Dana
Halos dalawang linggo na ako dito sa bahay nila Akim pero wala pa ring nangyayari. Mommy Nikka and Daddy Jake were both so good to me that sometimes I feel I am really their child. Annika's good to me too, she always make sure I am okay dahil lagi na lang akong sinasaktan ni Akim through his words. Pero kasalanan ko ito kaya I need to bear with the pain of Akim showing his disinterest.
I knocked softly on his door. He opened it but his face turned sour seeing me.
"Akim, dinner na."
"Hindi na, nawalan na ako ng gana. I'll eat when you're not around anymore."
I sighed. Gaano pa katagal para mawala ang galit ni Akim sa akin? Paano ko ba maibabalik ang pagmamahal nya?
"I won't be eating dinner, you go and join your family. You must be hungry."
I smiled and went to the room I am occupying.
I browse our old photo. Where did my sweet Akim go? Is his love for me that easy to forget? My tears fell generously.
"Yeobu, are you that mad? Don't you love me anymore? Did you move on already?"
"Can I try making you love me? Can you try loving me again?"
I'll try more, I might be crying but I won't stop yet. I need to make him feel that I love him more than he thinks, that I am willing to be with him and I am really sorry for letting my guilt rule over my heart.
"Ate, would you be okay here alone with that monster?"
"Annika, don't worry."
"Just call me when you need something okay? I just really need to cover my colleague. Mom and Dad will be back naman agad tomorrow morning. Just for this night, you need to be alone with Akim."
I smiled.
"I'm okay Annika."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Since I was alone, I waited for Akim to come home. Kahit na ayaw nya akong makita, hinintay ko sya. He often goes home drunk, he might need me today.
"Akim?"
Akim was too drunk he was almost crawling so I helped him.
"Haii, Akim, common, get up."
"Why are you still here?! Why?!"
"Akim..."
"You are even using my mother?! What a spoiled brat!"
"Akim, magpahinga ka na."
I guided him to his bed but he pulled me to him.
"This is what you want right?"
He kissed me forcefully, he kissed me without cautions, he kissed me like I was just some random whore but what can I do? Even this hurts so much, I am more than willing to make him win over me. The feeling of him loving me tonight was beyond ecstatic even he treated me as a random someone. I gave everything to Akim. I give him my last piece hoping this would save what we had.
I wasn't feeling good. Bukod sa masakit ang katawan ko, I feel hungry but Akim hugging me makes me at ease. Akim hugging me after loving me tough that night made me light one more candle of hope.
I closed my eyes with tears on my eyes, praying that tomorrow, everything will be okay.
But my prayers have not reached God because the moment I opened my eyes, all I see is Akim's anger towards me.
"This should have not happened!!"
My breath was tucked that I am suffocating.
"Tsk. I'm too drunk last night, I've mistaken you for someone else."
"Akim!"
"You are not drunk, you're sane enough to stop me, why did you not stop?"
Natigilan ako. So this is my fault now.
"Oh well, you really want this to happen right? So my parents would really force me into marrying you!"
"Akim no."
"No? Eh gusto mo nga pakasalan kita? Bakit? Ah, I remember! The Tantianco's are already bankrupt and he's out of your league again? Kaya ako uli?"
"Akim!"
"Oh, tara, pakasal na tayo. Ito ang gusto mo hindi ba?"
"Akim..."
"C'mmon, magbihis ka na. Tapos magpost ka na pinakasalan mo na ako para nasa circle ka na ulit. Para hindi ka na kahiya-hiya."
I looked at his eyes. His mischievous hazel brown eyes are turning bolder. His eyes are not happy thus his heart.
I sighed.
I love Akim, I love him so much that today, I can let go of him because I know he would never love me again. I love him so much that I do not want him to be a bad person because of the pain I've given him. I know he won't be happy with me around him.
I contained all the pain and tears inside me that I am dying of too much emotion.
"Okay, I'm sorry I've gone this far. I'm really sorry. Don't worry. I'll leave today and I'll never show my face again, ever."
I turned my back and pack my things. You've gone too far Dana, he must have been too hurt or he must not love you that much. Whatever is the reason, you've been too desperate so you must leave.
"Ate! Ala---- Why are your bags packed??"
I smiled. I promise I won't cry, not in front of anyone.
"Annika, thank you for the warm welcome and for letting me stay. I'm just waiting for you and your parents so I could properly say goodbye."
"What happened? What did Akim do to you?"
"Wala, he didn't do any. I just realized that he could never love me again and I need to accept that."
Annika sighed.
Hindi pa dumadating ang mga magulang nila when Akim came down. I was seating on the sofa with my luggage all prepared.
"Oh, akala ko ba aalis ka na and you're not gonna show your face again? Bakit andito ka pa? Why? Ah, you're waiting for my mother so she'll make me marry you?"
"Akim! Ang sama mo!"
"No Annika! Hindi ako ang masama!"
"You shut up ha! Pagdating pa lang ni Ate Dana dito hindi ka na nagpakita ng maayos na ugali ha!"
"Annika!!!"
"Shut up Akim!"
"No, you shut up Annika!! Wala kang alam!"
"Bakit ang akala mo ba Akim alam mong lahat?!"
I close my eyes. I don't want to see them fight, not because of me at least. I am not worth their rift so I stood up.
"Annika, I am sorry, I can't fulfill my promise to you and Mommy Nikka to tour you in South Korea. I'm really sorry. Thank you so much, I'll leave. Please tell your parents that I really am thankful for meeting them. I am much privileged to experience being part of your household. I would never forget this memory. Thank you and I'm sorry, please don't fight."
I left both Annika and Akim with my heart full of pain.
At least I tried, unfortunately, my best effort wasn't good enough. Living alone isn't that bad at all right? I will survive even I live in pain all my life because maybe, this is what I deserve.
