Hey blinchh
I guess I'm gone if you're reading this right now..man
Take care of my 20,000+ husbands okay. But fr like I know it's sad. I mean, no more memes </33
But like really, it sucks. I had so many plans and just like that, they're gone along with me. Even so like I won't really be gone mf. Like, nandito parin ako so if you have anything to vent, just know that I'm still here to listen. So many things will change, and I know you don't like that because you're afraid of change, but life goes on man. As you always say, everything happens for a damn reason so whatever that reason may be, we both know it's for the best.
I miss our theories, meme wars, and random deep talks. We do be talking about the weirdest shii but they somehow make sense so I really think the FBI should hook us up you know. I mean, it's too late for me but not yet for you. Omygosh I just realized I'm literally better than any FBI rn cause I can see everyone and do stuff without you guys knowing. Like, I can do that without any effort.
Take care of yourself blinch. Take care of your mental and physical health cuz even tho it'd be cool for both of us to be in the same world again, you have so much potential so don't waste that. Death is inevitable, so just let it happen when it's bound to happen already but right now while it's not, just enjoy life and do crazy stuff. I hope you stop thinking too much. You can't help it sometimes, I get it. You know I've dealt with the same stuff. Not exactly, but it's similar. You know what I did? I started to just face it. Like, okay I'm scared of dying early, so I was just like yknow what fvck it and told myself "so what if I die early? what do I want to happen if ever I do?" So bam I made this book with all my feelings in case I do. I was crying every time I wrote something here yknow with the though of me actually dying and leaving you guys but it helped me worry less about it. because man even something like death is scarier in our heads than it actually is. like I know it's hard but it did help. If you think everyone is watching and judging you, so what? Give them a show then. You think something really good that's happening right now will change, so what? You're still the one who can choose if you want it to be a good or bad change. Everything will change man. That's life. Just choose the right changes.
We can't control everything in life, but it's up to us how we deal with them.
Ughhh everything is just happening so fast. I'd be lying if I said it's okay for me to die this young. It's not. It hurts to know that I'm the one who gets to miss out on what life has to offer more. I wanted to be successful even though I don't know what my career path really is. I wanted to make my family proud and prove my other relatives wrong. They kept on saying I'm weak, and it hurts because sometimes I think they're right. I know I'm strong, but my heart feels too much even when I say that I value my pride. I love life. I find it so beautiful. The people, the animals, the stars, the clouds, the trees. Every little thing. I like how people do so much for love. I like how we can make others laugh. I like how we get to feel so much for just one person. I like how we all have our own beliefs. I like how we feel guilt. I like how we can literally be in love with someone and they would never know. I like how everything is unpredictable. I like how even the most random people we meet have such interesting lives. I like how we all have that one person. I like how we're all different and the same, at the same time. I like so many things, and it sucks because even though I appreciated them, I wasn't able to spend more time with them. I wanted to get married, maybe to a childhood or highschool friend. I don't know. I wanted to know what it feels like to actually fall in love and be loved back the same way. I wanted to do cute and stupid things with them and completely lose my pride. I wanted to have a romantic partner even though I'm content with my platonic partner. I wanted to get married and have kids. Remember when I said I wanted a big family because it was lonely being an onlychild? I wanted to be that mom. I wanted to be that wife. I wanted to meet my grandkids and tell them how cool I was. How cool we were, I'd lie about it and make us seem cool ;) I wanted to do so much, but I guess it just wasn't meant to happen to me in this lifetime. I'm happy with how I spent my life though even if I wasn't able to do all that. I'm happy I got to meet such amazing people. I'm happy I got to meet you in seventh grade at that Christmas party despite our awkward first encounter. I'm happy we got to keep in touch. I'm happy I got to say you were my bestfriend.
