The grass tickled you as you laid on the small hill, the prickly blades caressing the skin on your arms and legs. The balmy wind was nice, cooling you down, drying the tears that flowed down your cheeks. You didn't know how to move on from here, but the warmth of his hand in yours reminded you that it needed to happen.
"I wish we had more time," he whispered into the night sky, his hand squeezing yours a little.
"Me too," you spoke, the stars above you turning into streaks of light as you sniffled. "We're so stupid..."
"The stupidest," he lamented. He turned his head to the side then, looking at your profile, hoping to save it in his memory forever. Although the grief on your features saddened him, you were still the most beautiful person he had ever seen. His eyes traced your brow bone, the bridge of your nose, the shape of your mouth as he memorized each feature, even though he had been looking at the same face for ten years.
Seokjin and you weren't always this sad and nostalgic. In fact, the two of you were notorious for being a little too happy go-lucky, a little too carefree of the future. That was what brought you to this predicament as well - the stubborn belief that as long as you wanted something hard enough you didn't need to worry about the future, it would happen. But what happens when you want two things? What happens when you have to sacrifice one for the other? When you have to sacrifice each other?
Your meeting wasn't anything special. It wasn't the tale of romance, it wasn't even the tale of fun coincidences. It was mundane.
You met on the first day of tenth grade when Seokjin had just transferred to your school. He introduced himself to the class and then sat next to you. Your eyes didn't meet during his introduction, there was no coy avoidance, no swelling pop track that faded a little. He just said his name and his hobbies, ears flushed with embarrassment and then sat in the first seat he saw.
The two of you barely spoke a sentence to each other the whole year. You always thought he was attractive, all broad shoulders and witty repertoire, and he thought the same of you, all long legs and sarcastic remarks. Neither of you developed a crush though. It helped your friendship grow.
The summer between tenth and eleventh grade, he started working part-time at your parent's bakery, and that summer you both learnt more about each other. You learnt that he was allergic to garlic, that he had a beautiful singing voice, and that his usual wit disappeared sometimes in favour of a terrible dad joke. He learnt that you could eat six cupcakes before getting a stomach ache, that you liked to pretend to ballet while closing up, and that you got mean after a few drinks.
The more you learnt little facts about each other, the more time you spent together, till you both bestowed the best friend title on each other. Seokjin was a great listener, attentively hearing you rant about every topic, be it the mistreatment of your favourite boy band or the way you loved your first boyfriend. You were a great comforter, knowing that he needed an ice cream when he got his first college rejection, and a hug and soju when his girlfriend broke up with him.
Soon after the end of high school, came the end of university, and the two of you upgraded to roommates. It was nice living together, sharing the budget and the loneliness of being two single young adults in a sprawling city. Although at that point your feelings for each other had never been more than platonic. You never saw it, never wanted more from each other than the comfort of a lifelong friendship. But you know what they say. Never say never.
For you, it happened slowly. It was the first skip of your heartbeat when you saw him come home drenched in the rain because he forgot his umbrella. It was the slight hitch of your breath when he heard you laugh once and murmured a "cute" under his breath. It was the warmth in your chest when you were curled on the couch crying about your insecurities and he held you as he rained you in affirmations.
