Her Eyes Billie Eilish/Reader

Chapter 2

"Do you know why you are here, Y/N?" Asked my stupid doctor at this rehab place. No shit I know why I am here. Am I stupid? I let a girl into my life and she fucked me over for no reason when all I did was love her like she was everything in my life.

"Yes" I said with a little sass and quickness in my voice. I was on the edge of tears right now. I was always on the edge of tears. I'm surprised I can still cry with all the tears I have shed in the last couple of months. I could make a whole ocean with my tears because of her. My body now marked with bruises and scars used to be marked with her 'love bites'. I hate looking at my body after all the damage I went through.
My face used to be so full is now empty and drained. Like I lost all color and blood in my body. I mean I might have with all the cuts my body had endured. My mama used to pain is only temporary but this pain feels like a lifetime.

After the talk with the doctor I started to have withdrawals from coke and got a little to mad at my doctor but Dr.Patrick had it coming. He kept on pushing me to talk about Billie and say her name which I didn't. She may have fucked me over but I will never throw her under the bus like she did to me. The guards locked me in a wheelchair because my withdrawals make me angry a lot but like all these people piss me off trying to pry into my life. They are just as crazy as me. I ain't here to make friends.  I'm here to get her off my mind.

"L/N, you have a call." Said this tell dark skinned African man. He had glasses, and a nice smile. His name Denzel, he was the first guard that gave me respect and treated me like a person. If I saw him in the club I would definitely give him a second look. The person who marrys him will be lucky because of he is nice to people like me definitely is a keeper.  I looked up at Denzel and smiled at him. I could move and I don't think he noticed it yet.

"Um Denzel, I'm kinda held down, can you bring me over there please?" I asked in a small voice. I didn't want to piss him off because I was curious about how it was. I haven't had a phone call in so long. They last one was last week when Jay called me telling me about baby shower of his upcoming daughter. That is right he is having a girl. He made my brother the God father even because they are close plus he is older than me. I'm 18 and my brother is 23. 

"My bad Y/N I forgot about you being in the chair. Of course I'll bring you over. I'm going to unstrap you right arm only for the call." Denzel knows I won't do anything to anyone but it is protocol which I understand but I hate it with a passion.

"Hello?" I said in a small voice. After I said that I had heard an audible fuck and the phone went died. That was weird I thought to myself. I turned to Denzel,

"Did the person give a name to you?" I ask him and he shook his head yes.

"Yeah his name was William, between you and me I thought it was a girl when he talked but never judge a person basically on their looks or voice."

Denzel was someone who always spread positivity and I don't know how. He told me when he started working here and it was because his only mom dealt with addiction and she used to get sober and relapse ever couple of months. Denzel has been through a lot but that is a story for another day.

After he said that, I just stared off to the side as he strapped my right arm down again. Lunch time isn't for another hour and half and right now we are about to start group. Yay my favorite part of being here where I sit next to one guy who doesn't shower and then next to the girl who choked me on the first day I got here. We go into a circle talking about our goal for the day. It started off with Meghan some girl who is in here for weed and was caught by her parents who now thing she is druggie. Funny isn't it weed isn't even that bad. It actually is quite good for you if have anxiety or depression etc. She is 17z white girl with short short brown hair and brown eyes. She also has tics, they are very bad in the cold. Soon enough it was my turn.

"My goal is to get better and not fake my smile anymore cause that shit hurts." I spoke, yeah I cussed even though I know I'm going to get into trouble later tonight about it.

Nurse Lisa asked "I heard you got a phone for the first time this week. Wanna tell us about it?"

"What is their to tell? All they did was say fuck and hang up. Supposedly their name is William so that is it." Fuck I need to get out of here. The voice sounded so familiar yet at the same time it didn't.

Lunch rolled around nothing special happened. I sat alone like always and we went to the gym after where all I did was sit and talk to Denzel. Speaking of which he left after that cause he does the midnight to lunch shift which is cool I guess. Right now we are in art therapy. They want us to draw to roads. One for your future and the other for the past. My future road is unfinish while my past road is full of cracks and broken cars. The future one is unfinished because like my future it is not built and unknown. You already know why my past is full of cracks and shit.
God I'm such a bitch and loser. I miss Billie. She was the strongest drug above all other drugs. She would hook you and leave you out to the wind.

The first time she fucked me over. It hurt but of course I forgave because I felt like I needed too. That it was my fault she had to find another girl for sex because I won't give to her. It was my fault that I walked in on her with her head between her legs.

Today was a bad day. For starters my mom and I are fighting because I told her about my feelings for Billie. Like yeah she is 22 and I'm 17 almost 18. Louisiana law says it is fine. I need to get out of here and see Billie she will make me feel better. For some reason she hasn't answered my text. She is probably sleeping like always. I don't like her party habits but it makes her happy so I don't judge her. I mean I am trying to help her get better. She tells me I make her better. My piece of shit car barely even started but thank God it did. I can stand being home with my mom yelling at me. Billie's house was only 5 minutes away so it didn't take long to get to her house. I didn't knock on her because she never locks her door. I thought it would be cute to walk in and wake her up and take her out for food. She never properly which sucked but I am trying to help her. As I slowly walked to her door I saw new shoes outside her door. Billie had this weird think where you couldn't wear shoes in her room so you had to take them off before getting into the room. I slowly opened the door and I wish I saw her overdosing instead of this. Her head was behind some blonde girl's leg. Billie didn't look like Billie. The blonde girl look deadly skinny. Her face looked it was all bone. I had to admit she was pretty but nothing like Billie. Billie had this aurora to her that pulled people in. I slowly turn and the floor creaked and the next thing I know her pitbull shark came running towards me. Which caused Billie to look up and see me. The first few seconds felt like hours. All I know is I ran out before she had a chance to get up. I was in my car trying to start it. Thank God I parked around the corner so she won't see me.

I see my phone light up with a baby photo of Billie. I can't see this right now. My heart feels like shit. It feels likes someone took a knife and stabbed it repeatedly. I need to get out of here.