. It was my turn to order. I got my usual and paid. Moving to the side to wait for them to make my coffee, I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. I didn't trust myself to keep my cool around her and another guy. Even if it was what was best for her.

Lily's POV

Simon and I were getting along great. We had chatted the whole time walking to the on-campus coffee shop. He was very easy to talk to. I found out he was also a freshman like me and he was a from a town near where I grew up so we had a lot in common. As we waited in line, he told me a funny story about his new roommate accidentally locking him out of their room while he was in the bathroom. He had to go find the RA wearing only a towel. And his RA was female so it was super awkward. Things were looking up.

As we got closer to the counter, I saw a familiar silhouette waiting by the pick-up counter. I felt my stomach drop. Why did he have to be here now? I was trying so hard to put him and his kiss out of my mind. I could sense Simon still talking to me but my mind went elsewhere. It wasn't fair what he did to me.

"Don't you agree?" I heard Simon ask me and I snapped my focus back to the nice guy who I was supposed to be spending time with right now.

"Yeah, sure." I have no idea what I just agreed with but Simon seemed pleased with my response because he gave me a smile that I knew was making me blush. He was really cute and so far really nice. I wasn't going to let Ryder take up anymore space in my mind rent-free.

We finally got to the front of the line and we both ordered iced coffees. I tried to pay since I owed Simon for preventing me from falling down the steps in front of an auditorium full of people but he wouldn't let me. When we moved to the side, Ryder was still there waiting for his coffee. He had his back facing away from me. They called his name and he grabbed his cup. When he turned around, he looked right at me. It was hard to read his face. He looked indifferent except his eyes softened when I looked up at him. He hesitated for a moment before walking up to me.

"Hey Lil, can I talk to you for a second? About yesterday morning?" He completely ignored Simon and I had a feeling it was on purpose.

"I'm here with a friend Ryder. Maybe later." This was so awkward. Poor Simon! He was probably so confused right now. Ryder looked disappointed but I didn't care. I didn't want to play his games anymore.

"Ok, I get it. Just know it wasn't what you think. See you around." He turned and walked away and out of the coffee shop. I let out a breath I had been holding. Butterflies were going crazy in my stomach. What did he mean it wasn't what I thought? Was he trying to tell me he didn't hook up with that girl even if he looked like that's exactly what it was? And if he didn't hook up with her, what did that mean to me? Ugh! I wanted to believe him with every fiber of my being.

After we got our coffees, we sat down at a table. I tried really hard to stay present with Simon but I was distracted. It wasn't fair to him but I couldn't help it. I wish we hadn't run into Ryder. We were having a nice time before.

"So was that a friend of yours earlier? It seemed like there was something intense going on between you." Of course he asked. He was making it pretty obvious that he liked me and he wanted to know if there was competition. I liked Simon too and didn't want to ruin anything so I lied a little.

"Ryder? He's my brother's roommate. I stayed at their house over the weekend and I....I thought I saw him eating my brother's food without asking. I guess he was worried I would snitch on him. It's so silly! I was planning on staying out of it anyway." That was believable, right?

"Oh, I thought....I thought there was something more going on. The way he looked at you....nevermind." He glanced at his watch and grabbed his bag.

"I have to get to my next class but this was really nice. I guess I will see you in English. I need to make sure you get to your seat safely." He laughed and waved before leaving the coffee shop. I needed to get going too. I had my psychology class next and it was a bit of a walk. I glanced in my book bag to make sure I had what I needed but realized my psych book was missing. Where the heck was it? I hadn't seen it since....Saturday in Tyler's room. Shoot! I was going to have to go get it after class. I said a silent prayer that I wouldn't run into a certain someone.