Even If I Break In Two

Touchdown, Part 2

Malibu

She was still lost in thought as they pulled up the gravel driveway. Natali had taken an earlier flight to make sure the house was ready when they got back, and was on a one-woman mission to make sure Stefani's vacation started as serenely as FUCKING POSSIBLE. She and Bobby had forced Stefani to book an unheard of two-weeks off. Convincing her hadn't been easy. Gaga rarely took two DAYS off, and the idea of taking a break for that long was already causing enough anxiety to prematurely invalidate all of the so-called "relaxation" she was supposed to get during the time.

The problem wasn't the idea of time off, per se. The Haus was amazing. With the Inauguration complete, all of the immediate loose ends had been tied up through mid-February. While she rested they would manage details for projects throughout the rest of the year and headed in to the next two (pandemic permitting). Instead, the issue was that she didn't know what she actually wanted to do. Stefani was usually a planner, but for the first time, she had zero idea about how she wanted to spend her down time, and more importantly, with who.

The realization that the answer was not obvious was terrifying. They had just opened a bottle of wine when the thought hit her.

"Hey, Michael?"

"Yeah, baby."

"Would it be ok if you went home tonight?" His face immediately clouded, and then went blank again. "I mean, I know it's so late, but I just...."

"Of course. Don't even think about it. You deserve a good night's rest, which I can't promise you'll get with me." He looked at her with a lazy smile, which made her laugh. "I'll head over and crash at Sean's. You sure you're ok though?"

"I am. Just really tired. Today was amazing, but it was a lot." She almost believed herself as she said it.

"It was, and it's not a problem. Get some rest, and I'll call you tomorrow." He kissed her as he said this, and then grabbed his glass to finish off the last bit and bring it in to the kitchen before heading out.

After he left, she marveled (again) at his easygoing nature. At first, she had attributed it to his success. Between the foundation and his other businesses, Michael had a lot going on. But, he seemed to pivot on a dime, and nothing ever really concerned him. He wasn't needy or overbearing. Contrary to some of her past loves, he was water to her fire—equal in his drive, talent and ambition—but packaged completely differently. Being with him was a revelation, and it was easy.

But, tonight she wondered if it were a little too easy. She wanted someone who knew when to push back, and who was able to see when her words weren't matching what the rest of her needed. She reminded herself that that kind of intimacy usually came with time. Michael wasn't a mind reader, and she could hardly fault him for agreeing to something for which she had justasked. Ugh- why did it STILL have to be so confusing. At 34 years old, and with everything she'd been through, you'd think she'd have figured men out. Hardly. She grimaced as she realized that she was even further from understanding now than she was when she was back in New York....and a lot of days, it seemed like things were much simpler then.

Lost in her thoughts, Stefani hadn't seen the text arrive when they touched down, nor had she glanced at her phone after Michael left. Instead, she finished the wine (and then some) while sitting alone with her baby. While some people thought it strange that she assigned human characteristics to an object she owned, Stefani didn't think it the least bit strange to refer lovingly to one of her closest confidantes. Because after all, that's what the piano was. They had argued, celebrated, laughed, and cried as they created together. The piano knew all of her deepest, darkest longings and struggles—for that reason, it would always be her first love.